Who am I that I love a muse?
Composing verse
by light of the moon

Who am I that I cherish the morn?
Inhaling hope from the stillness
of a new dawn

Who am I that I talk to trees?
Embracing their trunks
to connect our energies

Who am I that I adore the blossoms?
Delighting in their beauty
as my hardened heart softens

Who am I that I face adversity?
Weathering each storm
with emotional security

Who am I that I walk with courage?
Stepping into the darkness
knowing through it I will flourish

Who am I draped in compassion?
Driven to abolish suffering
for unity consciousness expansion

Who am I that I display affection?
Care and consideration of others
with the greatest of intentions

Who am I that I yearn to know?
My connection to the universe
and purpose in its flow

Who am I that I suffer alone?
In the depths of ego
I remain disconnected from the whole

Who am I when I accept my identity?
One soul attuned to the richness of life
committing to serenity

Were you truly prepared
At the age of twenty-three
to bring your first born into the world
and unconditionally love me?

You said I was a mistake.
But is that really the truth?

Did you know whom he was
when you two first met?
That he would never meet your needs
and you would settle for that?

You said he was rebellious.
So why did you commit?

Were you over your head
when your son made three?
Did you contemplate leaving
before he slept with Sherry?

You said he wasn’t trustworthy.
So why did you stay?

What made you decide
it was for the best
to alienate my daddy
and keep me oppressed?

You said he didn’t love us.
But did he really say that?

When did manipulation
become such a tool?
And why are you so selfish?
What happened to you?

You said you had a good childhood.
But who didn’t nurture you?

Was the little girl adored
cherished and blessed?
Or did terror control you
through your dad and his fists?

You said he was a professional boxer.
Was it gloves off outside the ring?

Was she truly prepared
flying thousands of miles away?
She left a loving family
Did she know the price she would pay?

You said she struggled everyday.
Why did Grandpa abandon her, why didn’t he stay?

Why were you often so out of control?
Yelling and hitting us so much
Do you know how terrifying that was?
Were you really so unhappy with us?

You said you did your best.
Did you know that wasn’t good enough?

Who tore the love
from your little girl’s heart?
Who stole your innocence
and blackened your heart?

You said your memory was bad.
Did you bury the answers deep inside?

Why did you see me
as a caregiver to you?
At five years old
I wouldn’t have known what to do

You said I was your confidante.
Will you ever know the damage you’ve done?

Do you long for acceptance
like I do every day?
Will you ever understand
why I had to walk away?

I know you remain a child of war.
So will I ever stop expecting you to love me more?

Wide eyed and open mouthed
by river’s edge by broken boughs
swiftly sifting through grains so fine
unearthing gifts meant to find

Over rocky paths
beyond treacherous heights
with fear inside
I take flight

A deep dive
to open seas below
trusting the water
I let imagination flow

Doors to daydreams
open wide
a journey begins
I embrace the ride

A step back into the present
that I open with delight
I find myself smiling
as my soul ignites

Chaos’ chatter is low
while epiphany chants
“I see you, I see you
my long-lost friend!”

Greetings shake hands
as my heart starts to swell
the girl in the mirror
knows me so well

The shedding of layers
resurrecting my pain
a sudden death to identity
apart from my name

Waves of wisdom
wash over my eyes
as the girl in the mirror
reflects who I am inside

I undress their critique
and every ******* lie
their confinement never fit me
no longer will I comply

I clothe my self in ****
despite judgmental eyes
and frolic with freedom
under pure blue skies

Adorned in my new knowing
I give thanks for all I see
and while grief healed the Mother Wound
she unearthed the gift of Me

I have something to say
but my thoughts scatter
like crisp dead leaves
abandoned by their trees
obscure as ominous clouds
concealing the sun
my wounds bleeding all over time
but these pages remain starkly White
as I’m choking on a mouthful
my mind ruminates
on every last tormenting word
that continues to remain
Unexpressed

They painted her a portrait
that reminded them of her
Told her she was an outcast
She believed their every word

There are no explanations
for their blatant cruelty
The portrait of the black sheep
wasn’t a spitting image of me

I spent years trying to convince them
In every perfectionistic way
Always striving for greatness
but there never came a day

I took to beating myself up
Because I couldn’t get it right
The scars left on this body
Reflect a deep internal fight

Anxious and exhausted
I stepped out of the ring
broken and defeated
by the demons I was battling

I lived my life on false hope
believing the day would finally come
When they would love and accept me
for who I had become

Today that day does not exist
their portrait still taints the wall
but I realize I can’t win this battle
by keeping myself small

So I painted a self portrait
Of much more than what they see
Forever on my wall it speaks
“You are good enough for me”

She sits inside the prison
arms outstretched to me
I don’t have the heart to tell her
I still haven’t found the key

She sees me as her savoir
spending years trying to set her free
She continues to live on false hope
with no one to blame but me

I trusted all the wrong people
but how was I to know
Her family just wouldn’t support her
and I just couldn’t let that go

Accusing her of hateful crimes
She was completely misunderstood
I tried so hard to convince them
but they just wouldn’t see her good

And so it occurred to me
I’ve been doing things all wrong
Trying to prove her innocence
to those who refuse to let her belong

I head back to the prison
and slowly take her hands
I have to tell the truth
and pray she understands

I look deeply into her eyes
feeling every ounce of shame
I just can’t free her
but she says I’m not to blame

She wipes away my tears
whispering stop searching for that key
You exposed the truth of our false hope
and that’s enough to set me free

My words are so protected
terrified to lose themselves
in others misunderstandings

So I battle for the cure
of their never ending war
in amongst the trenches

As they lie dormant inside
awaiting the perfect moment
and the safest place to escape

Overcome by numbness
and the inability to speak
I reek of battlefield sorrows

Their grave misunderstandings
cut deeply into my core
and I uncontrollably bleed the truth

My words unravel in a fury
valiantly staking their claim
to never lie dormant again