So, my father, what can I say!
It's not that he left or went away
There in body but not in mind
No comfort from him I could find
Disapproving glances, few words to say
No love in his eyes while watching me play
Protective hands did not wipe my tears
Without a soothing voice to destroy my fears
No strong arms around me to hold me tight
I felt such a burden, so kept out of sight
Little did I know it was him who felt ashamed
A father he wasn't meant to be, a father he never became

Each word
'curls'
around my heart
like smoke shaped, teasing
wispy fingers

I don't see it ..
               or feel it ..

                     but then my heart begins to tell me.

It moans
                and creaks

                             demanding that I listen.

I can't ignore it now
                            as it hurts.

I lay my hand upon my wounded chest
                               telling my heart,
                                            reminding it

   that we cannot feel this way
                                        
                    ­                          not today ..

                                                      not tomorrow.


                 My heart calms ..

                                     for now

        

                           but I know that it won't be for long.

My mind is full of thoughts of you
   Green eyes, readily searching
       Lips still laced with your taste
          Neck exposed awaiting your kiss

              My whole body alert, ready for your touch


Fingertips stretching, exploring
   Hands desperately grasping a memory
     Arms hopelessly clutching a vision of you
       Legs striding eagerly in your direction

             Bare feet retracing the steps ....

                  of our forgotten love.

A mother so far
from a mother to me
So much pain caused
by this woman I see

Discouraged from my door
Forbidden in my life
Chunks ripped from my heart
caused by her dullest of knives

Dementia has swallowed her
my anger softened somewhat
How can I hang onto such fury
when she's now a woman,  lost

Our relationship has changed
Now I spend time with her
How can Dementia be a blessing
Isnt it supposed to be a curse?

I have a very romantic idea
of a beautiful gypsy girl
She is not tied down
and free to roam the world

Beautiful dark, curly hair
falling upon her delicate face
Green eyes with iridescent flecks
She's a Nomad, not tied to one place

Beautiful bangles slid upon slender wrists
pretty blouse, skirt, floral and layered
she walks with a certain confidence and grace
of this life she'll never tire

She suits her Bohemian style
the freedom of flowing clothes
A true and natural beauty
everything seamlessly flows

Ancestors date back to the 9th century
it's an unconventional life
A loyal and faithful community
within this security she thrives

A wonderful wagon is her home
drawn by sturdy horses
She's a friendly fortune teller
sensing other worlds and forces

My very romantic idea
of a beautiful gypsy girl
She is not tied down
but free to roam the world

Just take me now
I really don't care
this body,  again,
with you,  I will not share

During each and every kiss
you inhaled my soul
then stole even more
when I'd have given it all

So just take me now
this one last time
and kiss me so hard
before I change my mind

If I closed my eyes,
drifted into a soft sleep,
would you protect me?

If I faded away into nothingness,
or foolishly left you behind
would you rapidly follow?

If it was just you and me,
just the two of us
would you be lonely?

If I carefully caressed you,
desperately needed you,
would you just take me?

If you had to leave,
disappear and never return
I beg of you to visit my dreams.

I can't stop my hand from writing
these words I try to hide
I keep pushing them away
but they linger, remaining at one side

Forever following me around
reminding me of what once was
I do not ever speak of them
only recognise and ignore that I am lost

The words will keep flowing
until I can fully understand
what happened in the past
and events I hadn't planned

Each time I pen emotions
I lay them out in a form so clear
in the hope that it'll clarify
inner turmoil and shed tears

I can't begin to comprehend
so I just keep writing the words
as they follow me around
trying desperately to be heard

Rippling water

it eases its way
  across the lake

Such a gentle gesture

I wish for the
  waves of harshness

that crash against me
  sometimes

to wash away ..

to transform
  from waves of destruction

      to

         soft

             soothing

                 ripples

I wanted to stop time
our heated bodies entwined
                      Caressing sensuous skin
                       with wet lips that taste of sin
Just surrender to the kiss
such tantalising bliss
                       A tempting and teasing tongue
                        oh yes, I am now undone
Falling in way too deep
you have my soul to keep
                      All senses lit and on fire
                        you, are all that I desire
Tongue tracing the curves of me
I'm surrounded in a haze ..
                                               of ****** ..
                                                               ecstasy

I'm trying on my bikini
so I keep the lights low
don't want to see everything
these bits aren't usually on show

They're whiter than the others
never see the light of day
I try to cover as much as possible
apparently a wet suit is not okay!

I'm actually dreading the thought
(and it's starting to make me sweat)
of bearing all my bits
it's like an intimidating threat!

I feel I'm seriously panicking
about all the crap I ate
wishing I had more willpower
but of course, now it's too late!

I tried to buy the 'fit'
to suit my pear shaped frame
which means the knickers are massive
and now I just feel shame   :/

The lower half of my body
I try to cover up
but my unimpressive top half
needs extra padding in the cup!

None of this makes sense
and it's such a stressful time
I'm taking the bikini back
and I'm just gonna ****** hide.

He often lays around all day
I glance at him, he's got nothing to say
and does not return the caress I gave

I know he loves me but can't say the words
When he's asleep, I dare not disturb
whispering to him, I think I'm heard

He never takes 'me' out
And quite often makes me shout
What's this love all about?






Dogs!!   Who'd 'ave 'em?

; )

Collaboration with Jack

Where oceans dance on sleepy shores,
glistening beneath crescent moon breaths,
counting star drop secrets on charcoal skies
I stare at a horizon, a single shadowed line.... waiting

Into the depth of the distance, my thoughts drift
I know they will find their way somehow
I'll remain here, the closest point to you
my time, my freedom, I no longer wish to be my own

Cast upon these harmonic waves, my desires,
whispered into a sea breeze of flowing dreams,
Become one with a metronomic tide of needed current
seeking a path to your perfect heart and I breathe...slowly

Thoughts and desires now run free, seeking their destiny
the direction, always known to them, yet hindered
a moving course across the ocean, the destination, always you
wistfulness and impatient dreams will become a reality

And of this reality, these distant shores, we shall be together...
not of sun drenched morning awakenings,
nor a midnight sky of watchful eyes,
but of one love on a tireless journey, far beyond every horizon ....eternally

I wonder if I just began to walk
would my destination be you
I'd begin my journey and follow my heart
It seems to sing a song that's so true

I think it would direct me towards the sun
and I would readily walk the path
There'd be no need to rush
as we've both known from the start

One day I'd just start walking
feeling pulled in your direction
Moving steadily towards you
to be the object of your affection

So prepare yourself my love
our time has now come
I'm ready and on my way
my journey, has already begun

You knew her so well
yet didn't know
Picked her up when she fell
but the pain hadn't showed

Was it all lost?
Disappeared in the night?
Her mind isolated in frost
She'd lost her fight

Losing her way with no idea
which way to turn or go
Moving further away with fear
her mind without a sane flow

It stopped you in your tracks
made you sit up and stir
Clouds had turned so black
Were you losing her?

Set her free if you must
she needs time, this she'd prefer
Support her during rest
many weeks passed in a blur

Unravelling like a flower
she came back into view
Something different about her
a spirit, refreshed and renewed

Would she spread her wings
fly so very far away
Perhaps but see what this brings
and just pray that she'll stay

I love 'Chick Lit'
yes, it's true
My guilty pleasure
I'll share with you
I can't help it
I love it so
it's easy to read
and has a steady flow
My brain works hard
all day long
pick up 'chick lit'
you can't go wrong
I love the romance
and all it seems
'His' muscles flexing
'She' always beams!
All the kissing
oh, so intense
and the throbbing members
apparently they're immense!

; )

She no longer writes about 'him'
she is without words
without structure
without rhyme

she no longer feels him
she is without sense
without emotion
without affection

she no longer wants him
she is without need
without lust
without love

She ..

      no longer ..

                 is

Need love to be so close
a comfort to surround me
need love by my side

Tell me you miss me
that it's me that you want
wipe away all the tears I cried

I desperately crave to feel
that there's no one else around us
and it's a world without lies

Wrap your arms around me
I'll stay there for a while
in this place I'll want to hide

Look into my eyes
so deep into my thoughts
there, you can abide

Know me and feel me
keep me so close
any storm we can ride

Always together exploring
searching and discovering
the amazing world so wide

I'll need nothing else
'til the end of my days
my sustenance you can provide

Any worries or fears
I'll share them I promise
in you I will confide

I'll look up to you
stand next to you so willing
my heart so full of pride

If we have to part
please make it brief
and return to me like the tide

Standing alone on this wild shore
experiencing sensual sand between my toes
the coolness, comforting, caressing
A warmth securely surrounds me
My eyes, not seeing
My body absorbing all

I was aware of you before me, so close
devoid of sound like an old movie
except I could hear us breathing
The wind felt firm and warm,
it was creating movement around us

Seeing you and your smile lifted everything in me
yet I wanted to let forgotten tears fall
My heart was beating with exhilaration
so close to one another
but without an embrace or caress

Iridescent sparkles coloured your eyes
they bore deep, paralysing me
I couldn't have left you if I'd wanted to
Why couldn't we stay this way?
Forever on this wild shore

Some times I wonder how I would cope
stranded on an Island sporting a thong made of rope
Not sure what I'd do about my hairy pits
And I've got curly hair so I'm sure I'd get nits
I suppose I could exfoliate with a coconut shell
but the unwanted hair would be absolute hell!

I could go without make up and pretty clothes
and I'd have time to practise my Yoga pose
I would work on my tan, relax and chill
even catch breakfast with my new fishing skills

This actually sounds like a dream to me
so much alone time, just me and the sea
I'd look fab with a tan and a body so ripped
cellulite gone and slender hips
Wearing a grass skirt, feeling it sway
feeling so alive eating my five-a-day!

I'm in my PJ's
my head still feels fuzzy.
This beautiful morning
fortunately is gently caressing,
creating clarity, slowly.
I just enjoy it while
sipping Tea with honey

It's only 9am,  yet so calm
considering it's the beginning of the new day
but it's like a Sunday should be.
The birds are making me feel quite guilty though
They're so busy!
As I sit on the patio
sipping Tea with honey

Not yet ready for the sun
I hide away in the shade
inhaling the beauty of the garden,
so thankful for the trees.
They know me and understand
I like to be hidden sometimes
while sipping Tea with honey

I sit
and 'time' waits with me

   It's always by my side
     it's not a comfort however

       together we stare
         at each other
      'Time' waiting for me
      and I .......

I'm just waiting for the right 'time'

Her eyes are full of sorrow
like a darkness in the distant yet serene skies

He, doesn't speak
but it's what he says!
One by one
he reads the living lies

He can see she's 'gripped'
with a sudden sadness
yet it's not
so recent

she coils around a look
that is forgotten
but she refuses to set it free

her heavy eyes haunt,
and taunt him
yet 'his' insist on focusing
  just
    trying
      to
        believe....

I beg you to let the light shine on me
it opens up my world
opens up my eyes to see

Hold the brightness from above
promise me you'll stay
I can now see all that I am afraid of

Things don't look so daunting now
it should always be this way
Why don't you stay and show me how?

It's as though I've been locked in a room
it was so lonely and dark
like the furthest place from home

Maybe now I can see a new beginning
a freshness has just arrived
the birds and my heart are singing

Stay in the daylight, foul fears
just leave me be
my smiling eyes should be left without tears

I always watch the way you laugh
the lovely creases around your eyes
sometimes you act tough
although you're not, despite your size

It's the most immature things
that you find so very amusing
making my heart sing
I just can't stop watching

It suddenly reminds me
that there's an innocence to you
laughing so heartily
any funny joke will do

Your laughter is so alluring
I deeply love that side of you
my little heart starts purring
I'll want to be in your arms soon

I don't know what it is
but I just need to stop and gaze
it's a moment of beautiful bliss
our surroundings are in a haze

Your handsome face lights up
a gorgeous smile displayed
I hope the laughter never dies
and will continue to fill our days

If I just keep on writing
will it 'let it all out'
releasing all the feelings
describing each and every doubt

If I just continue daily
will I find my 'inner peace'
and clear my haunted mind
to keep at bay, that ugly beast

If I promise each jaded day
to create some space in my head
to get rid of things unwanted
and put an end to words unsaid

If I repeat this pattern each time
would it really make a difference
or will I always find something hidden
just over the horizon, in the murky distance

It's supposed to be about the journey
but I don't know where I am!
Is it the beginning or the middle
I'm sure I'll never understand

It would be much clearer I'm sure
if I knew exactly 'why' I was travelling
Was I given a destination
as this is just too challenging

Are there supposed to be clearer signs
or a guide when I'm losing my way
I've been heading this way forever
and now I'm sure I need to be saved

I was not provided with a map
a plan was never discussed
so now I'm walking aimlessly
desperately trying to keep my head up

You can clearly see I'm frustrated
and annoyed at this 'merry dance'
Someone pass me an A to Z of life
and at least give me a fighting chance

She can still recall
    
       the footprints

that were made ..

oh, so long ago

    Left behind
a thousand footprints ago

Footprints on a path
walked in another time

     Invisible to others

She knows they still remain
      'out there'

   she remembers.

They are eternal ..
       invisible footprints ..
                on a path ..

                        she ..
                   will never ..
                      walk ..
                     again.

Restyle my hair, spring breeze
Refresh my pale skin
Remind me of you again
  and pull me back in

Remember all the times before
Return me to those days
Relive each and every moment
  and all of your ways

Rekindle a youth forgotten
Redesign nature again
Receive a loves lost memory
  the feelings still remain

Realise you're in the moment
Rebalance a wavering mind
Resemble the wisest person
  the best of all mankind

Retrieve the good times
Relinquish others we no longer need
Rebuild our strength together
  and plant a new seed

I fell
and continue to fall
into fantasies
of me and you

I fell,
not just part
but all
and it's all I seem
to do

Steamy
***** moments,
bodies wrapped
in desire,
passionately intense,
burning feelings
creating fire

I'm kissing reality
goodbye,
I'll stay
in my imagination,
as each time
you pass me by
I'm resisting
a torturous
temptation

; )

I fell in love with your poetry
at the very first line
feeling gentle words kiss my lips
rich emotions charged my mind

a title that caught my eye
and it really said it all
when I wasn't even looking
my heart began to foolishly fall

so deeply besotted now
with arranged words that you display
a heartbeat bashfully racing
and I'm left with nothing to say

you'll not even notice me
as you're wrapped up in beautiful forms
but I keep your poems close to me
and can only imagine you in my arms

unwanted thoughts
are gracefully swept away

with each withdrawing wave,
new and fresh ones
bring a clear, salty
crispness to my mind

how this wonderful sight
makes me feel like
                          'me'
                             ­         again

the sounds of the ocean
prevent my own harsh words
being used against myself

the fragrance surrounds me

                            I inhale ..

it brings a scented sanity
that I hold onto with both hands

too quickly I have to depart
but these things stay with me
yet I am clinging desperately still

          soon I will return ..

                       I must return ..

the sounds will fill my head
the sights will remind me
of who I am
and again the scent will soothe me

once more
    I will take another piece home

            absorb it,

                 hold it,

                      so very close to my heart

They say we should be prepared in life
for those difficulties thrown our way
It's important to be ready for them
'change' is the only thing that stays the same

So what are the rules and guidelines?
This I really need to learn
There should be a detailed manual
to guide us through twists and turns

How do we really prepare?
Can't we just follow certain steps?
We do it all the time
but I haven't seen the manual yet!

I know this may sound so strange
but I like to get things right
I want to always be prepared
for those things, not yet in sight

So if anyone has a written plan
or steps numbered 'one' 'two' and 'three'
I'd really appreciate a copy
I'd be sure to carry it around with me

I need to find a memory
that I can cling on to
There must be at least one
a good one of me and you

Maybe one from childhood
or my quiet teenage years
Just one where there are smiles
instead of anger or tears

I'd like a 'good' memory
onto which I can hold tight
I'll think of it only sometimes
and now it just seems right

I think it would really help
to have one among the bad
It's just that right now I'm struggling
mixed emotions about the mother I should have had

So I need to find a memory
that I can cling on to
There must be at least one
a good one of me and you

I heard my name
upon whispers
within sighs
and wondered
if you'd remembered
the sadness of our
goodbyes

I felt a gentle touch
upon a breeze
within the night
and wondered
if you'd treasured
the love
in my eyes

I tasted a moment
upon your lips
within a kiss
and wondered
if you found pleasure
in us
as much as I

I inhaled a scent
upon a memory
within my mind
and wondered
if you'd surrender
to me
one more time

The story of my life
what will it be
You would think that at my age
a plan would be clear to see

I thought I had a direction
and was following my fate
so why do I feel in limbo
or feel I am too late?

It's all I need in life
to know what I'm here for
Open doors I willingly passed through
yet now I'm feeling unsure

So often it feels just right
but frequently I drift away
What is it I'm missing?
What is it I want to say?

Should I be asking for a sign
am I ignoring lifes cues?
I suppose I'm asking now
What is it I should do?

The snappy air has 'pinked my cheeks'
ruffled my dark curls
swept cobwebs away and so much more
from my mind

Going through the motions, I walk
My dogs, eager for adventure,
I, am keen to ponder
so I allow them to discover
all they can find

Meanwhile I roam a little
inside my head
while taking in how winter
is trying to take hold
and is redesigning nature

Bare and stark, gloomy at times
but I embrace the change
expectant and excited like a child still
at the thought of snow

Awaiting a blanket of white innocence
a welcome change from disorder
Layers of glittering calm
that will cause a ripple effect
in my mind

I am right here, unmoving
Inside, although you can't tell
   I am running
    My heart is so naïve sometimes
     it seems to hold no fear

My head is in reality
I am motionless almost
  like a single teardrop
   clinging, never sure when it is going to fall
    inevitably gravity and life determine this

It is only my heart
and not my mind
  that I allow to run free
   needing the independence
     from this troublesome world

Living as it wants
in small pockets of time
  experiencing all
   'innocent and fresh'

Pockets of time are short
and my heart returns
  no wiser really ..

    but quenched ..

       for now .

The coldness, in it creeps
nightmares, disturb my sleep
all is magnified without you

The heaviness, holding me
it's grip so menacing
lost is the sunlight I once knew

The darkness, settling in
fighting before it begins
not sure if I am strong enough

The silence, so loud inside
fearing, there's nowhere to hide
Is this what it's like without love?