With the door wide open

I am sleeping
With my eyes wide open
I am dreaming
With the door left open

Call it an inlet of the sea
A sea of indescribable beauty
And wilder still
Than any forest fire

However  will I cross then?
What, With all these feelings and mixed emotions?
But by a bridge ....built of words, and words alone
Stretching across and down and over my confusion

To the one and only island
I go myself, to mend
Where millions of countless words dangle and twist before me
Forming answers to questions I seek , should I dare untangle them.

Words, upon words, upon words, hang there.
All poems to be one day, hanging so unaware.
Everything I hold inside so quietly
All the things I scream so silently

Words to be collected ,sifted and gone through
All to be written, recorded, and expressed however I construe
Tailor made for however Im feeling
Small talk, pillow talk, or real talk , this is my unveiling

I'll use my words as walls, so they will protect me
Because within them, I am safe, no harm will come to me
Hiding deep within their camouflage, I am still free
No one can judge, ignore or treat me badly

To the common passerby, it may Appear that I lie sleeping
Or is it maybe that I lie awake ....yet still dreaming?
Swimming through the sea of all left unspoken...
That's me there, Dreaming , with the door wide open

© 3 years ago, Melissa Adkins

Erase Me
Falling. Lost. Falling fast into a dream thats dark as night. A nightmare that steal my soul. If I even have one left worth being stole... So take it. Just take it. Take all of me. Enclose me. Encase me. Place me on display. Destroy me. Let everyone see me. Lie to me. Just make a victim of me very lastly... or was I a victim of me already? Inhale me. Breathe into me. You tease me. Is this your secret to death maybe? Of bone? Of flesh? Of the emptiness that now lie within me? The life i had you took from me. You killed me. Your ******* killing me!
Take it! Take it all! I will want for nothing. I will never again need a thing. From here on I want for not one thing. So Enclose me. Encase me. **** me slowly.
Your wants and your needs were subdued so swiftly, the very moment you entered me. And I hate you. I spit on you. I hope you burn in hell thief! Burn eternal in return for my soul you stole!
My stomach now swoll and any day now will be empty once again. A shell of what it used to be.
So Enclose me! Encase me! Erase that part of me! Erase the empty hole , the very part of me that will never again feel whole. Erase me... because what do I have left to me? Surely no pride, no dignity.... and mourning the loss of an innocent child born unto me just furthers my misery.
Yes just turn the knife a bit further. Please deepen these wounds that scar me eternally ' internally. And then abandon me. Just leave me alone. To stand alone along the jagged rocks amidst the murkey black waters of my own mind.
What little of you, you made mine. And what was mine, you took for you. We are now one in the same? No. NO!! *******! I spit on you! Because i can no longer see the difference between me and you, all I see is you. You, the no-face who maimed me with a violence that I simply can not erase. You who left me crumpled there. Left me with a hole now that I can never fill. Not with any prescription pill.
Just take it! ******* take it all, let me fall. Becsuse i can not keep pace with the direction you've chosen my life take. This is all because of you! You no name, no face, no heart bearing *******... I spit in your face!
And though my physical pain will cease, and my wounds will one day close, inevitably to be forgotten by eveybody but me....I will forever remember. Like shiney new, yesterdays pain will be renewed. Alot like the pain I now know rather intimately. The very same pain that now follow me endlessly. Constantly taunting, reminding, haunting me tirelessly of the girl I used to be. The girl i was once before you yanked my innocence and tore it from me. Washed it clean from me... washed up on shores of morbid curiousity. Because that is about all I've left of me. All the questions that circled around me making me feel a devastating despair and a hopelessness throughout my entirety. I am simply treading water here. Taking up space. I'm just another victim without a case. Insomnia settled in and seems to be moving into this vaccant space you placed and it drives me further insane.
You very well may be the death of me. Nothing but my ashes to settling along the bottom of a vase.
As you Enclose me. Yes encase me in a vase and just Erase me. Place my weary body 6 feet beneath thee so that peace may once again find me. So that you can no longer hurt me.
Free me... of this constant countdown of the hours I may have left to me. Days marked only by the number of breaths I take. And each and every solitary tear that streak down my cheek.
Take it. Take it all from me! And then be gone from me! Have you not taken enough of me? Have you not taken all you possibly could from me already? You can have anything... if only I could go back. Rethink, rechoose, using less of the hurt i felt and more of the fact..... I want my baby back.