Emitted from Ruby lips
Or barely there gloss
A silent chuckle
A mischievous snicker
A cute giggle
Embarrassing snort
Excited chortle
I met her today
We exchanged pleasantries
Reminisced
I could still her make laugh
But was surprised at what came out
It was short
Almost forced
A brittle laugh
I almost expected her to shiver
like someone who is running out of breath
running out of hope
I wonder what happened

Huff and puff
The 5 second smile
Spin
Dip
Twirl

No where near a phone
A message or 2
Flowers at the door
Chocolates leading up to the bedroom

Keeping quiet and throwing away the key
Your dimples are on show
Wrapped like a burrito
Warm ramen
Sappy dialogues

Under the weather
Golden bell
Blanket for two
Dark chocolate
Raspberry tea
Mini marshmallows

Its been a day
Bubble robe and lavender
Sparkle and bows
Cheesecake and amaretto
Tangled up with you

This feels like a death sentence
For a crime I did not commit

**** me now
It would be a lot kinder

When I met you, my heart raced
When I met you, my hands shook
When I met you, my knees went weak
When I met you, my heart was full

Time passed

When I think about about you now my heart still races
because you are no longer beside me
When I think about you now my hands still shake
because you left in a rush
When I think about you now knees still go weak
Because I know I lost you forever
When I think about you now my heart is still full
Of grief

Is there ever a good time to approach a man
Who has been hurting for a very long time
Confused and misguided
Confidence sinking
Debts pilling
I didn’t know anything about all this
You never asked for help
Never made a peep
Quiet, still and asked for space
I have been having a rough time myself
Its been..
Months
I have told no one because I thought I could handle it
I didn’t come to you because I know you would say the wrong thing
Make me feel worse or turn a basic conversation into full fledged argument
I have been quiet
Because I am confused myself
Anything I will say will later turn into a fight
My thoughts make no sense
The conclusion is no where in sight
You spoke you mind
I promised to listen from start to end
I promised to not interrupt
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry
But I feel down right now
Very small
I asked for a hug
I asked for your time
I asked for you to be a little more kind
Engage in acts that show love
Engage in acts that show compassion
But no there is no time for that
its not even a possibility
I am not acting my age
I am being immature
I am being delusional
I am live in a fantasy land
You are all grown up and need all the time in the world
To figure out all the pieces of your life
Get organized and conquer the world
I fit no where
As soon as all the words left my lips
I felt like the biggest fool in the world
I promised myself I wont cry
But now I fear I am breaking
What kind of man shames a person for reminding him of her rights?
of all things that should come naturally
What kind of a man shames a person for asking for love?

I complain too much
I know
Blame it on my age
My inexperience
My foolishness
My endless optimism
It will change
It will all end soon
I am starting to realize now
Today in fact
That I am the one who was wrong
Who made all the mistakes
Asking too much from the wrong person
What is normal to me
Is foreign to you
What is important to me
Is fantasy to you
What hurts me
is just weakness to you
My problems just sound like complaints
My mental health is just fluff
Nothing to pay attention to
Something that will just go away
With a wave of the hand
A walk in the park
Smoke rings and alcohol breath
Will shut it all down
I've been praying for change for so long
Now I realize things have been wrong between us since the beginning
Its no paradise
But I'm the fool

Why do some people keep on making the same mistakes?
Over and over again
With a different person maybe
But the pain is the same
It hurt then
It hurts even more now
Age that does maybe
Time has passed
she is a year older
wearing a new face
carrying the same old scars
hoping someone or something new
will keep her mind off of them
distract her
make her feel shiny and brand new
make her feel worthy again
because god knows she has serious self esteem problems
unable to say no
turns no one away
wakes up to make others happy
goes to bed until she is beaten and defeated
always smiles but walks with a lost look in her eyes
always laughs
but is broken