I dreamt of clouds heavy with rain, whisps of heavy porcelain, suspended on wishes and heavy with tears.
I saw you upon them, darting from one to another carried by the wind, dancing like a wild spirit, untamed, free.
For a moment time was no issue as death had come, and gone.
You paused and gazed down upon me.
The smile held a lifetime of emotions then, goodbye and a tear fell into the now dark clouds and a crash of thunder crossed the sky.
The rain fell harder and harder as it masked the tears on my face.
Masked for no other to see, drenched to the skin, cold in solitude and heavy in heart.
I awoke my hair soaked from fever, only then did I know you had come to say goodbye.

Rain covers my face
Fresh, cool, pure
Stings my eyes
I watch each drop
Feel it's energy
Absorb its life
Drop by drop

Where you are now isn't your final destination.
Don't let anyone tell you it is.

Unrecognizable the shape of heart
All different not one the same
All with a beat all it's own
Some synchronized some out of time
Listen to it beat, it plays your tune
No other has it, it's one alone

It's all there
Every thought,
Neurons on fire
All firing
Electrons tingle
Swimming,
Spinning
Interacting
The mind is full
Cold devoid
No matter within
Echoes of a happier time
No neuron sends a message here
The heart is empty

They say if you play with fire you will get burnt
They dont tell you where the burn will be
The fire can be in the mind, the heart or the flesh
The burns superficial, deep in tissue or worse
Your soul
So when looking to a daliance or a tryst
Remember this
The burns inside that no person can see
Last a lifetime
Believe me

All smiles, it hides his evil
Oh he's everyones friend
Warm with hugs
Used to invade your space
Sit on my knee
I'd rather die now
His hands are vile
I imagine killing him daily
Watching the life drain
My hands upon his throat
I will wait, i'm a child
I have not the power or the voice
He preys upon that
Scared to open the bathroom door
He lurks outside
He's just popped up to see if you're alright
A knee as hard as I can
Straight, fearful into his groin
His glasses hit the floor
He's not in control
PUSH NOW!
Downstairs he rolls
Every step vengeful
Bang after bang
Die you ******* leave us alone
He lies motionless blood from his head
His eyes open, oh god he's not dead
His wife runs out, tends to his head
He says he has fallen, the truth is'nt said
College years later was like being born again
Not having to see him, re living the pain
Then came the news, I had to go see
The reaper had come and the cancer was deep
I relished the days watching him die
As though in macabre it gave me my life
Once dead and burned others they spoke
He was a monster his wife did'nt know
He stopped touching others after "his fall"
I found at his funeral i'd ruptured his ball
I'm lost in a world I can never call home
For part of my childhood was stolen and gone

That creak you didn't hear
That was breaking point
I mean why would any of you hear it
You see only a facade not the core
The molten thoughts and emotion
Turmoil like you can't imagine
Yet you all dined and enjoyed the company
You couldn't know could you
I was tiptoe all weekend on the edge
Closer to it than I have been in a long time
Overloaded, all wanting a piece of me
None realising I'm running on empty
Empty other than dark thoughts
Then finally sleep came and solace
But no, for even dreams became nightmare
Screaming skulls and torture I begged for death
Only to wake to ***** shaking in fear
Unhinged and unable to face the day I retreated
Beneath the quilt, a world away for a day
Irony! The world did not notice oh no
The messages, calls none phased at my absence
Save for one. One who always knows when the black dog is afoot.
Seems to know to call
Knows how I don't know

Bring bring bring bring
Answer phone
HELLO!
HI DADDY!!
happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear daddy
Happy birthday to you
BYE DADDY SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL FOR PIZZA
Phone goes dead
Pause
Tears run down face
Warm inside
Now that's a call I'll never forget

All those words on Facebook
All the lines on twitter too
Undying love for someone
It just wasn't to be you
But that isn't such a bad thing
As most of them are frauds
Keeping florists going
And cheap Chinese imports

By Saturday the wifebeater will have forgotten all he wrote
The psychotic wife will be throwing things
Back to the status quo.
So why do people do it, as in spend an arm and a leg?
Valentine's was for strangers, an anonymous way to vent.

If you were right and they knew it the courtship then commenced
If you kept it up you're a stalker and the courts dealt with it

So look forward to pancake day covered in dietary sins
By then the garage flowers will be rotting in the bin.

She asked how long had he been looking for her?
He replied
"My whole life"

In youth he courted her as men do
He would bring flowers to her door
Roses on her pillow, petals scattered in affection
What was expected under loves direction
They married and this remained
Over the years kids came it wained
They built a home together
A place of their own
Amazingly he felt alone
The dream wasn't to buy her flowers
But to plant a garden where they could walk
A place to sit in twilight years
Watch the grandkids end the fears

Throw a word into a conversation like a grenade
Pin pulled overarm bowled and away it goes
You see the explosive reactions on their faces
Its impact is as detonation
Its entropy now expanding
Some are fired for effect some for pleasure
But you, thIs one is for you
****** !

Sometimes the loneliness of depression clouds the thoughts of logic
It's hand opens the door to despair.
Once opened it seldom closes.
It's a door into a world where no one else is
Though many can be found there
It has no borders no guards
No person polices it
No help when in trouble
No way back
Goodbye my friend
I hope you find peace


.

A mythical man you strung up high
Made him a crown and pierced his side
Nailed his feet and his wrists as well
Promising we'll burn in hell
Then took him down and wrapped him up
Weeped and wailed entombed him up
Then to your surprise out he popped
Hey I'm back believe it or not!
Judas you **** you grassed me up
Well I'm of to see my dad
All be good
Cos I'll be back
If he came now we'd lock him up
You couldn't make this **** up!!

Two flat tyres and the batterys goosed so our google celebrity is stuck in her roost.
It's that or hike like a pack horse to Tesco.
But her Jimmy Choos wouldn't survive the hill and the neighbours would wonder who's she going to see.
For the lockdown blues have hit home and the BMW is closer to sold!
Of all the times it chose to fail, it picked when a virus had taken over the world!
But all's not lost, Madame has a plan!
For she knows of a baldy man.
Well he had hair once and shaved it off. Not his best move if we're honest.
But still he came and she hid from afar as he gave her tyres some much needed air.
It was all so quick the neighbours missed it, even the twitcher in number six.
Her tyres inflated, she's had a jump, not that kind, her battery was f#####.
So doors all locked and best foot forward, to be fair she was feeling awkward. He wasn't a knight and had no horse and his volvo looked like it had been in the wars.
She braced herself and jumped in the car and off she shot to the local shops.
A perfect end to the oddest of days with a car full of shopping and the wind in her hair.

Lost looking for something?
A friends idea of fun?
Just a little pick me up
To make the evening fun!
Something in tablet form
Or a cheeky little bag?
A quick sniff and it's In you
Or swallowed with your drink
You've no idea what you took
But now the ceilings pink
The room is spinning wildly
You eyes begin to blink
The sounds all become louder
The noise is just intense
What was the magic tablet
Your boyfriend made you take
Well paracetomol crushed
Mixed with kitchen cleaner
The high your now experiencing
Isn't getting better
Your organs all are poisoned
Beginning to shut down
The paramedics calls your name
But your answer won't come out
Tomorrow on the table your parents look at you
Before the post mortem looks inside too
Major ***** failure one after the other
Poisoned by a legal high
That didn't work for you
So read this and learn it isn't made up
I saw her in resus, when I was a young cop
He boyfriend went to prison he said he gave it her
So off you pop now have a drink
Dance and paint the town
But don't take any smarties
Offered by your chums!

I sat chatting to Alison of what I can't recall.
Why she was here I had no idea at all.
Ian laughed and made a reference to Cruella De Ville, a pet name for my ex that makes him giggle still.

Then she entered, seemingly frantic, papers dropped floating like feathers. Her hair trailed as though chasing to catch her as she raced through the world.
But no man could catch her as there was no race she was not even there but visiting the same.

She spoke loudly, her words echoed of Edgar Allen Poe. Deep and mysterious, soft in reference to my very thoughts.
She seemed familiar, yet not, oh how could that be?
Real and not there, I thought I had met her.
But probably not yet?

She opened a book and said listen to me she spoke so softley I just agreed.
I can't remember a word that she said only Alisons laughter and Ians nodding head.
They sat next to us but faded away I was losing reality but needed to stay!

The librarian rebuked them and I turned away, then I realised it was Caroline who was sat at the desk.
She turned and smiled and started to say
Hi I'm....
Before she could speak I said "Caroline"
I know
She smiled and leaned towards me, then I woke
The dream blown to infinity.
The library gone.

In dreams he's lived from the day, she died.
He never wanted to feel again. He didn't have the capacity.
I'll defined future.
Nothing inside now.
She lit up a room.
Like an arsonist!
She could get excited opening a tin of beans.
Now he craves beans on toast and finding half of it is liquid.
She could never be a woman that only ate lettuce.
And now all he sees is salad in people

I know depression.
I've held its hand so tightly.
But she leads everyone a different way
Some follow blindly
Some engage and escape
Some she walks on her weary way
Day after day, lost
Some she sends her familiar
To watch over and wear down
Her black dog
Always there
Always walking the dog

Kamran Javed I'll answer in public
I'm not arguing with you.
As you seem to take issue in all we do
Your a Muslim I get it and respect you for that
So get off my back because I'm not!
In not Muslim or Christian nor infidel
I'm human and loving and reasoned as well
So I didn't put "Holy" before your Quoran
Or glorious or blessed and your not happy with that
So now I'll explain and then say no more
Take your crusade to another's door
The term "Holy" only proceeds a text if you follow..
I've read it and don't I don't worship Allah
To a Christian the bible is "Holy" To you it is a book .
To a Muslim the the Quoran is "Holy" to a Christian a book.
I don't follow either that is my choice
So don't try to impose your religious ideology on me
Or others that comment FREE SPEECH IS FREE
Remember the site is for poetry too
Not to convert to Islam with you
Learn some tolerance for others who write
You decided to post here, your choice alright
If the world's out to get you ask yourself why?
You like to take issue with all that we write
I and others agree and praise what you say
You argue and don't take it that way
It isn't personal don't make it so
This site is for poems not war or crusade
So blessed by Allah and your holy book
I respect your religion and your way of life
If you don't like mine I don't give a flying spaghetti monster

When you wake up hungover next to a woman you met last night.
Do not shout!
"Unexpected item in the bagging area"

Take egg, invite *****
Mix for five minutes to two hours
Dependant on assistant
Feed at about body temperature
After 9 months or a little sooner if needed
Your childling will be ready to *** out
Decorate in nice new clothes and feed
After 5 years place in greenhouse with others
Come back in about 12 years
It will be totally unrecognizable to what you started with
Now dependant upon cross pollination in greenhouse environment
You may have unwanted seedlings of its own popping up!!!
So choice of greenhouse at an early stage is essential
If that doesn't present a blight they are now hardy enough to plant out!!!

What cleanses the body?
What cleanses the mind?
***** bathwater and a feeling of good?
Wash of the grime, oh if the mind could
Soft scented candles and fragrant perfume
To sooth the senses and do you some good
We shower,we shave, we preen and we fettle
But take less care of our inner self
Till the bath of the mind then overflows
Then tears run down the side of your nose
Where did they come from?
Oh why do we cry?
No time was given to spring clean the mind

Many times I walked that same beach
Many times I collected shells
Many times I paddled
Many times I watched the sunset
Many times I felt the sea on my feet
Many times I felt the sun and the wind
Many times only I alone
It's the same sun
The same sea
The same shore
But now it's different
I don't walk alone

I wear a pilgrim's cloak and yet, I have no faith.
I am awake at night asking questions of God's I don't knowledge.
I walk the day trying to understand who am I?

I can't love.
I can write of it.
I imagine it.
I dream of it.
I cannot do it.
It wasn't taken
It did not leave
I expelled it
I did it myself
I
alone

It's only the ice between us and the water beneath
All that keeps us from being drowned is the thinnest frozen sheet
So fragile under our feet, but on blades of steel some try to skate
Some manage to keep it up whilst others just collide and fall
The ice in life is not for us all

I pod I phone I couldn't give a toss
Android or Google it makes me so cross
Jumpers with puddings antlers and bells
No ****** turkeys so fights at M and S
Away in a manger?
More like with the fairys!
Mummys half cut with the pre Xmas sherry
Dads bursting out of a suit that's too small
For a couple of kids who deserve **** all!
Santas naughty list is totally ignored
Hundreds are spent to hype it up more
Excess in all and no idea of why
Christmas is lost and the meaning a lie
Gifts for a newborn became a flat screen TV
The Christmas works party
***** or VD
It's Christmas yelled out by Slade and Roy Wood
Danced to by drunkards who hope for some luck
It's over next morning with socks and lynx
Do all women think we're barefoot and stink?
So love to you all and peace on earth
Haven't you heard a ****** gave birth?
Her dad was unknown the father quite odd
Talked like a ****** to some guy called god
She was probably spaced out on Lebanese red
Thought that an angel had been in her bed!
So drink up my friends and remember one thing
It's Christmas tomorrow the birth of the king.
So off to the church and pretend to be good
And full of good cheer
And back to hatred for the rest of the year
Were bombing the ***** out of the Holy Lands
The points been missed
We're all ******.

You are born empty
All you have is the Jane or John
The DNA you parents gave you
What is next?
Fed and watered if your lucky
Or starving if you country's in poverty
You from them absorb their traits
Hugs and kisses or cold emotion
Then wrapped up well September comes
A playground full of crying mum's
Now you fate is in their hands
If lucky you get a creative one
Nurture expression, encourage you more
Let you grow and not conform
Curricula the pundits say education of today
Well my **** !! It's not and teachers rebel
Creativity must flourish as well
So pencil crayons chalk or paint
The child must express without constraint
Heed my words or pay the price
Be left with sheep no shepherds in sight

A Happy fathers day to all the dads who gave their all and didn't even get a call.
To the ones that worked and paid for them even if they were never seen.
To the ones that simply faded away because of the caustic games their exes played.

I've lost more than I ever knew I had.
Given more than I will ever receive.
Embraced fear knowing it held absolution.
I have been the pillar in others lives as they crushed me as foundations.
I have been the only light keeping others bright and I have fallen further into darkness without them seeing.
I will never be wealthy if you measure wealth by assets.
Have I loved?
Oh how I have loved.
Foolishly, recklessly, blindly, lost, found and forgotten.
But have I been true to myself?
Can any if us say we have?
Totally, always,
I doubt it.
But I have tried.

You reach the stage in life where you sit.
You just sit, and wonder.
You wonder how the hell you got there.
Where or which turn you took was the wrong or right.
If indeed any where?
Who is to say what's right what's wrong.
Indeed who wrote the rules?
An immaculate fool.
I can't change my yesterday's or arrange my tomorrow's.
I simply sit on the ride you call life and follow its turns.
Some like a pleasure ride some like the scariest at a theme park.
You don't know which it will be till the day starts.
Or if you will just sit till it's days end.

I knows youse ! Don't I?

These words uttered I and my compatriate, like lemings, pray to the same god.
Yet only for a split second, as neither of us worship nor believe!
But given the gravity of her demeanor and onslaught of intoxicated infection, sorry affection, as she seeks her next quarry, one simply hedges his bets.
Then like rats, we jump ship into the garden and hide like naughty children.
Soon engaged in conversation joined by others.
All in the dark art of avoidance, all looking skyward in hope her mothership is near and will beam her the **** out of our world!
Its like a form of emotional tourettes.
The most timid of female creatures transforms like sister Hyde!
Once the potion, ***** in this case, is ingested it's downhill.
It begins.
The potion destroys the victims speech, balance and morality often manifests in loud outbursts!
I LOVE YOU.
Oh please please make that be just the alcohol and not reality as I know my definition of love although a bit disjointed has no parallel to hers.
I see the fear in his eyes, akin to that of a rabbit in headlights and justify the need for immediate action.
So our team plan an escape!
As cunning as Colditz.
RUN!
But she's at the exit!
I've already checked the yard door and it's bolted. Seems all is lost.
Then with a magical piece of luck someone latches onto her. Oh Jehovah! He's had the same potion.
Were off !!!  
Goodbye said at the speed of a racing snake to the host!
A huried run down the path
Into the car and baby were gone!!

It's like an adventure of Tin Tin.
Did we lose a dog?

I liked this. I no longer give a toss if anyone else does
Anarchy is the new democracy????
You chose that not me.
Oh I like cake too, cheesecake to be clear
I am very fond of animals but not cats
I have a fatal attraction to the wrong type of women at the right time and the right women at the wrong time
The beach, my only saviour
Guinness has tickled my fancy as well
I am not a Tory
The point???
Is there one anymore
Go figure that yourself
But remember
When you poke a bear the bear gets angry It attacks all around not just the stupid hard left activist who poked it
Then who will help you

Imaginary words is all I have
For I can't speak when you're around
I rehearsed "Hello" and "How are you" a thousand times maybe more
Then into sight you come and the words are lost and can't reach my tongue
As though they ran and hid themselves so as not to make me look a fool and babble and stutter and drewel
Imaginary words are all I've had for decades now and no way out
There must be so many primed to go but they simply never flowed
For my words you could never hear as another whispered in your ear
Even when I thought he had gone and I foolishly spoke some of them
The words I had imagined I would speak long since died without a peep
I know now but didn't then that words can't be stored and used again
If I love you was to be said it has to be there and then
For I loved you once is not the same nor is shall we try again
For imagined words were never said
For she tasted honey in anothers bed

I'm Spartacus
Well I'm asparagus according to predictive text
The leader of the Christian slaves a vegetable?
Don't you love technology

I looked upon her face
I tried to catch her smile
loved her ponytail
Perfect teeth beaming grin
Though I never knew the girl within
We chat of thing's they have no claim
No claim or sight of what's inside
No idea and guess they might
From ramdom hugs to congugation
He Seamed nylons cause speculation
All topics are open and none closed
In my mind we've popped the cork
Truth be known we never tried
I've never been between her thighs
Never kissed her charming lips
Or touched her *******
Caressed their tips
Run my fingers down her back
Kissed her neck and held her tight
So whatever you think we may have done
You have no concept of literal fun

She thinks it's smart
She laughs out loud
Oh do take notice
I'm here you know
Here for what?
To simply be seen
Princess of nothing
Queen of despair
You're plastic and false
Alone in your world
You have to laugh loudly
Just to be heard
No cameras no flashes
The blonde hides the grey
Dont teach these young girls
To follow your way
Oh fashion has formed you
Fashioned as what?
A cold lost pretender
Of an age now gone

Immersed in a dream of what if and how
Lost in reality with no way out
Hanging your hopes higher than your reach
Yet walking alone on your local beach
Day after day you would say sometime soon
Soons days became weeks as your life passed you by
So no more day dreams no more hanging those hopes
Reality now must be your thoughts
Just walk with the dog on that local shore
How many tomorrows left?
Who knows, not sure
If you pass on the beach,
no need to say hi.
I will be just getting on with life

I'm not woke, so I am told.
Lectured to about oppression by a man in shoes that cost a week of my salary.
So here is some of what I'm not.

I'm not gay or trans or identified as something I'm not, but you can if you like I don't care at all.

I'm not totally white I'm a mix or a blend I don't see my own colour and to you that offends?

I'm not pro life nor death what a woman does is up to her.
If you dispute that do you think she cares?

I'm not into gods but you can have yours. Worship sing and chant if you like but please keep that to yourself.

So if you ain't happy you can burn your bra or block the road if you think it will furher your cause.
I've seen all that it's nothing new.
It's how it's done that defines you.

Meet on mass and air your views. But never presume or assume as it makes you a fool.  
If I'm not one of you you say I'm one of them!
There you go assuming again.

Who I am is for me alone and I object to being pigeon holed.
So while you shout privileged and fed from a spoon I remember having holes in my shoes when I was at school.
Paper inside to keep out the cold till mum could afford to get some more.

I was a boy and had three sisters. So hand me downs didn't fit me.
My first bike had three previous owners who did more mileage than Lance Armstrong.

When I went to college and met new people.
It wasn't our differences that made us friends and we listend to punk and rock as well.

So who told us we all had to be offended when we came so far from all the hatred.
Those younger than me who now riot have never asked me why I am quiet.
I'm quiet because you're killing me.
Tearing apart society in the name of justice and equality.
The narrative of segregation is once again on the table and this time it's violence you use to enable.
If you hurt then fight to heal.
But don't be a fool and hurt others too.
Change the system not whats been.
Do it with peace like we did.

I remember strikes and three day weeks.
No sugar or butter and beans on toast, yet you post pictures of your Sunday roast telling me I simply don't know what it's like to be you.

Let me explain what I see of you.

You protest on media and scream for a cause.
Done from an iPad from China do you know where human rights are very poor?
My phone is made in South Korea.
More ethical I think you'll agree.

You keep telling us oldies were
part of the problem.
We don't understand.
We can't see your view.


Says someone in £500 shoes.
Who is privileged?
I am asking you.


I remember walking to school with holes in my shoes.

We record the impressions left upon us by others
The good and the bad, all impressions on the soul
For everyone you meet leaves a little of themselves behind
Some over a long period a daily entwined interaction
Others a chance encounter sometimes but a moment
Yet another notch on that stick of experience
But what of the depth of the cut?
Some deep tortuous, some superficial
Some brief encounters leave a deep wound
That re opens like a sore when least expected
Others fill you with pleasure and wonderment
Yet I dare proclaim no two notches are the same
One woman's lover can bring sadness to another
For we are individuals all with our own notches
Each created a moment in time, each of us unique
We are simply hard drives
Living breathing hard drives

Woooo Woooo
We screamed as kids
Cowboys and Indians
Cops and robbers
We progressed to war
Endemic it seems from tv
One of us German one English
Innocence in play yet failed
We always portray one good one bad
No word to what made that happen
North and south went to war
North won but what if they hadn't??
Or what if the **** army had conquered
Well all considered and bewildered
I'm playing dollies and house with my little girl

In darkness we hear what is not there
As children we imagine creatures under the bed
In darkness we fear the worst is so close
They hide in the wardrobe or outside the door
In darkness they creep and they sneak and they plot
Waiting to pounce when your eyes close for sure
In darkness theres see stars if we squidge our eyes tight
Millions and millions of tiny bright lights
In darkness we lie with a lover in bed
Or crunch up a pillow and squeeze that instead
In darkness a poor candidate stands
Only wanting light to see whats around
In darkness a soldier he waits for the dawn
He prays to his god he can soon go home
In darkness our fears control all our thoughts
In light most of them are not there at all
In darkness ill slip from this place we call life
I hope after darkness there is only light

In death I have no secrets from the living
As they paw over my carcas and treasures
Sharing the spoils of a life lost, be they my organs or chattles

In death I have no power over the living
As they discuss my demise and a lifes peaks and troughs, those they knew of

In death I only have silence for no word will be uttered on my behalf, no lament
For in death I am alone,
As I was in life
As I am in life
As I embrace death

In the great scheme of things it's the moments not the minuets. It's the stolen moment not the protracted chore. It's the thought you leave with, not the views of others.

What has happend to the country I loved?
Division where their once was love.
Protests now for every reason and reason lost for so many reasons.
The trusted questioned at every turn and Karen knows more than all of them.
No longer safe to walk alone, was it ever I don't think so.
The protectors betrayed by one of their own and no patrols just response once done.
Austerity and technology took them off of the beat and now a bad apple makes them weaker.
No one now walks the beat, as they investigate names called on social media.
Feelings hurt and all made public.
If people grew up it wouldn't be needed!
But the narrative now is all hurt feelings.
I now doubt all that we upheld when compassion is gone we have lost it all.
I don't know the answer, do any of you?
Who stole my country and all that was good.

Eyes dry he concentrates every mark a testimony
A work of art to each who call but not seen
Its personal, cat or raven
To who takes his ink
Ink is ink but only those who live ink know ink
His time he spends making amends for those who tried before
Fools with no grasp of artwork or hygiene he abhores
Inky simply does his work and ignores the fool's and ******
What you see is what you get and if it's him it's perfection
Others ink like children no skill, no direction
So dont ask a master does it hurt or does he give a dizzy
If cheap you want and Hep c, and many an infection
Then go and find a amateur to ink and go in another direction