It isn't there right next to me
trying to make me 'feel'
peering over my shoulder
determined to be real
'Turn the other way Louise!
You don't need to look
the thing that you can't see,
it isn't even real in my book!'
So why, without its limbs
can it touch a susceptible nerve
playfully pluck at my heart strings
suggesting a love I don't deserve
Pretending I am unfeeling
it will surely disappear
I'll protect my heart that it's stealing
it'll leave and I'll stay right here
I know I'll feel alone again
but for my heart I have to care
patiently I am seated with my pen
and avoid the something that isn't there

You are still beside me
yet you are gone!
I walk, feeling for your hand
but there is just thin air
I think of you,
when my mind is already full
Wanting to kiss you,
those lips are no longer there
I sleep with you
but only in my mind
Craving to be with you
even when I want to be alone
Many dreams of you
that I lose and then find
My heart breaking
it weeps and moans
But I know this ....
when I am gone
and I am lost
you will want me
to find you    

x

The man behind the pen
my, oh my!
He's what you want him to be
his words will take you to the sky

He is strong and alluring
tall, dark, good looking too
leaving you breathless and yearning
wanting so much more, and soon

Strong hands and a solemn face
he too, a little lost inside
guiding the pen with such grace
he's an honest man with pride

Solid arms, darkened by hair
they'd feel so good surrounding me
beautiful eyes holding a look so rare
I'd choose to stay, never to flee

He'd tenderly kiss me and stroke my cheek
promise to protect me forever
I'd gaze into his eyes feeling weak
knowing we'll always be together

I sit and stare at nothing
      yet see so much more ..
          beyond

   Hands are clasped and closed
       yet I feel ..
          everything

   Listening closely to my heartbeat
        I hear your voice ..
           still

   My mouth, desperately dry,
        the sweet moisture from your lips ..
            I will taste ..
                forever

I sit
and 'time' sits with me

    It's always by my side
      it's not a comfort however

           together we stare
             at each other

                 'Time'  waiting for me
                     and I ........

                         I'm just waiting,
                            for the right
                               'time'

It's dawn and I'm poetically positioned
in my bed,
trying to shake the darkest of nights
from my head

Conversations in dreams
run through my mind
all night,
exhausting me of reasons,
and of fight

Rational thoughts keep me going
yet drive me insane
knowing yours will be the only
imprint in me that remains

Etched into my mind
and saddened soul
Pining you has finally
taken its toll

The redness of my heart is fading
day by day
not one thing will revive it
no matter what I say

This sorrowful scenario
I'll continue to repeat
until the day
my hindered heart
ceases to beat

The curvature of the cloud
the coolness of the blue
allowing myself to drift off in them
my only thought is you

You followed my story
were there for each word told
comforted under darkened skies
and events that did unfold

The clouds they pass by
leaving me behind
unveiling the sun
offering a warmth that I've pined

It's like the story of us
a love that drifted away
suspended like the clouds
and gone with the light of day

You were my silver lining
but it doesn't matter now
I'm living my life without you
thoughts of us still hidden in the clouds

They say 'time heals all' and it has faded the memory of you, although not convinced it would, and unsure if this was even true

I sit here and briefly ponder, since you have become just a face, the image of someone I once knew from a hazy kind of place

It's like a memory of a film that I felt such a part of, knowing each and every word, immersed in feelings of love

So old, it has now become and the image quite distorted, your face, completely out of focus, all clarity exhausted

The film has run its course, the audience left long ago, this was the very last viewing, of this worn out meaningless show

Collab with Mike Hauser



I find myself more often than not
hanging by the sea
letting the tide pull out
the waves of doubt
that have so long
washed over me

Inhaling a scent so fresh
absorbing a tune so close to my heart
I linger, never feeling alone,
and wonder
Could I stay here
in this perfect work of art?

With the pastels that line
the sandy beach
the bright fluorescent
greens and blues
The pinks and reds
of the skies canvas
all mixed, in colourful hues

The swaying canvas of perfection
causes my doubts
to gently drift away
I watch them heading for the horizon
feeling soothed
by the rhythmic waves

I'm
falling in
your sweet soul
like a floating feather.

Without you my heart slowly suffers.

Until I feel whole again
I will always remain.

Your sweet soul
I'll reside
always.

Off to 'The Orchard' for afternoon tea
Beautiful and quaint, filled with history

Rupert Brooke, the poet, started the trend
Taking tea in the garden 'til the days end

Virginia Woolf, a writer, with a troubled mind
Enjoyed the bonds of friendship with a group so kind

It goes as far back as the year 1897
Cambridge students found a pocket of heaven

Blossoming fruit trees arranged in rows
Scattered seating, cushions and colourful throws

Crumbling moist Scones with jam and cream
Carrot Cake and Cordial an Elderberry dream

Horses in the distance and cows by your side
Cool Emerald grass where the insects hide

A wander by the river hand in hand
The most peaceful day that ever was planned






I visited The Orchard yesterday, a most gorgeous place.  I hope this poem gives you a picture of this idyllic little corner of England x

A sensuous sound eagerly heard
by my raw soul,
a sound like an angel whispering
and kindly teasing
The scent of the salty breeze
caressing and stirring my senses
My heart ceases
at the sight of the swelling ocean,
like a forgotten friend
Twinkling illuminations twirling
on the swaying
saturated skin
Impatient to be at one
with the rhythmic sways
to mother natures
heavenly work of art
Each time the images are transformed
I believe that this is my first time
and I have been unseeing
to this utopia

Please don't tell me you love me
These words are said too easily
Just smile in that way I love so dearly
Lock your eyes onto mine, a connection I can see
A fleeting caress, a sensation I can feel
Hold your body so close I can hear you breathe
Listen to my mundane stories with empathy
Hear my deepest fears with sympathy
Talk to me and I wil listen to your dreams
Walk with me, let us both feel free

So please don't tell me you love me
Show me in ways I'll feel most deeply

I'm unable to ask for help
What if I'm turned away?
Can't take rejection
So in this situation I'll stay
My fear of being ignored
Outweighs this pain
What choice do I have?
Feels like I'm going insane!
Why am I so stubborn?
Is this the price I'll pay?
Think everything is Black and White
Need to dissect the Grey
"God help me perfect this on my own!"
It will be my Salvation, at the end of the day

White  as a blank canvas, a pure angelic sight

Yellow  wishes wishing I'd stopped to say 'Hello'

Purple  pleasing and caring words so thoughtful

Blue  feelings being alone without you

Green  eyes hiding tears you've never seen

Red  harsh words left isolated and unsaid

Pink  thoughts so sweet that the paper exhibits the ink

Grey  for all the words I couldn't say

Black  cloud in my mind containing qualities I lack

Cream vision, hoping you'll be in tonights dream

These are my colourful emotions
Tucked away deep inside
Yet the vivid and unpredictable rainbow is frequently arduous to hide

It's with my eyes and mouth that I smile
I like to make others feel at ease
You'll only know me for a while
To know I like to cheekily tease
My sense of humour is very naughty
Sometimes get in trouble it's a fact!
Although I'm just over forty!!
I refuse to grow up and that's that!
I can be sensible and mature too
But life can get so serious at times
I take a step back to think things through
Sometimes put pen to paper, words on lines
But if I can keep smiling and laughing
At myself and life and friends
Remind myself that life's a journey
Accept the uphill struggle, twists and bends
I will get through it and still be smiling
At the end
: )

I love a cuppa, I'm British you see
Especially in the morning, two maybe three
It starts my day and wakens the mind
I'm British you see, we're a funny kind
It solves all problems, that's what I like
Or drink it alone in bed at night
'Put the kettle on'. That's what we say
For friends with problems who need to stay
It's a therapeutic process, gives space for a thought
A warming gesture to offer support
It's a bonding ritual as old as time
I'm British you see, we're a funny kind