Why don’t you love me?
I asked my former lover
as I recall how he abused me
and pressured me into things
for his own amusement.
Why don’t you love me?
I asked my former lover
as I remember how scared I was
when he trapped me inside my car
and inside an unwanted embrace
and during every unwanted touch.
Why don’t you love me?
I asked my former lover
after pushing down the memories
of him trying to **** me
and groping my bear chest
as I pretended to be asleep
all before we even dated.

Why don’t you love me?
I ask my closest friends
whom I considered my family
as they continued to remain friends
with my abuser.
Why don’t you love me?
I ask my closest friends
as they ignore my pain and stay silent
avoiding the things that are hard to talk about.
Why don’t you love me?
I ask my closest friends
as they dismiss my pain
every single time I express it
because he’s a “good” guy.

Why don’t you love me?
I ask my mother
as she dismisses my pain
like she’s always dismissed her own.
Why don’t you love me?
I ask my mother
as she tells me I have to just move on
and get over it.
Why don’t you love me?
I ask my mother
as I’m hurting so deeply
and I only need her comfort and support
but I’m supposed to be strong.

Why don’t you love me?
I ask myself
as I recall the events
and realize how used and disgusting I feel.
Why don’t you love me?
I ask myself
as I harm my own body
as others have harmed me
emotionally and physically.
Why don’t you love me?
I ask myself
as I fall deeper and deeper
into this self hatred.

Why don’t you love me?