If you're the girl who will kiss all of the scars
left by the ones that came before you,
come closer,
I would like to say hello
(will you let me kiss yours too?)

If i said goodbye, who of you would say hello?
I i said that I was leaving, would you say that you would go?
would you remind me of the promises
that we made without our words
or would you walk away and leave me
pretend that you just hadn't heard
would you remember my voice and the many times i cried
would you forget our promises, could they really all be lies?

we talked of
Collaborations.
Pieces of poets
Put together.
In lines.
You spoke,
and asked
if I would like to.
What could I say
besides
an exhilarated yes.
But one I can’t quite place.
There was…
Some connection there.  
In that moment.
Honestly, I am glad for my uncertainty
In my giddiness’s origin.
And I doubt
One collaboration will be enough
I’ll definitely want more of them.

Five. A simple number. Not so simple getting here. But it seems like my whole life was lived up until we began - so that we could begin - and make it this far- and even farther...i just don't know how far...and more than anything i wish i knew.. i wishwe'd get to see each other more than every two or three weeks... we've been talking all the time - mostly about nothing at all. And i miss you like crazy baby... I feel far from you...and it worries me...I hate feeling far from you...when you're the one I'm closest to. It isn't a pretty place, and I don't know what to do, but I've had this line of a song stuck in my head for like a day or two..."If you don't like how this place is, then take yourself to higher places". That's what we'll do. We've been in high places together. And we've been low. We've been places we shouldn't go. But I'm where I want to be whenever I'm with you...and today is special so I want you to know...while feelings go up and down and we do too, my love for you will always be atleast this big.
                                                                                          
                                                                                                                              Codybear, your very own STR
                                                                                                                                                 (<3)

No medication,
What's my purpose in position?
What is this that I've been missin?
Keep on movin, keep forgettin
that I'm here and on a mission
feel a spark there in my chest
risin from my hollow breast
gotta get up take a chance
It won't burn out like the rest
I'm gonna
let it smolder, let it flame
let it build, give God the blame
he lit it - no one can **** it
no one can take the love that's in it,
let it blaze, let's let it roar
I'm breakin chains, get off the floor
been layin down and takin kicks
from myself, ignorin ticks
tellin me
I've been set free, I'm free indeed-
but free and lost and on my knees
why'm i dead here on my face
I've been too blind to too much grace
but heaven holds the healing
to the empty i've been feeling,
to the nothing i have felt,
to the hand that i've been dealt,
to the pain that I've been dealin with, well,
to the lies that Ive been tellin my self,
to all the things i fear to face
the answer is amazing grace
This is not a crutch.
This is the solution.
The answer to my mind I'm losin
Truth amidst the lies of hell that hurt holds.
Take time to stand still and Let my lord touch my soul.
Been walking with a dark understanding,
got too far and too demanding
thought my way was the best way,
think I'm losing it , think my chest may,
cave in, I'm lookin for the silver lining,
but i can't see past the ceiling,
tired of all the climbing,
I'm trying, but i can't keep looking up
need to feel like you're here beside me before i just give up

I **** self
daily I die at my own hands
I die that I may live more than any empty man
I AM! - what am I?
my - my hands - my hands lie,
why? - I  tell the truth - like to say at least i try
the- sky mocks me with its silence, you're listening and you've got this,
but my prayers hit the ozone
I have felt this way for so long.
I know you hear, i know that's real
but how can I, when I believe but I don't feel
I am numb. I hate your will.
I will
do whatever it is that this takes-
said the same words before but they were fake-
didn't feel them, I guess it was the same problem,
I mean they're vicious and God you know I've got em,
only you can heal em,
let me, love my self, so i can love somebody else,
make me love my enemy like i love my brother,
cleanse this tongue - if you can't - cut it out, I'll take another, mother -
mary she did't say much
saw the spear pierce, heard your flesh crunch,
watched you be battered and bruised, becoming broken and abused-
So i could feel you, know you
you know, live you, show you-
not like a coward- like a lion
sick of lyin sayin i'm dying, I'm not.
I'm livin. I'm livid.
Angry, called to be an extremist
but barely any action ecapes, as extreme as words extreme as this.

Now he knows.
She introduced his necklace to inferno.
No shame, she set aflame
Flowers from prom night.
Sifted their sweet ashes into a jar
Maybe even prayed the ashes or the glass they came in would leave a scar
Tied it with a pretty ribbon
(maybe just in metaphor)
Grinned while she envisioned
His defeat from afar
(From here I can hear the smile cross her lips.)

And all this time she said she’s sleep
With the teddybear she gave my name
(Lay awake and wish it was me…please…)
(I often do the same)
Still has the jacket named skillet hanging in her closet
(She could wear it if she’s really cold…)
(She hasn’t lied or lost it)
She still has my purple heart
(She has all of them I’m told)
This...this gives me hope I'm scared to hold.

Tick.
Tick.
Not a clock.
It's my neck.
Tock.
Tock.
It's heavy on
the chopping block.

The clouds look like
my head feels.
I question what
is even real.
Foggy thoughts
gum up my mind.
Life as real...
as reason,
rhyme.

The audacity
that you would write a ***** a love letter
That you would in so many words announce your affections for a *******
Thay you would pour out your heart
to a harlot

But here in hand i have it
written in blood turned tan from time travel
caligraphy cornerstones that mark the foundation for forgiveness
lithography laden with agony for the cause of love

It's as if even now, i can watch your quill
as it traipses across parchment
fabricated from your very own lamb's skin
still marred with scars
rough and red
tears at it's edges
and holes torn by gashes

the audacity of that "I love you"
scrawled in the crucifix cursive of the creator of the earth and its
universe
unfurled to cut the mundanity with meaning


The audacity...


I am wordless.


My soul is far from speechless.

Rat a tat , tap on a desk
Pentip raps and the beat is my heart in
my chest
Stuck sitting
I can't stand it
If writers were criminals you'd catch me
redhanded
Words smoothe like red silk and silky
black.velvet
Syllables Spilling from my lips and sounding
like sanskrit

Wrote this
just.to say that I could write it
But it doesn't Set my heart on fire because
empty words can't
ignite it

been about a dozen.days since my pen has touched a page
Thought I had a message to.send but I.don't have much to.say

Apparently
I am a blade with no edge
"useless tool"
She said it because I cut her.

"I want to but i can't"
the chanting becomes ranting
like autumn leaves that leave the trees
falling from my lips with ease
but never heard above the breeze
the only sound from my mouth is the air that i breathe

Background bombarded by
four/four back beat
.44 - bang!
forty-four  goodbye.

The path is crooked, long and pained,
but brother wolf walk on
for if it's rained, return we not,
all we walk is vain

The path is crooked, long and pained
the rain obscures the trail,
the scent of prey's not in the air
soaked fur and hanging tail
your dripping eyes and looming gait
tell of your arduous walk
but brother wolf walk on, walk on,
walk on and we will talk

of romance and naivete and hearts that come undone
of moonlit night when flames we met, of sparks and summer suns
live wild and young and free and bold
listen well that you may hear
this hunt, it only passes once, as seasons **** the year
but lone we aren't though wolves we are
and loyalty lies between
these wolves whose pack is not of blood
but of a bond that bleeds

vision may obscure we by the foolish or the brave
by Russian waters, or by lights, from fool's fake flame's that blaze, by passions that we crave
but through it all and by the path when by the way exhaust
your brother stops in passing by and howls "not all is lost"

for today and through the night and through the future fair
be we brother's deathly strong and princes of the air
wolves with wings and sharpened claws and hardened hides to match
we one may fly and one may dive and one day have our catch

after all we walk this path through mazened woods and sky
and after all, and after all, we'll walk it til we die

disorder from an aerial view , the other's taken turns
that crooked lead and path diverge and do our purpose spurn
warn with a whistle, call and care, "that turn will harm our dream"
give advice and give it quick, revealing everything
where brother's blind his brother eyes see not what things seem

the turning trails and easy paths left open to our paws
the trails that take  no pain to walk no effort, none at all
are oft the ones that easy take and lead our hearts astray
begin to kindle fickle flames that tomorrow die away

let not our hearts nor paws nor wings nor looks be knocked aside
but be we steady in the brotherhood and steady in our stride
steady in our dreams, and steady be in nights,
steady in our running, steady peering down from heights

the path is crooked, long and pained
but brother wolf, walk on
for if it's rained, return we not
all we walk is vain

so brother wolf, walk on . . .

we are
Brothers not of blood, but of a bond that bleeds
brothers stronger than the boughs of any family tree
brothers truer than any of our parent's sons
brothers that are brothers despite all the hell we've done
brothers more honestly than i can say to all my kin
brothers
we are brothers, despite the color of our skin
brothers, ever, the color of our hearts the same
brothers, loyal, brothers, through the final days

Dragon awake ye, rise and ye may find
that dawn has had it's day, and night it lies behind
morning comes again and with it brings the sun
reminding us of flames, remembering we've done
all it takes to bank the ash, and to see our flames won
one day say we as we walk here in this wasted wood
lumber past the trees, see that though it's dark it's good
keep walking through and pass a pond that's feeding from a stream
fresh water midst the tangled trees - like brotherhood it seems
remember that though lone we walk - true in a sense or way
still with brothers by our side stand we loyal to this day
through many wars and battles fought and many won or lost
this bond 'bove blood has grown by bound, but at no little cost
the price we pay is loyalty and always standing firm
passing on wise words we've heard and lessons that we've learned
call each other on our bluffs and blindnesses, even on our weaks
stand up and with our armored hide, shield each other's breaks
that my strong may be your weak and your strong become mine
that together, we like dragons stride, armored every side
It is together we will war the world and win
defeating every enemy that raise or rise against
but battle foam may eager fly from our every scale
and fiery, painful, brutal be our battle against hell
but raise we with our talons true and truth held in our gaze
It is a noble war and one, that we chose to wage

let the poetry flow from me
like water flows through mountain streams
I invoke you my muse, and as the Greek you don't exist
but truly I'm inspired by something, my muse - it is this
that though i should be dead i live
that though i should whither i don't die
that, in the scorching weather, i thrive, overcome, rise
up and above, outward and over, got trials, i can overcome another
and keep them coming because I'm never going under
gonna turn my poetry into the ability to swim
never gonna suffocate at the hand of my demons, I'm gonna suffocate them
push their heads under the water as i use their skulls as ladder steps
I'm climbing out of the ocean and I'm wearing mad hatter hats
The water didn't drive me insane, it's insane that i survived
but here i am and I'm embracing the insanity inside
myself, but
I am not beside my self
not by my self even when i am alone

I will leave it up to you to decipher if
I'm referring to the voices or a divinity - both fit
(Hint: cling to it)

writers
chew on pens like
they're smoking
their favorite cigarettes

Clash. Zap. Thunderclap.
Orbitals charged with electricity collide - feels like  crossing the streams
let's - smash atoms like Adam and Eve,
pierce fiercely with particles blown white hot from my accelerator
Insatiable
Like  trying to fill up a black hole, so i accelerate her
excite her, ignite her, my touch lights her on fire
combust.
a cloud of ecstasy like Co2  rises higher
I've got my eyes on your ions
take a picture it'll last longer?
snap a photo digitize her
particles turned pixels tilt their head skyward
transcendant enlightenment, released it inside her
E=mc^2 , i can please you at the speed of light
we just rewrote the big bang theory and this time we got it right
opposites attract and charged sparks fly
we might not touch but ion be ****** if we don't try
I'm a ****** intellectual
I love your body AND your mind.

thrity minutes passed like a blind man's blinking
too solid a sleep to dream what i was thinking
when i lead down took ten aseconds to sink back into sleep
when i woke, new sleep had taken thrity minutes, in a blink

watch fingertips slip into palms
hold tight and wish for everything you're too scared to say
-at least that's what i do, anyway,
I've got to wonder what you're praying for
I have a feeling
that, if i could dive into them, your prayers
(if i'm not already there)
that i would be inclined to tread water there to the edge of drowning
-and perhaps past-
If that's what it'd take to see them answered

just a slip into sight
turned around thought i might
catch a glimpse, i was right
saw your hands interwovern, intertwined
head bowed praying to the divine
then came a thought i'm not quite sure was mine
"praying is like holding hands"
with your self, and with the sky
with your faith and with fire
but whether you call me prince or call me liar
I wish you
were holding mine

If you've ever realized
If it's ever crossed your mind
that praying
is like holding hands
with your self
and with God
perhaps your next thought would be
how
I must pray to God
that your right hand will soon be mine (again?)

Brother
shake up like the Romans did
check for weapons
because even though i trust you to fight with me
you can trust me to commit treachery

This is a rebellion against my intrinsic Romantic.
I've decided I have no time for love if it's suffocated by semantics.

You are my muse
and that, to me  is amusing
you think you're using me
but i'm using you
to produce a substance that is a part of me
It is a substance that many men have dubbed poetry

You are not an object, you are a soul
encapsulated in the beautiful-
in a sense , the innocence you embody is heavy sent
but in this world it's a countdown like
eleven. . . ten. . .
dissolving as you appear as an object
**** your self out for the pleasure of the audience
It's tragic, wreaks havoc, it's intrinsically implied
the less you are true to the beauty that is you, the more your beauty is not reflected
is rejected, denied

I want to write a storm so well it blows you away
use words so mindblowing you don't know what to say
using just my words and speeches leave you wrecked and speechless
throw daggers with deadly proficiency, ones crafted from words i spit with full efficiency
i might repeat myself but i do it efficiently
spit spirit twice over to show her it sticks with me

Here I am thinking of you again
sometimes i can't get you out of my head
all i can do is think about you until
some ****** test demands my attention

then i hurry through
and daydream of being with you

Did you know that you are the person on earth that i am closest to?
You are. And i'm glad it's you.
Because I'm not sure
I could trust anyone the way i trust you

My Flutter
because a flutter is a group of butterflies
like you give me all the time
I really love your flutter smiles
your flutter eyes, your flutter ears
I've loved you flutter for a couple years
with a fluttery heart and a secret glance
and then we gave our love a chance
to fly, to flutter, and to soar
I want to flutter evermore
yes i know these words are cheesy
but i hope they flutter freely
In your heart and in your mind
as i sneak between your smiles
as i steal my path past grins
i hope that you'll remember them
a simple gift to you from me
I always want to make you happy
The smiles on your face
sweetly fluttering into place
evidence that i make
That butterfly in your chest
flutter quick and race
to your fluttery happy place

I LOVE YOU FLUTTER!

Fabsulous
Absdorkable
Absmazing

Silhouetted by the Setting Sun
I'm content but i am mourning because
another day is almost done
Why does it have to be this one?
The one i met you for the first time?
The first day i held you and wished you were mine?
the one i learned  our lips slip together
like rhymes
from a poet's soul

The night i knelt and asked because it just felt right
why must i walk away again tonight?
Why do i have to be away from you?
My waking dream that's coming true
and here i sit not knowing if
tomorrow is worth leaving this
this bliss...?

Will it be broken by morning?
Or will i even feel it through sleeping?
and in the night when in my dreams i'm waiting
will you be my gentle shaking
when i lie there slowly waking?

The purple light bleeds dripping  through the southern sky
the sun falls silent to the moon's soft shine
and i
i have to realize
that no matter how much or how many times
i wish it wasn't or beg to know why
even the best of days will pass away
when sun and moon are gone
then must come another day

And I
I realized
silhouetted by the setting sun
that if the first would not have gone
then the rest would not have come
that if the ones before had stayed
the ones thereafter would be slayed
only the first day would exist
silhouetted by a sun like this.

I love to be able to take your words away and make your thoughts my own
I love knowing that somehow i manage to awe you with nearly everything i say
That you hold on to my every word so hard that your own slip from your mind
That i am what is on your mind. I love it. But do you ever think more?
I know you really well, yes, but in many ways your thoughts are a mystery to me.

Feeling like severance may just be deliverance in disguise
running in my mind but turning and tripping because i'm looking behind
wandering and waiting and trying to figure out the why's
but tripping over each question every time
disgusted when i look into the mirror of my own eyes
so i close them and escape this moment of mine
the one where i'm surrounded by people attempting to get to me
and i just stand here in a coma on my feet, not saying anything , but smiling
a dead smile that most people think is alive
they act like my happiness is inscribed,
understood and read between the lines
That for me to lose it,
and fall apart and be lost and alone and depressed in the middle of all the amazing things i have
would be a crime
but they don't see the lies in my smiles
and the dying in my silent cries
they don't feel that in every touch
i am dissolving into dust
that in my heart i am doubting
every single person that i trust
that i know that i can trust
but
i am crippled and only doing what i must
to live a life worth anything
more than everything i can be
because i am nothing
and only the people that i love are anything of worth to me