Im blinking away the tears as i excpect the hurt to fade with them. Im sitting on the floor legs crossed trying to understand how i can be mad at someone for being what i want them to be. I want to understand how my heart aches and longs for a soul that turns away as i shout out their name and beg. Beg for love beg for help beg for them. I want to know why its fair to get my heart broken to pieces over and over again by someone i keep handing myself to. Cause i would get my heart broken a thousand times as long it means you would never leave and i would never have to lose you
Even if having you means losing myself

And all these times I've been mourning over a switch that had never been turned on

And the flowers on my skin showed the world how beautiful i was when they bloomed after being watered by my cries

And it was then when i looked into your eyes and realized i had sunken in your embrace even after you had let go

"A strong girl doesn't cry,
A strong girl doesn't cry"
She whispered to herself as tears stained her cheek, trying to stop it from the pain it caused, trying to convince herself that she shouldn't have cried, but it didnt stop. With every tear that streamed down her icy skin she felt as if a curse had been carved on her heart. She felt as if the more tears she shed the less strong she was and the less strong she was the less her worth was and she already had low self esteem so when she thought of herself as worthless she sunk to the ground. And when she was low in the ground drowning in her own tears, losing herself to her own self and barely breathing, she felt heartless, emotionless, numb...
Yet she still continued to whisper to herself:
"A Strong girl doesnt cry ,
A strong girl doesn't cry "
But if she only knew how strong she was to endure the torture that suffocated her and the pain she felt with every tear that leaked out of her broken soul.
● a letter from the numb girl ●

My heart was carved with curses of hurt and its flowers were withering dead
My soul was hurting as it was being tortured and crushed in the hands of my own self
My brain was drowning in the pool of sorrows that i had placed myself in
I was crying as every single tear would stream down my cheek and would burn my skin
The demons were inside and they were urging
They were trying to get out, trying to escape
I was trying so hard to conceal and keep them inside for i had put them there
I was trying so hard to not let them consume me
But i couldnt destroy what i had created i couldnt get rid of the black hole inside
the demons crushed me and conquered
They started to **** and **** and **** and **** and ****
I just couldn't help it i just wanted it to stop
I thought the mess in my heart would stay inside where it had always been
But the demons were fast enough for me to self distrust
And Just like a star that self destructs i exploded
The worries the sadness the pain consumed my body
My fingertips were tingling and my whole body felt it
The demons were out and they wouldn't stop
They kept stabbing and stabbing and stabbing and stabbing
And just like a dim star i faded away to the sound of my soul
The sound of it yelling and telling me to run away
Telling me to not stay where I'd explode and hurt every other day
Telling me to be happy and just ignore the horrible demons
But i couldn't do what it was telling me to because i didnt notice but i was the demon
I had kept the sadness and the greif inside for too long and it had built up to be something i couldn't contain
It being a part of me i couldn't control its power against my tortured self
I would try to run away from it but how could i run away from my own self
And when i couldn't find an escape and i just couldn't be happy anymore all i could do was fade away
Fading away to a new world leaving my body and my own soul behind
I faded away.
● a letter from the numb girl●