My breath caught
the words abandoned me
my Heart collapsed
it shivered then crumbled,
quivering
in it’s shattered state
I stared at an empty sheet of paper
trying to fill the blank spaces
but all I see is scenes of the past
they flow over the page like water
taunting me
screaming soundlessly
writhing and twisting like monstrous nightmares
these shadows I tried to contain
these demons I tried to drown
the past I tried to suppress
but they refuse to be ignored
No they demand my attention like greedy beasts
they claw at my mind
Demanding I let them out of their cage
it’s tempting
but letting them out would break me
they bear the memories I wish I could burn
they carry the pain he left
the insecurities he loved to force upon my mind
all the tears I wasted on them
worst of all they throw my fear and guilt at me
these monstrous nightmarish demons
claw at my soul while they tear at my mind
they beg for my destruction
and I can feel them getting free
the tears race down my cheeks to stain my chest
my eyes finally see the fading scars on my skin
and my body once again learns to hate itself
my mind commits every imperfection to memory
and whispers
“you’ll never be good enough”
the tears come faster
my mind whispers
“you can not ignore these demons”
my body screams at me
my mind whispers
“there is no escape, no way to appease me”
my bones tremble in disgust
my mind whispers
“you will never be loved”
my soul cries out
my mind whispers
“you'll never be enough, only I can 'love' you”
my heart bleeds
my mind whispers
“only I truly know how ugly and scarred you are"
My breath caught
the words abandoned me
my Heart collapsed
it shivered then crumbled,
quivering
in it’s shattered state
I stared at an empty sheet of paper
trying to fill the blank spaces
only to find blood spattered pages

I hide myself in the dark
close myself off to every feeling that threatens to grip me
play the silent awkward girl in the corner
breathe music as if it were the very thing keeping me alive

love, a thing only found in books
dreams always flitting around the edges of my thoughts
like phantoms come to haunt my every waking moment,
stealing every thought
every desire written in a ratty journal
my personality hidden within the pages of a book yet to be read
my story unfolding with each word on empty pages
my soul entwined with moonlit fire,
wolves howling sorrows to the full moon,
the wind whispering sweet secrets in the ears of those who listen,
caressing bare skin and messing hair as it darts around

I lost myself wondering the lonely paths between trees
paths that seemed to lead to nowhere
riddled with shadows and dark promises like Snow White’s toxic apple
the sweet sticky rays of dying moonlight clinging to my skin
and an arch of trees ahead seemingly harmless

I go around in circles never finding an end to the wall of trees
so deep in the dark I find no way out no light

I carve my own path and find myself hiding in the shadows
my eyes barely visible beneath the waterfall of hair I hide behind
my hands shake as he comes too close
my thoughts center around the only question my brain can manage
why does he come so close?
can he see me hiding in the shadows?
his interest in me scares me and yet I can’t help but let him come closer
and the closer he got the more terrified I became
yet I couldn’t seem to stop

My hands trembled but I couldn’t stop the excitement
couldn’t close my eyes to the only true warmth in what feels like ages
when I should have run back to the dark

You got so close to me that we nearly died
I wasn’t looking for you but you found me anyway
because of you I found my way out of the dark that always protected me

I never stepped out but you brought me to the edge
and for that I can’t seem to thank you enough but it came with a price
I can’t seem to get you out of my head
your eyes haunt my dreams but you’re so unreachable now a days
and I ache longing for those willful days

The days when you answered my calls,
when we talked all night until I fell asleep,
aching for the days when you would give anything to make me happy,
bringing me out of my protective shell so that you could see me
and now with you gone I can’t help but retreat once again

Those who Dance to the Music are
considered Insane by those who cannot Hear it.

But are we not all insane?
Are we not part of the same life of sound, music and death?
Are we not all behind the same wall?

We're all insane. It's just that not everyone knows it.
Which is why they're staring at me because I'm humming.

I'm sure everyone knows they're insane but refuse to admit it.
So they stare and judge.

Probably.
Of course, we're absolutely mental.
We're mad.
All the best people are.
But the really insane ones are those who think they're normal.

Yet they send us to mental institutions.

Because they honestly don't realize . . . we all have monsters.
We stopped running from the ones under our beds, when we realized
they were inside of us.
We're all monsters.
No avoiding it.

Fire is believed to be deadly, dangerous and destructive
but there’s so much more to these bright flames.
It’s also beautiful,
the way it sways in a slight breeze,
almost hypnotic,
Bringing light to the darkest of shadows,
heat to the coldest of nights.
Fire is associated with all types of evil
but the truth is fire isn’t evil or good it’s those who wield it.
Fire is not the ultimate weapon of destruction
it’s not just the thing associated with hell.
Fire is beautiful, destructive and perfect in it’s own way.
While most prefer Water, cool and soothing
or Earth, alive and peaceful
even Air, gentle and refreshing
I prefer Fire, hypnotic, unpredictable, stunning and warm.
We use the word fiery to describe one’s personality or attitude
and while yes the other elements are unpredictable
it’s not really the first word that pops into one's head.
To be fiery is a compliment and yet fire itself is somehow bad
it’s not bad it’s more like an untrained puppy
a wolf just learning to hunt.
It’s mysterious, wild, eccentric and unyielding.