When lost in thought’s deception we sever the heart’s connection

I have risen
amidst the skipping beats
of this weary heart
blood, sweat and tears still dripping
trust is the fire I have been missing

Faith in my light to guide me home
I shimmer to the composition
of my heart’s song
the cure to my soul sickness
I heal in its harmonic richness

Open, wakeful and free
my body grounded, my soul at ease
the joy of everything invites me in
giving rise to tenderness
and the Love within

I let myself down most days
feeling inadequate in most ways
so love doesn’t always flow freely
from this wakeful soul
sometimes my heart skips beats
unbalanced by the weight of sorrow
this unresolved grief tips the scales
and this misery bleeds heavily
through my veins like lead
shame and judgement collide
stirring up the fear inside
and from this cloudy mind
I wonder why
I chose the burden
of this Lifetime

A silver lining
crosses an endless horizon
deep silence echoes
over a waveless shore
I inhale the stillness
and it breathlessly welcomes me
wandering leisurely
into the stream
adrift in oceanless tides
beyond the boundless edges
escaping time
the voiceless in everything
whispers to me
“you are the threading of this tapestry
unveil its serenity”
and the verity of love
became me

Her love left home today
evicting our happy place along with me
so my heart closed its door
and threw away the key

It’s hollowness overflows
filling the abandoned spaces
as the sorrow of this aching heart
repeats in resounding echoes

Only remnants remain of a blissful life
soaked into creaking floorboards
this home now barren
mirrors my broken heart tonight

The moment she let go
fear loosened its grip
and she was clutched
by the hands of Hope
where they knelt and wept

Sorrow fills the spaces
of her deepest wounds
oceans rising to their edges
an outpouring of regret
as the familiarity of suffering looms

The pain is not subtle
reminding her again and again
the grief she began to bury
a thousand lifetimes ago
unearthed the heart she must mend

Should you find yourself weary
and in need of a rest
Sit
take a moments’ breath
let the words on these pages
be a reminder to throw caution
to the wind
to love without boundaries
and never let your fears win

We are all meant to find our light
never stop seeking
even through the darkness
light can shine
You are brilliant beyond the shadows
wisdom whispers when you are willing
to listen to the never ending melodies
your heart will always play for you
be willing to listen now

You are loved
just as you are
I see you
all that you are
and all that you are willing to become
remember
we are only as able to soar
as we are willing to fall
so fall with grace

She reposes, allowing the soft, subtle brush of stillness to paint her into this moment

We are a portrait of perfection
preserved in a past life

Truth is not a thought of the mind nor a scene through the eyes but the depths to which one feels love radiating from their soulful heart

Looking into your eyes I wondered
where have you gone?
How long have you been missing?
and when did everything go so terribly wrong?

A little girl so vibrant and free
was taught to hate herself
to never be seen

The light inside grew dimmer and dimmer
she searched within her soul
took glimpses but never saw a glimmer

Hope was false for all those years
until one day she refused to stay
wiped away her tears
and chose to walk away

Pleasing others, losing herself
it was time to gather courage
dust her soul off
and remove it from the shelf

It hasn’t been easy finding her way
sometimes the terror of leaving
made her want to stay

Grief and sorrow are easy to swallow
when you need to survive
so she let them rise
and made a wish to thrive

I never imagined how alone she would be
at the end of suffering
she’s beginning her life
belonging to the only one who’s ever truly mattered
me

Any love forbidden by the mind
burdens this wise heart

Stillness embraces the sensations of life
be still and feel your own aliveness
nurtured by the sustenance of awareness

She induces sweet slumbering
turns vintage vibrant
and boils a tepid rain
eyes the colour of wind chimes
her breathe hot across my skin
whispers in delicious undertones
my name
we wander drunkenly
My heart composing a symphony
her smile my muse
she is an ocean of mystery
and I bathe within her hues
two souls intertwined
there is no distance
between us
as we exist beyond time
until daylight devours
what was never ever ours
another morning rouses me
at love’s end
she remains untouchable
and so it is as it was
before it began

Bathe in the infinite waves
of stillness
linger here with no time
as no thing
be as you are intended;
the expansion of everything
the image of nothing

I float dreamily in subtle undertones
as hues of her radiant light
embody my awakening soul

Within this thoughtless moment
and this wordless breath
I am

I am not the hatred in your eyes
but the gaze of understanding
I am not the back you turn on me
but the embrace of compassion
I am not the rejection in your tone
but the gentle voice of acceptance
I am not the wounding of your words
but the bandages to heal them
I am not your prison of unworthiness
but the freedom in belonging
I am not the poverty in your jealousy
but the abundance of admiration
I am not the blindness of your limiting fears
but the insight into your infinite love

Become not the longing to be seen
but the scene itself

The space between the trees breathes with me
it is me, I am it
The vastness holding the sky is alive
it speaks to me with wordless truths
and I with it
we are One
a blissful peace becomes the stillness as it desires nothing that I have
while beckoning all that I am
I am home

Most times I am choppy and chaotic
churning in an edge less void
I’ve forgotten my beginning
and don’t ever think I will reach the end

it is not till the wind turns its back on me
that the moment gives way to silence
where this light has room to be
casting it’s rays past the greyness
above which the blue sky remains

it is not till I am bathed in a wakeful
but silent presence do I know
I am not only the waves
churning, choppy and chaotic

I am the ocean that has always cradled it’s waves expanding with every fallen droplet
of my all encompassing existence ebbing and flowing as the infinite spaciousness of all that is

Roots of a deeper life
intertwined within this heart of mine
and so the tree grows
watered with wisdom
nourished through love
veins pulsing with the richness
of the vibrancy of life
and together the leaves become
collected in the waves of stillness
as branches untangle and extend
to reach the light of heaven
where the flowers will bloom

Exhale let sorrow breathe
offer your secret tears a path
down shameless cheeks

Inhale the light of hope
let go of old habits
trust me I know you can cope

Be brave let love reside
give your heart the key
unlock the prison of feelings inside

Pause, let stillness be
in a world that’s unforgiving
choose to set yourself free

The current of unworthiness runs deep
plunging headfirst into murky waters
knocked clean off my feet

descending into the abyss
where darkness reclaims it’s host
where light fails to exist

ripples of regret rise above
breaching the outer surface
waiting for the waves of love

only regret washes into more regret
and hopelessness grows
and soon I hit the rocky bottom

but I do not die, my life does not end
in fact I stop thinking
and begin to transcend

you see far beneath the surface
underneath the choppy seas
there lives an inner stillness
that without the current of unworthiness
I would never have found within me

The path of the egoic mind will never bring happiness

Where are you oh creative one?
drowning in a downpour of sorrow
or seeking love where there is none?

Words no longer ripple into an open sea
I long for your egress
where I escape the demons in me

Why did you leave me on my own?
did you disappear into the same shadows
that keep me lost and alone?

I miss your expression so vibrant and true
I am nothing without that which
is solely defined by you

Compose with me a wordless tune
teach me to dance whimsically again
by the light of a silent moon

Speak from love and you will be heard with love

May you find freedom
amidst this suffering
seeking refuge in the harmony
and stillness of nature

pause

inhale her being, your being
with present awareness
let silence be your guide
as divine wisdom
and the richness of this life
captivate the adversity

seeping like red wine staining a white blouse
it implodes into each delicate fibre
exposing the loose threading
of its unsuspecting host

It is underestimated
like trickles of muddy water
filling superficial cracks
seconds before the flood

interwoven become the strands
of hatred and harmony
as sorrow unearths the hardened soil
around those densely habitual roots

emerging from its confines
it spreads the contagion of loss
disables the cure for love
unleashing the inevitability of suffering

I beckon to you
ever changing wind
guide me into your softer flow
teach me to soften
and resist not as you challenge me
with gusts of that which
I would rather ignore
sweep my mind free of earthly densities
and lead me with your sound wisdom
to the fullness of life
and the timelessness of now
Lastly, greet me with your gentle breeze
allowing my lungs to fill
with the beauty of your grace
so that I too may remember my own

There is
an emptiness that lingers
long after
the dagger of betrayal
pierces
the unsuspecting
heart

I placed all my worthiness
into your nurturing hands
and you cared for me
seemingly unconditionally
so I believed you only wanted
the very best for me
until I knew you didn’t
I grieve many losses
but there’s one in particular
within its cervical grooves
that I am deeply entrenched
tugging on my heartstrings
is this yearning to heal
but I’m trapped inside the core
of every infected cell
with the incurable
mother wound

I am in denial
of this untouchable pain
I cannot heal
Where does tenderness go
when I am not enough?
as shards of shame
pieces of this shattered soul
collect themselves in my fascia
intertwining misery around bones
and dulling my light
with their dense shadows

A collection of masks
hang neatly behind my closet door
ready to cover up vulnerability
willing to wage war
aloof, pretty, **** and sweet,
being more than enough to all I meet
rebellious, witty, charming and mean
willing to do anything
not to be seen
I’ve worn them all
they’ve all worn me out

I must be ready to heal
surrender to uncertainty
be willing to feel
nourish emotional pain
with compassion to be real
to give vulnerability
centre stage
and free my tenderness
from its desolate cage
it’s only when I unmask the concealed
will this shattered soul finally heal

You pulled me in
then pushed me away
you say it’s for my own good
so I don’t tell you I really want to stay

I know you are not cruel
or desire to hurt me in any way
but you left me in a void of uncertainty
and I’m struggling to keep my feelings at bay

My higher self is confident
knowing I will get by on my own
but my ego remains somewhat fragile
believing she will perish if left alone

I find myself creating stories
about how this is affecting you
whether my absence has an impact
or if my ideals of truth were ever true

I am driving myself crazy
asking questions, not knowing why
you opened the door then closed it
and didn’t give me time to say goodbye

I won’t express my feelings
it’s not the time nor the place
see you’ve come to me a teacher
don’t want you realizing sorrow crowds my face

Feet firmly planted
upside down
hanging in the balance
as I stare at the ground

I open my mouth to speak
but century gothic font
vanishes into thin air
it’s ink blots taunting all of my wants

Stained lips puckered
kissing lost words goodbye
tears grieve the unexpressed
while sorrow remains trapped inside

My silenced voice
fuels their fire of lies
and I let the billowing smoke of judgment
choke me until I died

I gaze in awe
as black branches paint themselves
onto a sleepy skyline
haunting the stillness of morn
they stretch at the gesture of light
shadows yearning to linger
across drifts of delicate snow
I contemplate the illusion
upon my own reflection
and regret storing your love in escrow

We devour time
like it’s our last meal
gorging on the future’s ideals
as we forgo the delectable
dessert of Now
we savour dried crumbs of the past
long after the expiry date
unaware they are mouldy and stale
repeatedly consuming it’s poison
all the while wondering
why we feel so sick
inside

Acceptance trickles by with the current
slipping through her fingertips
as ***** shards of rejection
cut deeply into delicate skin

she bleeds imperfection
as intolerance dislocates her
from the placid waters of freedom
void of the voice of reason

a sudden squall
feeds the inner storm
as a flash flood of blame
leaves her drenched in shame

waves of misery subside
but she’s living on borrowed time
there is no hope in tomorrow
as she drowns in the depths of sorrow

Subdued sapphire
embodies the western skyline
the evergreen waits patiently
for the moon’s light to shine
so as to cast its shadow
across a hardened ground
extending its presence
without the slightest sound

a tender moment
encompasses profound serenity
as she IS with grace

Desperate to find my identity
longing to find my place
I run, falling to the snow
unable to feel my presence
unable to feel whole

I scream out to the moon
in a primal rage
blind with envy
while their lies take centre stage

The moon lit up my fury
and pulled me in from above
“humbled is the heart
whose every beat
emits love.”

The stars chimed in,
“The answers you seek
will never be found
if you look outside of yourself
you will always feel alone”

I knelt within the shadow
of the evergreen tree
surrendering I listened
as it whispered to me
“the existence of your presence
is not separate from me”

I sunk into the depths
of our ever growing shadows
I wore the anguish of our past
and cried a river of sorrow

I began to shed my masks
saw beyond the constructs of my light
lost the illusions of my essence
and self judgement for not always shining brightly

I remain within the river
accepting all that I am not
my roots entwine with the evergreen
the moon and stars align
grateful for its stepping stones
I now leave the past behind

Twilight paints persimmon
onto cold winter trees
just before the dusky night beckons
them into a dreamless sleep

a subdued canvas
enlivened with vivid hues
resuscitates dead branches
and they sway to its melodious tune

until every faint ray scatters
as darkness shrouds the sky
civil twilight attempts to turn back time
and failed to convince it not to fly

the drifting sun cast its final shadows
albeit tempted he won’t be persuaded
so the moon silently gathers her stars
to shimmer where twilight has faded

undulating in the night’s breeze
wrapped in the crispness of its linen
the cold winter trees sleep
waiting for dawn to paint them crimson

her infinite wisdom is implied
throughout
a cloudless winter sky
playful winds
dancing with glee
high atop
a swaying maple tree
lone bird subsists
on January branches
warm sun melting snow
the glistening enhances
glittery white diamonds
in amongst the trees
the poetic beauty of nature
speaking to me

She walks in silent misery
a prisoner to subconscious memories
trapped within this repeating reel
believing what is not real

Blaming herself for not being the cure
shaming herself for pain she’s endured
willpower cannot break The cycle
without cellular healing wounds recycle

Intergenerational trauma exists
without intervention suffering persists
family history has infected her DNA
genetically coded for a life of disarray

She longs to walk in silent peace
where suffering and misery cease
she believes the solution will be found
when her body is six feet underground

I experienced bliss, infinite love
and powerful light
witnessed the magic that surrounds me
spread my Earth angel wings and took flight

Uncovering a world where judgment
has no power
where the mind is subordinate
to the hearts wisdom, the divine flower

I nestled into her womb
nurtured and at peace
felt the wholeness of my existence
as endless suffering ceased

I believed I had made it
to the proverbial Promised Land
I was void of deep emotional pain
until fear grasped my hands

Cast into the shadows
I was a prisoner to panic’s grip
the mind became unruly
I lost heart’s feelings and our kinship

Thoughts torment present moments
I judge my past and careless mistakes
bliss, love and magic have left me
because I failed to stay awake

I was recently told
from a credible source
that a famous band wrote a song
about a difficult time in my life
it’s not from the album Dark Horse
but it is a song filled with judgment
defining me as selfish and weak
no love given for my struggles and strife
or painful journey down the Long Road
at first this left me
feeling less than and meek
but then I realized we are not defined
by the perceptions of others
even famous rockstars don’t
have the authority to diminish
our vibrantly true colours
so if someone you trusted
is telling dramatic stories about you
remember the only way
they get power
is Because Of You.