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May 2020 · 101
Heliophobia
Max May 2020
Broken bones from all the yelling
Trinkets to shut me up
They say they want us to talk
But when we do it’s the same answer
Stop being so emotional
It’s hormones
They Learn the things we hide away
just to leave it
No mater who tells them
I started fearing the sun
Warmer it gets the closer I get
Shorts turn into punishment
I use to love swimming
Just because of the feeling of being underwater
It felt like dying
Peace and fear all together
But now it’s been ripped away
Taken by the fear of skin
The thing that I thought helped me
Has turned to tally marks of all the reasons I can’t
I live off Diet Coke
That sounds like a joke from afar
Till you turn the can around
I live by fear
It’s comforted me with all the things I never did
All the things I wish I hadn’t said
Shards of the mirror stick out of me
Glazed with the blood of a coward
Numbers carved in my eyes
Telling me yelling at me
You will never be enough
So why stay
So why do I stay
Because I’m a coward
Because I’m afraid
Because fear is my only friend
Mar 2020 · 91
"Daydreamer"
Max Mar 2020
Look out the window
see a world better than this
make a better me
forget what I feel
Numbness as a product of fantasy
The wings on my back
A toll of death
One no will egnoage
My best friend a ghost to the outside world
the people who truly understand me
float until you drown
look out at the lights
the voices of those we have lost
Ones stuck in their own head
just like me
Mar 2020 · 88
Who is me
Max Mar 2020
I look in the mirror and someone else stars back
Scared of change
but here we are
standing in the middle of the void
Hair dye to fix my problems
The name that I'm to scared to reqest
because I look nothing like it
I cant see myself
but then wasnt I always blind
Im trapped inside this body
who am I
will I ever beable to ansewr that
One step is all it would take
and yet fear holds me back

— The End —