I’m not the one to just be friends
No I don’t want to comprehend
Your actions hurt me more than words
No I can’t just go and pretend
Like you

I don’t like asking for help
I’ll just feel like an attention *****
I’ll deal with it until I take it out on my art

“But I guess I learned something from you
you gotta be loud and you gotta yell
You gotta break things and make a mess
and leave it for someone else to clean up in the end”

Being a workaholic
And needing something to take my mind off things
I’ve grown to be very talented
It’s such a blessing and a curse
But hey at least I forget about you in the moment

I’m crying
And it’s my birthday

I’m so selfish
I’m the worst person I’ve met
Why haven’t I seen through his view
He always says hi
But I just act uninterested and say hi in a weird manner now
Maybe he’s trying to talk about it
I’m so awful
But at the same time I was trying to talk about it and he left me waiting for a month
I feel worse

As I’m hinged over the sink
I cry, and whisper
“Move on”



I don’t know how long it’ll take

I met two angles
And neither of them helped

That vacant stare of yours
Will and never scare me anymore
But I see it more often in myself now
And that scares me

As I’m standing outside my open sliding door
During the rain
Listening to the sounds
Not caring who hears
I scream,
“*******! But don’t forget I loved you”
im not going to wait for you no more

You lonely bird
How do you do it?
You fly so passionable, but your always alone
What do you see that I can’t?
I envy you
But I’ll never tell you how much I love you

That one person can restore your faith in love,
And rob you of it at the same time - Maria Mena

I want to see myself grow
I want to grow into myself
Not a mold, but into how I want to be
I want to be happy
I want to be free

“Once my mother said to me
Don’t ever stop imagining
The day that you do is the day that you die”



(I want to be an artist)

They always say to keep your head held high
But never over the clouds

I wish you could see
That for even you, the person that made me feel so much pain
I’d give it all away
Just to see a truly meaningful smile



(I rather see a smile because I know I’ll never get that one kiss from you)

My love

You aren’t affected by this

I sometimes think of your hair
The way you made me feel
Dou, you were and still are the best
You were more than a friend to me
I see you in him,
Sometimes I feel awful about it
I hope you get this somehow
I know your far and all
But I still think we do the same things as before

I don’t like (the way you move me)

In the end
All I wanted was a hug from Angle


In the end
All I needed was a hug

“I hope to never come back.
May death bring me peace
And love, oh love come...
Love come”

You said you were busy
But at least you like my recent photos
I purposely posted to see if you would like them
Glad to know we’re both up at 1am

If you don’t try
You’ll be told to try harder
But if you try too hard
You’ll be discriminated for “selfish ulterior motives”

She is all he needs and desires
And its about time that I require, someone who knows I’m not a fool

I can’t stand the pain of waiting for you to text me back
I said to you “it’s better just to forget this all happened”
It’s a new year and I swore I’d stop doing these things
...
Waiting for you hurts me

12/30/18

9:37

“I don’t need him”
As a silent minutes passes
He says again
“I don’t need him”
He then realizes that he was always happy with or without him from the beginning
“Ode. Ode to finally finding happiness without the need of him giving me it. I can find it and give it to myself!”

Only if you want to believe, can you truly

One time I texted a relative
But the number had actually been changed and I was talking to a complete stranger
We had the usual “wrong person”, “sorry, have a good rest of your day” conversation
At the time I found myself feeling lonely for the past months or so
I felt like waiting for response
I kept waiting
I made my own scenarios
In which we pulled it off and became friends
But I got to my senses and started to cry
I’m deprived of something
Something

Hey, sorry I haven’t texted you back

Can we meet up?

How does the park feel, I can pick you up
...
I wrote another letter

Want to know the title

“Don’t forget to smile today”

Ode to the sad mans face I saw on the lonely mountain

I want to cover myself with the sheets while I cry
But I can’t breath
I don’t know what I want more

I’ll cry later, I need to work

To show how bad you were
I fell more in love with the scenery
Than with you

We may fail in Things when it comes to living
But understand that we will always no matter what “learn”
Learn from them

A lie is worse (even when the truth is awful)

Why are there times that we don’t cry (even when someone dies)

Even though I’m giving myself time from stress of work and spending time with family having a good time
I rather spend this time with you
I know it may sound selfish
But I know I’m feeling something right

I write you letters everyday
Burn them
watch them fade away
Ask you where you going
Ghosting by
Goodbye
Angle
Bye
See you tomorrow (I hope I never see you again)
I hope your happy
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay
I’ll be okay

See you tomorrow (I hope I never see you again)

I hope I don't turn out like any of them

Trying to find a little
Order in the chaos

So I take a bus ride
In the afternoon
You all look so happy, and me
I'm barely hanging on

This is what you do to me

Drag myself out on
To the floor
Trying to find a little chaos in the order
So I take a bus ride
Past your house every day
You never fully leave me
But you, you never fully stay

This is what you do to me -Gemma

No matter how awful I feel right this moment
I hope your happy
I hope she makes you feel nice
Thanks again

The fire is calming
It’s beauty
auora
pain
Without it
What would we be
Nothing more than
someone else  
And that’s the worst thing
To happen to us
We let it happen
Now look
There’s nothing else to say
We said it all
We’re nothing else but that

You really are just alike

Unlike you
I would risk my own life to view the beauty of everything
I’d hold my breath as long as I could to view the waves
Even in the problems you give me
I try to see the beauty
I even try to hold my breath

I can see you
through you
your minds a mess
you see nothing else but the light that reflects your lighter
while i make my way towards you
the whole world starts moving faster and faster
you stroll away
i feel ashamed
i want to feel closer

You gave me your most true answer
And I didn’t care what it would have been
I would have been happy for you either way
No one said I couldn’t cry about it though
So I still cry about it

I might look the same
and I might act the same too
but i'm a little different now
I hope this was for the best
I wish you knew that i'm not strong enough to talk to you right now
say something
please

Dear God,

I ask for nothing but for his acceptance and his friendship
But if he wants
I would kindly and happily take his love too