i had a friend who was just like me
we convinced each other we weren't hungry
she taught me how to throw up
i taught her how to be loved
i was her one and only
stayed up all night just to keep her company
in the end, we could've made each other heal
and i clung to the idea that what we had was real
but nobody understood.
when they found out, there was screaming
yelling, and long lectures late into the night
they used her as a lesson
a way to show me i'm "not like that"
a way to convince me i'm "not that bad"
"not that sick"
"not that twisted"

last i heard, lisa is under the ground somewhere
though whether it was by drugs or a knife, i don't know
i wonder if she got a funeral
i wonder if anyone cried

I know that your sad
I know that your tired
of all the *******
that you have to deal with
and I know that its basic
but is this the only way?
to take yourself to a place,
where nobody comes back from?
hopefully you don't go
because I would like to meet you.
in life not after
because there might not be an after
maybe you have no reason to live
please allow me to give you one
Live for me
and I'll live for you

Wear the logo.
Sip the overpriced latte.
Smile like you belong.

But deep down
you traded truth
for a tag.

Fake gold glows too,
until it rains.

Don’t plant your worth
in damp soil
just to grow rice
for someone else’s plate.

Luxury?
Maybe.
But only if illusion is your favorite fabric.

Real talk
your worth isn’t worn,
it’s lived.

on sunday, i gave away my guitar
and i didn't expect it to be so hard
didn't expect it to crumble my heart
to know i will never feel those strings again
close my eyes and move my hands
never tune the thing until 2 AM
nathan, please take good care of it
because i love that guitar, but i'm scared to admit
scared that you'll ask again why i quit
scared that you won't keep your promise

in a way
i’m an experiment
a surgical project
i teach the broken boys how to love

they practice on me
they learn to say the right things
to do the right things
and to avoid the wrong things
and how to not say something stupid

the problem is tho
how am i supposed to know
when a boy wants me
and not a lesson
will i even know how to handle it?
or will i freak and leave
how will i know if its real
and not an experiment

it’s getting to the point to where i need a lesson
not on how to love
but how to be truly loved
because i don’t know what that feels like
for the only thing on a guys mind to be me
and not because they want something
but because they want to give me everything

because everytime
he takes what he needs
learns what he wanted to know
and treats the next girl how i would treat him,
perfectly

i wonder if that’s why im here
to teach boys how to love the broken girls
if i’m just supposed to help fix girls ill never even know

i’m trying to come to peace with it
but i’m a broken girl too
i want for a boy to actually fix me
not pretend too