I am left to bathe in the residue of your cruelty
scrubbing every festering wound
to the bone
but your scent lingers like a thousand deaths
and I can’t wash away this ugliness
I am rotting in your filthy essence
Alone in this bloodbath
infected with the incurable disease
of hatred

How dare you bully me into giving away a piece of myself!!
I.was.ten.years.old.
10
How dare you expose yourself in front of me!!
No.Self.Control.
How dare you steal my innocence without a second thought!!
your.one.track.mind.
How dare you use me against myself!!
my.low.self.esteem.
How dare you ask me to put that in my mouth!!
you.disgust.me.
How dare you!
no.self.respect.
How dare you!
you.changed.me.forever.
How dare you!

Will I finally smile the truth?
Will years of suffering vanish from my youth?
Will I willingly love me for me?
Will you look into my eyes and know I am free?
Will fear still control my every move?
Or have I stepped into life and followed my groove?
Will I look into mirrors without hate in my eyes?
Will I finally trust myself and give up the lies?
Will I be living the life I dreamed?
Or will this one still be falling apart at the seams?
so many questions
I need to know
Into a painstaking journey
to finding my soul
I can’t wait to uncover the woman inside
Peel back each layer to swallow my pride
Dump the hitch hikers who stole their ride
This one is for me and me alone
This rediscovery will carry me home

Cry, cry sweet child
Let Sorrow rise.
Surrender
For faith will step in.
Release
What is not yours to own.
Give a voice to the secrets
Expose your fears.
Speak out now!
...and...
Honour your tears.
Accept how you minimize the anguish inside
...and...
STOP LISTENING to THEIR LIES!
Let every ounce of pain and suffering you’ve too long endured, EMERGE
It’s time for YOUR TRUTH to be told!
Hold space as it evacuates
Let go!
RISE, RISE UP sweet child
It’s the eleventh hour
Let LOVE grasp your hand
So you can TAKE BACK YOUR POWER!!

Lying on the edge of truth
outside the borders of belonging
I suffocate inside the façade
beholden to a wilderness of pain

I watch in awe
those emerging from the chrysalis
discovering their wings
and soaring effortlessly into belonging

They are the sun radiating on a new dawn
a fuel of inspiration
lighting the way
back home

But I am a caged butterfly
burdened by clipped wings
destined to be alone
within this wilderness of pain

Those eyes
a window to the soul, to it all
I am fixated
with just one glance

               Such a blissful place.

Unconditional belonging
with creation expressed
from the face of innocence
Love is flourishing
                
               I long to flourish.

A heart wide open sings
the composition a perfect symphony
Whimsical
Feeding the soul with pure delight

               Feed me.

These eyes
remember it well
and when I surrender to
the face of innocence

                 I will be whole.

“Can u see me?” I wondered
As I followed your gaze
This seeker of validation
required acceptance and praise

I would lash out in anger
or be innocent and sweet
Whatever got me noticed
I aimed to please

My tears were never good enough
my sadness out of place
Not allowed to express my feelings
as fear and anguish blemished my face

When the energy began to build
I learned to scream and shout
It was the only way I knew
I could get my feelings out

A child craving acceptance
in a jail cell I called home
I longed to be acknowledged
where I always felt alone

A quarter century later
I have set myself free
The jailer was found guilty
the judge and jury destined to be me