Release me into the bluest of skies
and rejoice as my soul takes flight
Do not grieve our separation
We are all merely a dusting of creation

Echoes of rejection skip the beats of my heart
Negative thoughts attach to my reasoning
like swarms of unrelenting gnats
as I drown in the swell of unworthiness

I am blinded by severe self judgement
Covered in the monotony of shame
I cower on feeble hands and skinned knees
trapped in my own prison of nauseating filth

I succumb to the assumptions of your silence
weighed down by bricks of uncertainty
My breathing ever so shallow
as I choke on the asphyxiation of despair

Longing for the communion of acceptance
but unwilling to beg for your approval
I suffer in the abyss of formless chaos
Projecting desperation onto a mirror with no reflection

I see you and your desire for belonging
The failed attempts to fit in to ease the longing
Draining your energy in tribe after superficial tribe
knowing the beating of your heart has no rhythm with their vibe

Expressing your sorrow through written words
Never quite easing your pain, to think so was absurd
Crying into your pillow until the wee hours of the morn
Wondering to God why the hell you were born!

Need for acceptance the pain of rejection consuming your days
Lowering your standards in so many ways
Reaching outward in desperation to feed your soul
Blind to the notion of what it means to be whole

You were raised with the needs of others first
Not knowing the impact to you would be the worst
You have a voice and tremendous wisdom within
Because you were oppressed, to speak is a sin

The internal struggle to belong is real
Believe me, I know exactly how you feel
Don’t ever give up or let your dreams shatter
Please know from my heart, I see you, you matter

When the cold winds blow
when summer leaves die and fall
I am reminded how much I miss you
and how living without you has taken its toll

It’s the day before your passing
yes, two years ago
I’ve contemplated your last hours
hoping you didn’t suffer at all

I’m grateful we reconnected
in September before your passing
I would never have left you
if I had known this was going to happen

Two souls connected
in many lifetimes now past
Our love is deeply rooted
but in this one, not meant to last

In the blink of an eye
a void filled my soul
and I regret never getting to tell you
how your spirit made me feel whole

Your sudden death made me see
the true beauty of your essence
I took your role in my life for granted
and now long to feel your presence

It is in the depths of grief
that I continue to be shown
all the ways in which you loved me
now the burden is mine and mine alone

I belong to the wilderness
and the highest peaks
to the depths of the ocean
the same language we speak

To the blossoms of spring
and the summers’ breeze
I belong to a single blade of grass
and every rustling of leaves

To endless starlit nights
and the hope rising with dawn
With every bird taking flight
I belong to their song

I belong to the love
of a soulmates heart
and to the bitter anguish
that tore us apart

To the carefree laughter
of children at play
I belong to the fear they conceal
and their hope for a better day

I belong to the infinite yearning
of my place on this Earth
and to the unknowingness
and complexity of my timely birth

To my physical features
and the boldness of my eyes
I belong to this body
and why it keeps me alive

I belong not to my emotions
nor heartache or bliss
I belong to the intricacies of wisdom
and forever trust in its abyss

You lie beside me
with romantic feelings inside
But they no longer exist for me
and I know every reason why

I do not feel guilty
for not giving you what you desire
I’ve spent years pretending
there were flames feeding my fire

Early on fear took control
and you began to sculpt me
crafting and moulding
until I became acceptable

I wanted to please you
and went along with your ploy
But I was blind to your agenda
and what you were going to destroy

Weeks turned into months
months into years
Decades have now passed
and you finally admit to your fears

Confessions cannot mend
what never was whole
You stripped my identity
and it’s taken its toll

The truth is my love
has diminished and faded
Your obsession with oppression
has left me apathetic and jaded

Today I am bound and determined
to shed your sallowed skin
and reclaim the original beauty
that has always existed within

A cascade of tears create an inlet
while a desert of scars leaves me stranded
The subtleties of the wounded spirit
won’t always bleed from my wistful heart

I reflect in the ocean of sorrow
whilst famine feeds my storm
Quenching the longing for insight
I am witness to the rising of a new dawn

I will betray this spiritual darkness
by tending to my sacred garden
Soaking the seeds of compassion
I lie in wait for my soul to blossom