The girl with her head down on the desk
Everyone else playing games with friends
She hides her face with a curtain of hair
Bright dyed red but ever so dark
Her feelings, she never learned to share
She has some friends, yes,
But few really know her
She’s broken, but there’s another girl buried
She’s always been there, and the sad girl never realized that she was hidden
But soon, that beautiful, happy, talkative girl emerged.
Her short, dyed blonde hair showing off her spotty, but smiling face
Her eyes a sparkling blue
She makes friends with the people in her class,
And more people really know her for her
That sad girl still comes out now and again,
But she retreats when the happy girl tells her too
Because the happy girl has taken over
Hopefully, for good.

Instead of my mothers arms
Rocking me to sleep
I had a car riding through the night
To lull me to dreamland

Instead of a lullaby
Right before bed
I heard the sounds of the highway
As I drifted off

Instead of old friends
Meeting up at the beginning of each year
I had a new school every few months
No time to make friends in between

And instead of a family house
A place to call my home
I had apartments, distant family’s houses
Air beds to sleep on

Until we were off
On the road
Heading towards a new beginning
Once again

Life is beautiful.
A beautiful disaster.

I feel content.
Contentment is impossible.

I have so many people that love me.
But others have more.

I want to do nothing.
But my legs yearn to stretch.

I want to stay home from school tomorrow.
But I miss my friends.

I want to be with my girlfriend.
But I would rather be with my best friend.

I want to meet my mom’s boyfriend’s daughters.
But I’m scared that they won’t like me.

I want to like my dad’s girlfriend.
But I’m scared that they won’t last long.

I want so many things.
But I don’t.

It’s been about a year and a half
Since I moved out of my old house
Because of my parents divorce.
And I just recently started to realize...
I’m forgetting it.
I’m forgetting what it looked like
The memories that happened there.
And even though many of them were bad,
So many others were good.
And I don’t want to forget...
I just want to move on.
But I can’t.
I wish I could go back
But I can’t.
I wish I could get my parents back together again
But I can’t.



I can’t do anything.

My ears are ringing
And all other sounds
Are lost in the endless turmoil
Of my mind

Every voice
Every blare of the siren
Everything around me
Is muffled to a buzz in my ears

My head is throbbing
And I can hear my ever-slowing heartbeat in my ears
And it isn't just the almost 4-inch deep **** that hurts so much
Its everywhere

And the pain finally gets to be so
unimaginable, overpowering
That I think my mind decides
Not to feel it anymore

So the perpetual shooting pains
Up and down my whole being
Start to dull
Down to a still painful, but bearable ache

And as the world around me starts to fade away
I see one thing that makes me realize
That I may not live past this day
I see my family
My friends

So I close my eyes
And in my mind, growing blurrier by the second
I tell them how much I love them all
And I can almost hear
The sounds of them saying
They love me, too

I’m so tired
But I can’t sleep

It doesn’t work,
Counting sheep

I lay awake
In the darkness of night

And I think about tomorrow
What battles I’ll have to fight

Because surely there’ll be many
There always are

But I know I’ll get through it
And because of it, I’ll fly far...

Away...

           from...

                       here.

If life really is all about change,
Then why hasn’t my situation changed?
It’s been like this for almost a year
Why is it still the same old thing,
Over and over again?
Am I just in an endless loop
Of pain?
Perhaps.
I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

I’m feeling poetic today
And I have no idea why
I’ve been reading poems all day,
Searching for something to spark an idea
But nothing is coming to me
I look around my room
Still nothing
I think about what I did today
Nothing interesting
There’s something so weird about
How when you try to sit down and write,
Nothing comes out
But at the worst possible time,
When you have no where to right it down,
You get an idea
Poetry seems to hate me
**** that
Everything seems to hate me
Well, that’s great
Talk to you later

If someone asks if you’re gay,
All you have to do is say
“I don’t know, are you?”
Well, that’s awkward,
But it will confuse them long enough
For you to run back into the closet
And hug your (obvious) gayness and say
“It’s ok, we’ll come out soon enough.”

I tell you the time, day in and day out
If I was not here then you would shout
“I’m late! I'm late!”
Oh, what a shame
That you were late and I'm to blame
I'm the reason you're on time to work
And your boss doesn't think that you're a ****
Many take my presence for granted
Like many do not know the world is slanted
They think it's common knowledge that
The clock is always there
But when I break
It's too late
Better say your prayers

Are you awake?
Are you here?
Are you listening?
Because I have a question.

Am I pretty?

I know it sounds very stereotypical
For a girl my age
To be asking this question
But I really am wondering

Personally,
I think that I’m kind of pretty
I think my eyes are kind
And a nice blue

I think that though my face
Is a bit chubby,
I have a nice ****** structure

But I said that I think that
I’m average looking
Which was how I felt at that moment
And though it sounds odd
You agreed,
And it really, really hurt

Because you are SO pretty
And my best friend
There’s no one else I can ask
Without feeling REALLY awkward

I wish I was pretty
I wish I was thinner
I wish I had cuter clothes
I wish I was extroverted
I wish
That I was
Everything that I am not


Being in my body is torture.

Her heart is golden,
But covered in soot.

She wants to find her purpose,
But doesn’t know where to look.

She has a personality,
But it’s buried deep inside.

For her emotions and sadness,
Have cast it aside.

She has a good life,
But can’t figure out how to live it.

She needs to take a step,
But all she can do is pivot.

She’s frozen in time,
Her destiny sitting dusty on a shelf.

Her existence is a mystery,
Afraid of unraveling itself.

The color red stands for danger...
And for love.
I don’t think it is a coincidence.

The color red stands for danger...
And for love.
It just means that love is worth the danger

I like you.
But I’ll get over it soon.
I sit with you at lunch every day,
Which may make this hard,
But I need to get over you.
Nothing is ever going to happen
Between us
So I should start realizing
That I need to find someone new.
It’s just so hard
Because no matter how much I tell myself,
That I’ll never have you,
I can’t stop myself from fantasizing,
About if you were mine
And I were yours.

What do I want?
I want you.

What do I need?
I really just need you.

What do I miss?
Well what do you think?
I miss you
And only you.

She used to make me smile
But now, all she does is make me cry
It’s my fault, I’m to blame
I’m starting to crumble inside.

Riding home
On the bus
People talking
Laughing
I want to be alone
Earbuds in
Left
Then right


Play


A melody floods my senses
Drowning
In beauty
Close my eyes
I feel peaceful
I feel happy
I feel safe
My body is numb
I am free in the music
Flowing across the strummed notes


This music is my whole world.


Nothing can hurt me if I don’t see it
Nothing can hurt me now
Nothing can hurt me
Nothing will hurt
Nothing


This,
Is pure happiness

Heartfelt words
Flow out of my mouth
In perfect harmony
With yours

Why do people think
That money is so fine?
That a green dollar bill
Is so crisp and divine?

The sight of a sunrise
Do you even see?
You answer,
“No. I can’t see what’s right in front of me”

Because surely you don’t
Your just power hungry
You think your life will be fulfilled
With some hot sugar mommy

But really life is all about
Recognizing the beauty in our world
If you think that money is all there is to see
You’re living in a ******* dreamworld

Two hearts
Beating out of time
Once they were in-sync,
But now,
They are nothing more than strangers
To one another
Life is strange in that way

They say
“You must love yourself
Before you can love anyone else”
But,
What if I need someone to love me,
For them to show me
How to love myself?

When you wore that dress that day
Oh, all I could do was stare
Beauty in,
And beauty out
“You look amazing!” I just want to shout
The most beautiful girl I have ever seen
Is so funny and is so keen
So silly and so weird
She has no idea
But to me it is clear
She is the most incredible human being
And I just wish she knew
How highly I truly think of her
And oh, how she makes me swoon

Thunderclouds stumbling in
Because I pushed them
I want the storm
I’m searching for people’s pity
I enjoy it
And it’s awful
I shouldn’t want to be pitied
But for some reason,
I do
And I don’t know how to stop
So if I act like I’m searching for pity
Don’t give it to me
I need to learn
Thanks for your contribution

Blue skies
Fluffy clouds

Beating sun
Summer sounds

Dancing freely
Under the stars

Our time cannot be wasted
The world is ours

Roses are drooping
Violets are dead
Outside I’m happy
But life I still dread

My insides have rotted
But my outer is implying
That I am alright
Why am I always lying?

Away,

Away,

Away they go.

Off and gone,
With the falling snow

Up,

Up,

Up the hill.

Into the horizon,
More souls to ****

When I’m having fun,
People think that I forget
Forget about my family issues,
My anxiety,
But I don’t
It is engraved in my brain
An ever-playing movie
On the backs of my eyelids
I’m always thinking about it,
Sometimes,
It just bothers me more than others

Those days you feel on fire.
But.....good fire.........
Being with friends,
Laughing until my stomach hurts,
And just being myself without consequences.
Joking with my mom in the kitchen,
Being silly and never saying anything correctly.
Days where I go outside
And I feel alive.
Like I could run forever into the woods that I know will end.
These are my fire days,
What are yours?

A little while ago,
I found that whenever I get excited about something
I get disappointed somehow
So, from then on
I try not to get my hopes up too much
But with you
I never can
Because I always have that little part of me
That says that this time will be different

Love is forever
Or so I always thought
Many hold on
But some may fall

You vowed to love each other
Until death do you part
But you decide you will not
And that breaks my heart

Forever is a strong word
To have it we all aspire
But it seems to me
Forever sometimes expires

I know it is for the best
But I still resent it
We will get by it
Nothing will prevent it

Eat?
No
Eat?
No.
Please, eat?
No!
Cut?
Yes.
One
Two
Three
Red lines across the hips
Blood
        d
            r
               i
                 p
                    s
Over my fingertips
Blood
Red, hot blood
Dizzy
Hit floor
Black
Bye...

In the beginning, you and I were like two stars in a cloudless sky
Staring at each other with such awe that we forgot that anything else existed
Holding hands and laughing and being together
Like two young people in love
But then we began to drift away
Stars with different goals in different places
You and I were like two shooting stars flying in opposite directions
Shooting across the sky in our own way, not thinking about each other
Not talking, not laughing, not holding hands
Just silence, and sadness, and disappointment
We weren’t meant to be
Not written in the stars like we thought we were
Just two people who thought it was love
Two people with everything
And nothing at the same time
We didn’t give each other what we needed
It was sad, but it had to happen
So I left her









i’m sorry