I want
Younger me
To see me Succeed
in our dream.
That is what my answer should be,
But instead its
I have to make my father proud
Of me.
I want to hear those words slip from his mouth
That he is proud.
I strive
with everything I do in life,
From the pen that I write
To steps I take.
Everyday,
My goal is to hear him say
He is proud.
That is all I want in the end.
All my hard work
My grades
My life
Down to the outfits,
I want it from his lips,
His mouth
to speak,
I AM PROUD.

Im not ready.
It’s a beat
from the heart,
Steady.
Then mom gets the call,
Im not ready.
Gone.
Its a word that is overused,
Even when people dont know
how deep
The meaning
Can go.
How dark that word really is.
I wasn’t ready.
Not to hear that word,
Not to see the flower never
To be seen again.
Ill never see it again,
For its been picked
And brought
To a new home.
I never thought
This day would come.
And I wasnt prepared,
I wasn’t ready.

Its not real,
None of its real
I feel,
Delusional.
This flower
I sit staring,
I see it move,
But not on its own,
I see the wind blow.
The vines sway,
back and forth
through the rain.
This flower
Won’t go a day
Without shining,
It shines back at me
When I walk by.
I see it perk up,
It giggles and smiles at me
I see this flower slowly wilt.
I see the smile start to fade,
When others talk bad
About the seed of its past.
I make my way
Towards this flower,
Scared of what i’ll see.
Others see it as the mistakes made,
I see the joy it always caused me.
I dont want that to fade away,
It’s not real,
I wont let it be.
This flower,
I'm scared to see,
In a state
that scary.
I see the pain
It has
And the mourn it’ll give me.
This flower,
Is dying.
It’s not real
Is all
I let myself see.

life will stab with thorns.
it will grow flowers.
life will blow wind,
at the House of cards.
it will build them back up again.
life will knock you down,
so hard you won't feel like standing up.
but you have to.
Don't stop the climb
even in the darkest valleys
or the mountains high.
because the sight
at the end of the rainbow,
is worth
the walk.

They're all like
"closing the doors."
But i don't want to
I'm not going to
It's what I adore.
I'm an adrenaline ******
best way to explain to me?
I like to flirt, masted it even
How do I get so many?
I've mastered the art of the game
Like a good dodgeball round
Where you've finally got it down.
This is MY game
Like karate and kicking
Like playing and flirting.
It's all a game
A system to win
From the looks to the tone.
That's how I know
I'll never be alone.

You stress and worry about things becuase you care, and you're self-conscious, very insecure. But you shouldn't really be. You're funny and sweet and caring and loving and kind, and respectful in a way that I like. You're perfect. You bring me joy. Which is odd, because I don't know this. I've never felt this before. so, is there more?
And you're such a sweetheart, someone who's not a heartbreaker but a builder, a heart maker.

one thing that will always
be left
unsaid,
You will always be
on my mind.
the names you called me.
they will be long forgotten.
your stares.
will be forever lost.
I can manage
the whole world
with the tip of my finger,
yet you control me over one touch.
everyone can easily
drool at the sight of me,
if I let them.
yet I can drown
at your stare.
so how?
how does the peasant rule
over such a knee-dropping
queen?