Time will take you, I know
from the memories in my mind
It saddens and relieves me
all at once and at the same time

No right to be there
when they're gone they'll be briefly missed
the pain they once delivered
like venom held within a kiss

Each time they touched me
a little poison ran through my veins
it changed and rearranged me
I wondered if I'd ever feel the same

Coursing through my bloodstream
like a virus in its perfect form
corroding and scarring my insides
leaving parts of me damaged and torn

My body has struggled to recover
defending a self destructive force
It lives within my mind
and inhabits dark corners of my thoughts

I'll try not to miss you
but it's hard to release it completely
I don't know what will fill that space
if you ever really leave me

There's a poem deep inside
a story that needs to be told
the ink needs the paper
it's shape you need to mold

Draw the precious words from your heart
pen a pattern on each line
let go and feel the emotion
as if you are without eyes

The characters pour rapidly
and your beating heart will swell
it's brimming with passion and hurt
as you share the tale you need to tell

Displayed now in black and white
your exhausted heart, quiet and calm
the poetic piece is now complete
and held tightly within your palm

..  the ripples tease their way
        towards me ..

           the reflection,
          'mirrors'
       the soft curve of words
     that ******
  and entice me
     creating rippling patterns
        in
          my
             mind

On this train journey I sit
with my precious child
I contemplate,
people, places and time,
passing so fast
too fast

It's disconcerting
how it mirrors life,
this journey,
and I worry
that my life too
passes me by this way
I'm concerned that I spend
too much time
fearing exactly this scenario
Yet here I sit
pondering these fears
still

I forgot all about the past
it may have hidden from me
or did it just tuck away
in a place I couldn't see

Either it took up too much space
or I didn't want to see it
Was it too painful or raw
maybe it just didn't fit

I'm sure I didn't need it
so it's perfectly okay
if it had been worth it
I think it would have stayed

I'll continue without the memory
the memory of me and you
I can't remember if it happened
I'll never even know if it was true

A 'feeling'

                'clouds'

                            ­  over me

I try to find the words
to match it,
   a phrase
     that agrees with the emotion
       and search the metaphor
         to portray the image

It fights for my attention
    this 'feeling'
  and I battle with it
       for a time
It does not waver
      until I submit
I slump, defeated sometimes
       sitting with my pen

Now may not be convenient
      but 'now' is the time,
    
           apparently!!

I offer
  'patience'
and the rhyming story
  is permitted to unfold

        and be told.

As I sit
  the words and phrases
    are no longer jumbled

        they're calm ..

            and settle ..

    like tiny

                white

                     glittering flakes

            within a snow globe

It begins as a warm fire
a tingling glow deep inside
attempting to ignore it
pushing it to the back of my mind

The warmth transforms to a burning
filling every ****** thought in my head
my body yearning and craving
the hot spot deep within my bed

I sadly wait frustrated
as at this moment I am all alone
and long for my man to return
when I know he'll make me his own

I can't stop my hand from writing
these words I try to hide
I keep pushing them away
but they linger, remaining at one side

Forever following me around
reminding me of what once was
I do not ever speak of them
only recognise and ignore that I am lost

The words will keep flowing
until I can fully understand
what happened in the past
and events I hadn't planned

Each time I pen emotions
I lay them out in a form so clear
in the hope that it'll clarify
inner turmoil and shed tears

I can't begin to comprehend
so I just keep writing the words
as they follow me around
trying desperately to be heard

A love so violently gentle
in an impulsive kind of way
I felt so beautifully ugly
a thought, I heard myself say
                   You were always coldly warm
                    as we talked about our pasts
                    Showing your most hateful smile
                    that you often wore as a mask
A dry moisture upon my lips
still remains from our first kiss
when my hair so wildly tame
wrapped around your fingertips
                     Our heartbeats, silently heard
                      as life was passing by
                      A weight, as light as a feather
                      fell upon us from the sky
Now our completely happy nightmare
moves swiftly to an end
I find myself laughing angrily
at this situation I have penned

How many times did I die
how many times did my heart fail to beat
How many times did I just lay
and just stay amidst defeat

How many times did I starve
how many times did I cry
How many times did I just want to sleep
when you left, when we said 'Goodbye'

How many times did I collapse
how many times did I fail to get up
How many times did I force myself to continue
when I knew what in me was not enough

How many times did I think of you
how many times, did you I search
How many times did I try to forget
and my voice could not say the words

How many times did you think of me
how many times did you care
How many times did you even realise
I thought I'd die without you there

I only write from the heart.
The characters in my words
   and the words in my thoughts
    are nestled there.
     This is not
       where I intend to store them
         they accumulate over time
           consistently they gather there,
  
                   words,

                 ready to form phrases
                describing events

               that touch me

             I am stirred
            so deeply at times
           that my insides 'feel' and 'pull'
          It can stop me in my tracks,

         that feeling

      almost like a physical pain

        So my thoughts are written
          from there

            that place

              not my mind

                interlaced and intermingled ..

                  with a soul ..

                    that fills me.

I didn't want to remember
but never tried to forget
and I almost didn't leave
yet I wouldn't go back
I wish I hadn't chosen
but wouldn't change a thing
I'm constantly humming a tune
yet without a song to sing
Feeling so claustrophobic
but afraid to venture outside
I'm sitting here hopefully
yet dwelling on goodbyes
I refuse to release more tears
but my eyes are brimming still
as I linger in warm thoughts
always confused about how I feel

It was created over time
   my 'state of heart'
      and it bleeds
like an unhealing wound
  My 'state of heart'
   beats to an uncertain tune
     reminding me
       of notes that are ....

            familiar

Every day they're heard
  not in the same way though
    as before

        before, is long forgotten

My 'state of heart' tries to pull me
  in directions that are
     unacceptable
        unwise

it is at times 'childlike'

     'wide eyed'

caused maybe by a stolen youth
    I think

I'm sure it weeps sometimes
  my 'state of heart'
like an insignificant, weak object
  and I ignore it of course

Why respond to such shallow sounds?

  Disregarding it all
      I continue ..

To acknowledge it means I'm there
   I am far from it
     I promise

It's just ..
  
    my 'state of heart'

         doesn't

             realise

I just want, to peacefully sleep
enveloped in your arms
I don't even want to see
just want to be out of harm
      Staying here, forever in safety
      inhaling your scent, it's home
      you'll whisper so sweet and quietly
      I won't ever feel alone
Tenderly wrapped around me
I can feel the warmth of your love
whispering 'It's me and you only'
it feels like rays from the sun
      Dreaming, here I lay
      softly caressing only you
      will it be long enough I pray
      to let my love seep through
yet I know I am desperately alone
and you are not really here
but my heart, unable to cope
refused to believe love can disappear

It was so familiar to me
walking across this empty land
lonely but accustomed somehow
was it really what life had planned?

I never questioned how it was
it just 'was' you see
I tried hard and carried on
knowing I was alone, it was always just me

Time passed as it usually does
yet it seemed reluctant in some ways
and if this was how it used to be
Why does it still feel the same these days?

I punish myself with words
give them the freedom
  to invade my mind
   tormenting my own soul
     Why do I do this so many times?

I'm inflicting my own pain
and cannot seem to stop
  On desperately dark nights
   the cruelty, so strong
    I don't know what's real
     and what's not

Sleep is no longer an option
I drag my body
  to be with the living
   Still alone
    and so frightened though
     I'm like a child
      that's scared and grieving

You are two people now
and this is how it will be
not sure which one to expect
so each time, I wait and see

Will you be the monster
that's scared me most of my life
or the frightened little girl
who needs her hand held all the time

Which ever one it is today
and I'm not sure which one is worse
my emotions struggle to cope
as each side of you is a curse

I feel hurt and defensive
when the monster appears
yet when you're frail and frightened
I have to soothe your fears

You smiled at me 'today'
your eyes showed
that the past was forgotten ...
  
     for now

I know that today
was a good day for you

It's taken an illness
to warp your mind
made you forget ..

    who you are ..

        who you were

You didn't remember 'today'
that we hate each other
It's a strong word I know
but it's true
we both know it

but you don't remember that fact
   ..  'today'

so I sit with you ...

and smile too

She lived a life less worthy
a life, less worthy she lived
Forgiving not an option
determined not to forgive
Let the fury inside rise
rise against the fury
Scheme and plot a plan
Plan to scheme against 'him'
the less worthy
Biding now her time
her time, she will be biding
To execute her plan
her plan to execute 'him'
in hiding

I thought you were forgotten
then you looked at me that way
I was helpless, top to bottom

I thought I could deny you
then you just waited
you knew what I would do

I thought I was done
then you kissed my lips
held me, and then some

I thought you would stay
then you cruelly left  ......

I'm still standing here to this day

I think I'm still
searching
My body desperate

yearning ..

for you

I'm sure you're
calling
I reach out but I'm

falling ..

for you

I move towards
the warmth
Longing for the

strength ..

in you

Many times I've tried
to run
My thoughts always

return ..

to you



x

You're always there beside me
yet I keep you one heartbeat away
even after a thousand leaves have fallen
it's just my way of staying safe

Never an intention to hurt me
but heartaches can often follow
You suffer sometimes more than I
when reminded of my hearts sorrow

Whole and complete I want us to be
I yearn for it but you'd never know
as I keep you one warm breath away
the same distance as two flakes of snow

Longing for the liberating day
when it's all for you without exception
maybe soon after a thousand rays of sun
and I am without fear of rejection

I'll keep you closer than my own heart
our melodious beats will be the same
my whispers, on a thousand warm breezes
will always carry your name

x

A knife to the heart
would surely cause you to fall
the pain would last for seconds
followed by deaths shallow call

Love manages to keep you alive
for days,  months,  years
the pain doesn't ever fade
the scars like unwanted souvenirs

A gunshot to the stomach
and you would surely bleed to death
it wouldn't take that long
for you to take your last breath

Love manages to store the pain
deep within your gut
there's no escape from it
it won't release you when you've had enough

A sip of poison
although painfully slow
your body can't fight it
so see the light and let go

Loves deadly kiss upon tender lips
a toxic running through me
held permanently within a lovers grip
now I beg for death to set me free

If it's excitement and adventure
that you need to fill your day
Head to where the books are
their part they're willing to play

Choose a book that suits your style
place it in your hands
Prepare yourself for the moment
where your mind will grow and expand

You can solve a ****** mystery
or laugh at others being a fool
When you're reading all these tales
you'll even forget you're at school

Why not go on a mission impossible
or fight in a world war?
You'll always come out alive
well, I think I know that for sure

Perhaps fall in love with a stranger
and together travel the world
Fly off to New York
and go shopping with the girls

Whatever it is you choose
it's all in the palm of your hand
Adventure at your fingertips
It's only the time you need to plan

(Triolet)

Why do we miss
what breaks our heart
which is worse, lonely or just alone
why do we miss
the fiery passion of a kiss
that holds us 'til we're no longer apart
why do we miss
what breaks our heart

I'm sure I saw your fingerprints
a subtle mark upon my skin
forgetting your touch now
I wonder how long it's been

A voice once called me
from within a busy crowd
I turn knowing you're not there
the sound disappeared into
the clouds

I sometimes inhale the scent of you
but you're nowhere to be seen
although when I clearly see you
I forget it's only my dreams

a soft sensation on my neck
your warm lips and scented breath
those full lips once told me you loved me
and how much I meant

the curls behind my ear gently move
I know it's your whisper, from the past
the words that flowed from your mouth
telling me that this kiss would be our last

each word you delicately write
is taken from a page of my heart
I feel that you must know me
the pain I've felt from the start

it torments and pulls
yet you'll never know
you pen your lines so innocently
my emotions combined with your flow

your words of love bring tears
an unbearable ache inside
were you there with me
on those many nights that I cried

you wrapped me up in your stanzas
kissed my head with gentle thoughts
so I could lose myself in literature
with alternate breaths, we held a pause

my heartbeats matched your meter
only this form kept me alive
while I sleep, consumed in darkness
my story you continue to write

and again I am woken
thoughts and worries
race through my bloodstream
it seems,
until I am fully aware

I've learned not to fight it
so I read or write
trying to distract myself
from haunting thoughts

sometimes I enjoy
the stillness
that accompanies
4 o'clock in the morning

I feel lonely and isolated
but also enjoy sharing the
'hush'
with nothing and no one
just me,
sitting hand in hand
with 4 o'clock
in the morning

I need to say Goodbye
but to whom I'm not sure
Soothing a pain in my heart
wondering if there is a cure
Feel I've lost a love
although I don't know where
Sitting peaceful and still
searching for a memory somewhere
Wandering away from reality
into the extend of my mind
Is it respite or retreat?
Pulled firmly by my heart I find
Not sure how long I'm absent
or if all of me returned
Yearning for lost memories
that contained all I had learned

A blank canvas to start
a direction at first unknown
blinkered but progressing slowly
or following signs and clear paths shown

Flow with the grey days
don't submit to the black
keep following blue skies
not spending too long looking back

In a purple haze of confusion
on one of those misty days
a greenness of new beginnings
is never far away

A spectrum of colours
can depict our eventful lives
each blended with incredible hues
that encourage us to thrive

Can we choose our direction?
Is there a predestined chart?
I wish for the colour in my world
to mirror the beauty of art

I saw you in the darkness
a silhouette
caused by the light of the moon

I saw you in my imagination
just staring at me
I, just stared at you

I saw you before closed eyes
a clear vision
beautiful, but gone too soon

I saw you in a dream
and wondered,
Did you see me too?

I think I'd like some time
to reflect and recover
it'll be thought insignificant
by you and possibly others

It feels like a weight
that I'm certain to carry
a burden that's stagnant
causing me to worry

I'm sure you will continue
proceeding with your day
perhaps I'll resolve it
but alone again in many ways

There's sufficient time
for my mind to solve it
I cannot make my move
or resolve things yet

So for a measurable time
I'll ponder on the issue
but I wonder in the end
Will I still miss you?

Pretty Poeta and her pen
movement swift and graceful
hiding away in her den
for the peace she is grateful

Lost in her wonderful world
of fantasy and dreams
she can imagine she's an innocent girl
in a world where nothing is as it seems

Creating rhymes with words
expressing thought after thought
penning her experience of the world
and the dreams she has sought

Immersed in the amazing feeling
of powerful pen in hand
all emotions sent reeling
she allows the pen to write their plans

She's offered a freedom with words
that's not permitted in each day
all thoughts displayed and heard
no judgements stand in her way

Although she will come back to earth
reappearing from time to time
she writes for all she's worth
when she's lost in her romantic rhymes

I turn to you my friend
when I feel alone and down
'every time' and 'now and then'
you listen without making a sound

You're reliable, my closest comfort
you'll forever stand by me
not judging my trivial thoughts
you're just 'there', you let me breathe

I run to you in those many moments
when I can't take it anymore
you're the only thing that makes sense
we know we've been here before

I'll return to you again and again
I trust you with my heart
my sole and solitary haven
we'll never be far apart

You rid me of my demons
and shed my many fears
helping me to confront them
and the soak up all my tears

I know I'll never leave you
you're my most supportive friend
you know my intent is true
and accept always, the love I send

So, dear poetry, I give my all to you
you helped to set me free
opened my eyes to the world of words
let me be, let me breathe and just be me

The sea is rolling in
wishing to gently greet me
wanting to speak softly
in a voice so inviting

Like angels wonderful whispers
to my eager ears
kissing sounds so soothing
to kindly quell my fears

Milky liquid movement
silky to the touch
it's where I should always be
here, the only sound is 'hush'

The sun's shining and twinkling
reflectively on the ocean
like an angels azure eyes
filled with wondrous notions

This is where I'm at home
welcoming me each time
a spiritual and heavenly sea
peaceful waves rolling rhyme
after rhyme

(Triolet)


I met your words the other day
those words spoke, only to me
they took my fears away
I met your words the other day
holding the meaning to all I wished to say
comforting me in a way I'd never been
I met your words the other day
those words spoke only, to me

I'm immersed in silky water
drifting out to sea
It reminds me of that lost feeling
I'll continue to fight with indefinitely

No control over my direction
it's all out of my hands
drifting onwards and returning again
the tides not appreciating my plans

I can still see the shore
but it's already forgotten about me
it doesn't notice or care
that I'm floating away so aimlessly

I don't even feel I can fight it
just let it hold me in its grip
I'll let the ocean make my decisions
and I'll gaze in wonder at the cliffs

I doubt this will end well
about the conclusion I don't want to think
can't help but roll with the tides now
until I'm saved, or left to sink

I have the same questions
to my insignificant life
I allow myself to ask them
knowing they'll cut like a knife

Will they ever be answered?
I have so much doubt
most are the same questions
circling on a roundabout

These many cunning questions
are usually about those things
that often confuse me
and keep me questioning

Frequently they're ponderings
about things that 'just are'
many travel dangerously deep
the distance, too far

Apparently I'm not grounded enough
my Chakra tells me so
I drift off into fantasy
a world I'm not supposed to go

I need this precious place
to ponder many things
I like to fantasise
it's like having wonderful wings

To think about those questions
and the interferences in my life
wondering 'outside my bubble'
a space, like the dead of night

I can question my many thoughts
and my own troubled debates
or about my already written future
Do I trust too much in fate?

Who knows about these questions
they're as close as an annoying friend
I'll continue to spend my time questioning
until my days come to a questionable end

Each day I let you go
leave the 'idea' of you behind
already in the past
like the love letter I signed

It's drifting helplessly around
upon the warmth of the air
not realising its importance
within it, my soul lays bare

You feel lost to me now
just a vision in my mind
Never to touch or caress again
the lost love I was denied

Another day destined for the past
but how I wish it wasn't so
One last look at a fading memory
and this new day to let you go

She's building her strength
  within her   mind
  within her   heart

Unsure to begin with
  but    determined
to find a place to start

At first, not aware she needed to
however, cracks began to show

Realising for her own
  'protection'
as she feared  another
  heartless blow

Wanting only to show
  kindness
simply needing to offer
  love
Clarity of thought emerged
she now knew it could be done

To heal this and herself
  'gently'
with a
  
strength,

and   truth,
    in her words

She can stand alone
  and strong,

       small,
         yet
powerful enough
  to be heard

Do you sometimes feel
that your beauty is fading?
Soft creases around your eyes?

Are you trying to hold on
to what the years are taking
feeling the last of youth as it dies?

There is, however, a certain time
when a woman 'comes into her own'
and has a wisdom within her life

An intuitive inner confidence
unveiling outer calm
a knowing in her sighs

She has an understanding of her image
her soft curves and their affects
fragments of her self consciousness rapidly dies

A sureness to her sensual style
air of authority to her stride
an enlightenment no one can deny

Embrace the creases that tell your story
your beauty will continue to mystify
a choice today that you can decide

The years of youth are never lost
they're carried forever within
our body, is youth, just a little more disguised

I fell in love with him
I fell in love with you
fell in love with words
Why am I such a fool?

I fell in love with his arms
I fell in love with the strength
fell in love with the feeling
but never sure what it meant

I fell in love with reactions
I fell in love with his passion for words
fell in love with a presence
and a gentle sigh I heard

I fell in love with thoughts
I fell in love with given time
fell in love with the ponderings
that wander through my mind

I fell in love with romance
I fell in love with a heart in a whirl
fell in love with imagined caresses
Could you fall in love with this girl?