I pretend to feel skinny and pretty
but I know I’m not beautiful or thin
I bleach my hair to cover up the grey
most days I feel fake in all ways

I wear clothes that hide my appeal
want I really want is to be real
I pretend to be an artist and a poet
but my work speaks for itself I know it

I struggle to speak my truth
stolen from me in my youth
Given up my right for basic needs
deeply rooted are her toxic seeds

This facade she created
is someone I have always hated
I’ve spent years peeling back layers
desperate to reveal my true nature

I lost decades cutting her away
razors turned dull the pain didn’t fade
Punishing myself needed to end
in order to survive I cannot pretend

I’m on a journey to uncover
the girl I protected from my mother
Despite her powerful instincts to hide
the woman inside is dying to be alive

I devoured it
every last morsel
your beliefs and concepts
the distorted images and judgements
you baked, I ate
knowing they were the only meals
I would ever get from you
I gorged on your infection

Years would pass
before my stomach began to churn
poisoned by your scanty rations
the thought of another mouthful
was more than I could bear
You tried spoon feeding me
But I choked on every toxic ingredient
you blended into my existence

Not so long ago I found someone
who knew exactly what I was craving
she dishes out compassion
bowls full of the sweetest of truths
I consumed platefuls of her love
until I satiated my starving soul
and devoured every last morsel
as she taught me to nourish myself

Today I tend my fruitful oasis
planting bountiful seeds of intention
appetizers of love I serve myself
with impeccable kindness
followed by self-respect; a favourite ingredient in all my main courses
and the toppings on my dessert
generous sprinkles of serenity and awe

It is not merely the loss of love
but the depth in which it
penetrates the unsuspecting heart
that bleeds the deepest of sorrows

Her easterly side
lies barren and marred
A persistent reminder
of deeply wounding scars

I feel her conviction
to never let herself grow
attesting to the impact
that a love lost bestows

To those who don’t know her
she appears vibrant and pristine
Hidden within layering branches
the pain of separation unseen

But I know her sorrow
we are connected through pain
The evergreen and this woman
wear the residue of love’s stain

I want to cascade over the edge
a deep dive into the abyss
shed every mask of false identity
unapologetically formless

I want to re-emerge entirely
naked, nameless, unknown
sole heiress of my light
divinely nurtured never alone

I will bathe in all my colors
become the bristles of my brush
each stroke unto the canvas
unveils a spirit that won’t be crushed

Energetically I know how you feel
My gift is not confined by space and time
Psychic abilities come with the territory
Always put needs of others ahead of my own
Time with nature is time at home
Highly sensitive is an asset not a weakness
Sense the world deeply suffer immensely

There is infinite peace
in the blackness of morn
Contemplating myself in solitude
waiting for light to explode the dawn

My hopeful heart yearning
for the inspiration of today
to spill into my bones
keeping the mundane at bay

Light illuminates the shadows
and the dullness of these four walls
Temporal boundaries crush my wings
and once again my spirit falls

Out of the celestial blue sky
plunging into the blackest of seas
With desperation I scream
but there’s no one to rescue me

The subtle cruelties of this world
are not for the faint of heart
Protect yourself at all cost
for it will casually rip you apart