A 'feeling'

                'clouds'

                            ­  over me

I try to find the words
to match it,
   a phrase
     that agrees with the emotion
       and search the metaphor
         to portray the image

It fights for my attention
    this 'feeling'
  and I battle with it
       for a time
It does not waver
      until I submit
I slump, defeated sometimes
       sitting with my pen

Now may not be convenient
      but 'now' is the time,
    
           apparently!!

I offer
  'patience'
and the rhyming story
  is permitted to unfold

        and be told.

As I sit
  the words and phrases
    are no longer jumbled

        they're calm ..

            and settle ..

    like tiny

                white

                     glittering flakes

            within a snow globe

Solitary bricks,
walls
ripped apart
It mirrors
how I once felt.
Each piece
reflects
forgotten moments,
they flash before me.
I smile,  painfully
but the memories are soon gone.
I cling though,
unable to release
this ****** habit.
The 'moments'
fade too quickly
yet frequent my mind
frequently.
It is 'meant to be'.
Solitary bricks
scrambled upon the ground
chaotic,  unregimented
resembling a mind, crumbling
and a heart, broken.

It isn't there right next to me
trying to make me 'feel'
peering over my shoulder
determined to be real
'Turn the other way Louise!
You don't need to look
the thing that you can't see,
it isn't even real in my book!'
So why, without its limbs
can it touch a susceptible nerve
playfully pluck at my heart strings
suggesting a love I don't deserve
Pretending I am unfeeling
it will surely disappear
I'll protect my heart that it's stealing
it'll leave and I'll stay right here
I know I'll feel alone again
but for my heart I have to care
patiently I am seated with my pen
and avoid the something that isn't there

It was created over time
   my 'state of heart'
      and it bleeds
like an unhealing wound
  My 'state of heart'
   beats to an uncertain tune
     reminding me
       of notes that are ....

            familiar

Every day they're heard
  not in the same way though
    as before

        before, is long forgotten

My 'state of heart' tries to pull me
  in directions that are
     unacceptable
        unwise

it is at times 'childlike'

     'wide eyed'

caused maybe by a stolen youth
    I think

I'm sure it weeps sometimes
  my 'state of heart'
like an insignificant, weak object
  and I ignore it of course

Why respond to such shallow sounds?

  Disregarding it all
      I continue ..

To acknowledge it means I'm there
   I am far from it
     I promise

It's just ..
  
    my 'state of heart'

         doesn't

             realise

Collaboration with the amazing Jack

Twilight shadows dance upon our walkway arched of stone
Hand in hand we stroll within this sunset summer breeze
Counting every heart beat calling sweetly of our own
Dreaming of the colors now awash among the trees

I can barely take in this wonderful scene
as my favourite view has always been you
The heavenly scent upon the warm air, lingers
intertwining with us on this late afternoon

We listen as a songbird sings so sweetly up above
In harmonies that mingle with the beauty of your eyes
Following the foot prints found along this path of love
Wishing on an early star aglow these blushing skies

Forever our fingers will connect, like our souls
my wish is to always follow you on this path
walking side by side during every sensuous sunset
through our stone archway we are immersed in love

Eternal are these days my love does share with you
*Endless passioned nights where each other we cling to

Just take me now
I really don't care
this body,  again,
with you,  I will not share

During each and every kiss
you inhaled my soul
then stole even more
when I'd have given it all

So just take me now
this one last time
and kiss me so hard
before I change my mind

Collab with Mike Hauser



I find myself more often than not
hanging by the sea
letting the tide pull out
the waves of doubt
that have so long
washed over me

Inhaling a scent so fresh
absorbing a tune so close to my heart
I linger, never feeling alone,
and wonder
Could I stay here
in this perfect work of art?

With the pastels that line
the sandy beach
the bright fluorescent
greens and blues
The pinks and reds
of the skies canvas
all mixed, in colourful hues

The swaying canvas of perfection
causes my doubts
to gently drift away
I watch them heading for the horizon
feeling soothed
by the rhythmic waves

It's a kiss
you can sink into
forgetting time
unable to remember
if it's day or night.
Plump, full mouths
lips
moist,
parted
Tips of tongues,  teasing
tasting
enticing.
Our mouths
are busy
but my body
feels jolts of electricity
elsewhere,  in other places

and we've barely even begun!

I may be that girl
you see passing by
a cheeky grin
and a twinkle in her eye
That little smile
is really just for you
she'll gaze into your eyes
so you'll know it's true

Shaking that little *****
'coz everything's alright
greeting you each day
with a wave and a 'Hi!'
She hopes to make you feel great
with her good mood and delight

You may hear her coming
with her dainty sunkissed feet
slipped into flip flops
her painted toes look a treat
Sashaying by
in a floaty summer skirt
she's a 'people person'
not a naughty little flirt

She hopes to see you again
to give a wink and a saucy smile
It's to see you on your way
and remember
you're her favourite by a mile

; )

A blank canvas to start
a direction at first unknown
blinkered but progressing slowly
or following signs and clear paths shown

Flow with the grey days
don't submit to the black
keep following blue skies
not spending too long looking back

In a purple haze of confusion
on one of those misty days
a greenness of new beginnings
is never far away

A spectrum of colours
can depict our eventful lives
each blended with incredible hues
that encourage us to thrive

Can we choose our direction?
Is there a predestined chart?
I wish for the colour in my world
to mirror the beauty of art

(written for me by my very good friend Mike Hauser)


I spend most of my adult life
by the shore
Gazing at the pounding waves
Like life, I see how
they push as they pull
the foundation
that has been laid

The grains of sand
are like splinters of my soul
that have been worn down
with time

Eroding edges
by a mothers' control
a nature very dissimilar
to mine

I watch as a child,
too close to the shore
builds a castle in the sand
What the waves wash away
she tries to rebuild
In this, I see my childhood
once again

With the setting of the sun
thoughts come to mind
of my life's beginning
as well as its end
Where the things of the past
I find so hard to forget
and even harder to forgive

I know what I must do
it's there in front of me
Forgiveness can be
my only release
I leave it all behind
as I stand to my feet
and I walk further
down the beach.

I'm sure I saw your fingerprints
a subtle mark upon my skin
forgetting your touch now
I wonder how long it's been

A voice once called me
from within a busy crowd
I turn knowing you're not there
the sound disappeared into
the clouds

I sometimes inhale the scent of you
but you're nowhere to be seen
although when I clearly see you
I forget it's only my dreams

a soft sensation on my neck
your warm lips and scented breath
those full lips once told me you loved me
and how much I meant

the curls behind my ear gently move
I know it's your whisper, from the past
the words that flowed from your mouth
telling me that this kiss would be our last

I wanted to stop time
our heated bodies entwined
                      Caressing sensuous skin
                       with wet lips that taste of sin
Just surrender to the kiss
such tantalising bliss
                       A tempting and teasing tongue
                        oh yes, I am now undone
Falling in way too deep
you have my soul to keep
                      All senses lit and on fire
                        you, are all that I desire
Tongue tracing the curves of me
I'm surrounded in a haze ..
                                               of ****** ..
                                                               ecstasy

..  the ripples tease their way
        towards me ..

           the reflection,
          'mirrors'
       the soft curve of words
     that ******
  and entice me
     creating rippling patterns
        in
          my
             mind

I was driven
to repeatedly return
to the 'literal' place of my past.

It was like an obsession!
                  I marched there
                     each day
                        looking ..

but for what I wasn't sure.

So I returned
again and again,
  eyes scanning
   mind rewinding
    in the hope,


that something would connect,
   offer a piece of the puzzle

      a piece of my past ..

           or just ..

                peace.

The man behind the pen
my, oh my!
He's what you want him to be
his words will take you to the sky

He is strong and alluring
tall, dark, good looking too
leaving you breathless and yearning
wanting so much more, and soon

Strong hands and a solemn face
he too, a little lost inside
guiding the pen with such grace
he's an honest man with pride

Solid arms, darkened by hair
they'd feel so good surrounding me
beautiful eyes holding a look so rare
I'd choose to stay, never to flee

He'd tenderly kiss me and stroke my cheek
promise to protect me forever
I'd gaze into his eyes feeling weak
knowing we'll always be together

You are two people now
and this is how it will be
not sure which one to expect
so each time, I wait and see

Will you be the monster
that's scared me most of my life
or the frightened little girl
who needs her hand held all the time

Which ever one it is today
and I'm not sure which one is worse
my emotions struggle to cope
as each side of you is a curse

I feel hurt and defensive
when the monster appears
yet when you're frail and frightened
I have to soothe your fears

The tears fall and mottle the parchment
                 there is no ink to run
                       to smear
                             or distort

The stain of shapes, letters, words
         are no longer present
                  to be deformed
                         or washed away

The instrument with which to write 
            no longer has use,
                    is no longer held
                          with such care,
                                such grace
                
  The desk that supports the weight
                       of my futility
                              has now crumbled
                                      in despair

The chair that held me
                     refuses to bear the weight
                           of my hollowness any longer

I've left behind
          the room that is so empty
                       except for a distant echo
                               of thoughts
                                    cultivated,
                                           cherished

Only the view from the window remains the same
            yet I do not stare in wonder
                     or for inspiration
              
             I turn and walk away from it all.

It's so simple really,
'Let the pen write,
tell my tale,
explain how I feel!'

I cannot!
The pen is eager,
in hand.
My mind,  however,
is stubborn
and secretive

I don't want to write
although I feel the urge.
My thoughts,
are not clear enough.
I 'suspect',
yet I cannot express.

There's a poem deep inside
a story that needs to be told
the ink needs the paper
it's shape you need to mold

Draw the precious words from your heart
pen a pattern on each line
let go and feel the emotion
as if you are without eyes

The characters pour rapidly
and your beating heart will swell
it's brimming with passion and hurt
as you share the tale you need to tell

Displayed now in black and white
your exhausted heart, quiet and calm
the poetic piece is now complete
and held tightly within your palm

I wonder if you know* ..

it's the way you gently touch my fingertips
while we are in bed together
between sleep and dreams

You don't realise ..

that I often just look at that soft, darkly tanned skin
at the back of your neck, and know what it feels like
against my lips

You'd never think that ..

the creases around your eyes
the grey in your hair
makes you look 'just delicious'!

You don't know ..

when you place your hands on my body
and you're not trying to be suggestive
is when I find it most arousing

Did you realise that ..

even after 25 years together
when "Louise" leaves your lips
that sound,  is my most favourite in the world

Did you know ...

among all the romantic gestures
that you have blessed me with
it is these things that allow me to fall for you even deeper

○

I'm looking
     because I wish to see

Searching
      because I wish to find

Listening
      because I wish to hear



I'm wanting
      because I wish to become

Retreating
       because I wish to observe

Loving
     because I wish to be loved

○

The snappy air has 'pinked my cheeks'
ruffled my dark curls
swept cobwebs away and so much more
from my mind

Going through the motions, I walk
My dogs, eager for adventure,
I, am keen to ponder
so I allow them to discover
all they can find

Meanwhile I roam a little
inside my head
while taking in how winter
is trying to take hold
and is redesigning nature

Bare and stark, gloomy at times
but I embrace the change
expectant and excited like a child still
at the thought of snow

Awaiting a blanket of white innocence
a welcome change from disorder
Layers of glittering calm
that will cause a ripple effect
in my mind

It begins as a warm fire
a tingling glow deep inside
attempting to ignore it
pushing it to the back of my mind

The warmth transforms to a burning
filling every ****** thought in my head
my body yearning and craving
the hot spot deep within my bed

I sadly wait frustrated
as at this moment I am all alone
and long for my man to return
when I know he'll make me his own

I tried to write a poem
one that wasn't about you
it's more difficult than I thought
you're like a permanent tattoo

I didn't want to include love
and the way you make me feel
or how my heart is pulled
by the words you make so real

Each and every one of them
touches a place so very deep
piercing the depths of me
even while I'm asleep

A poem without mention
of the lust I feel for you
penetrating my body
just at the thought of 'us two'

I failed at writing a poem
one that wasn't about you
never to rid you from my mind
you have all of me *consumed

I sit
and 'time' waits with me

   It's always by my side
     it's not a comfort however

       together we stare
         at each other
      'Time' waiting for me
      and I .......

I'm just waiting for the right 'time'

I sit
and 'time' sits with me

    It's always by my side
      it's not a comfort however

           together we stare
             at each other

                 'Time'  waiting for me
                     and I ........

                         I'm just waiting,
                            for the right
                               'time'

On this train journey I sit
with my precious child
I contemplate,
people, places and time,
passing so fast
too fast

It's disconcerting
how it mirrors life,
this journey,
and I worry
that my life too
passes me by this way
I'm concerned that I spend
too much time
fearing exactly this scenario
Yet here I sit
pondering these fears
still

Time will take you, I know
from the memories in my mind
It saddens and relieves me
all at once and at the same time

No right to be there
when they're gone they'll be briefly missed
the pain they once delivered
like venom held within a kiss

Each time they touched me
a little poison ran through my veins
it changed and rearranged me
I wondered if I'd ever feel the same

Coursing through my bloodstream
like a virus in its perfect form
corroding and scarring my insides
leaving parts of me damaged and torn

My body has struggled to recover
defending a self destructive force
It lives within my mind
and inhabits dark corners of my thoughts

I'll try not to miss you
but it's hard to release it completely
I don't know what will fill that space
if you ever really leave me

You smiled at me 'today'
your eyes showed
that the past was forgotten ...
  
     for now

I know that today
was a good day for you

It's taken an illness
to warp your mind
made you forget ..

    who you are ..

        who you were

You didn't remember 'today'
that we hate each other
It's a strong word I know
but it's true
we both know it

but you don't remember that fact
   ..  'today'

so I sit with you ...

and smile too

Need love to be so close
a comfort to surround me
need love by my side

Tell me you miss me
that it's me that you want
wipe away all the tears I cried

I desperately crave to feel
that there's no one else around us
and it's a world without lies

Wrap your arms around me
I'll stay there for a while
in this place I'll want to hide

Look into my eyes
so deep into my thoughts
there, you can abide

Know me and feel me
keep me so close
any storm we can ride

Always together exploring
searching and discovering
the amazing world so wide

I'll need nothing else
'til the end of my days
my sustenance you can provide

Any worries or fears
I'll share them I promise
in you I will confide

I'll look up to you
stand next to you so willing
my heart so full of pride

If we have to part
please make it brief
and return to me like the tide

I punish myself with words
give them the freedom
  to invade my mind
   tormenting my own soul
     Why do I do this so many times?

I'm inflicting my own pain
and cannot seem to stop
  On desperately dark nights
   the cruelty, so strong
    I don't know what's real
     and what's not

Sleep is no longer an option
I drag my body
  to be with the living
   Still alone
    and so frightened though
     I'm like a child
      that's scared and grieving

Her eyes are full of sorrow
like a darkness in the distant yet serene skies

He, doesn't speak
but it's what he says!
One by one
he reads the living lies

He can see she's 'gripped'
with a sudden sadness
yet it's not
so recent

she coils around a look
that is forgotten
but she refuses to set it free

her heavy eyes haunt,
and taunt him
yet 'his' insist on focusing
  just
    trying
      to
        believe....

A sensuous sound eagerly heard
by my raw soul,
a sound like an angel whispering
and kindly teasing
The scent of the salty breeze
caressing and stirring my senses
My heart ceases
at the sight of the swelling ocean,
like a forgotten friend
Twinkling illuminations twirling
on the swaying
saturated skin
Impatient to be at one
with the rhythmic sways
to mother natures
heavenly work of art
Each time the images are transformed
I believe that this is my first time
and I have been unseeing
to this utopia

The story of my life
what will it be
You would think that at my age
a plan would be clear to see

I thought I had a direction
and was following my fate
so why do I feel in limbo
or feel I am too late?

It's all I need in life
to know what I'm here for
Open doors I willingly passed through
yet now I'm feeling unsure

So often it feels just right
but frequently I drift away
What is it I'm missing?
What is it I want to say?

Should I be asking for a sign
am I ignoring lifes cues?
I suppose I'm asking now
What is it I should do?