My depression is a shape shifter
Some days it can be as big as a lion
And others it can be as small as a bee
On the good days I can feel happy and free like a weight has been lifted from god knows what
But on the bad days... god the bad days
It can feel like the world is against me, i wake up and my body tells me no. I go to school and avoid everyone because I know I will either hurt them or myself like I constantly do. it's not just physical pain either it's emotional pain that never stops like someone constant telling me I'm worthless.I'm ugly.
Why are you here?!? I ask myself
Why did god put me here just to torture me
And on these days a little bit inside of me shrivels up and dies
It's like smoking, the first time it's not that bad but after a while your lungs start collapsing, slowly dying inside of you without you knowing until it's too late to change it.
On the bad days I lie to everyone and say I'm fine
IM FINE!
Are you actually kidding me! Do you honestly believe that I'm fine?
Look at my arms and my legs
Do you not see them scars do you not see that my only way of me not killing myself is to control my physical pain because clearly my emotional pain is out of control.
On the bad days it's like a downwards spiral which I don't know when it will stop or if it ever will.
On the bad days I don't know if I will beat my battle I don't know if I will **** my demos
But I hope and I pray that one day. One day someone will see how actually messed up I am.
How can they not see it already!
It's not going to be until I try and **** myself that you or someone else will actually work it out!
I. Don't. Want. To. Be. Here.
I. Want. To. Die.
But then I don't
If that's my only way out I'll take it but I don't want to
Mum say " I just want you to be happy"
How! How can I be happy when most days I feel like there's no point, everyone hates me any way so what's the point!
You don't understand.
My depression is a shapeshifter.
I hope one day you will work it out