Everything.
Everything's gone. He was everything.
There's nothing else. Nothing but this.
Left alone. Pills. Gone.
Eyes close.

Floating. Nothing makes sense.
Pieces of memories. Friends Family.
Everything that mattered. Before him. Before this.
Pain. Crying out. For comfort. For warmth.
Don't want this.
Don't want this anymore.

Eyes open.
Mom. Dad. Hospital. Tears.
Love. Real love.
It's not over.

Doctors. Questions. Worse pain.
I'm lucky. So lucky.
Visits. Friends. More tears.
Never again. Promise.

I'm still here.
He wasn't everything. He wasn't love. Wasn't worth it.
Still lucky. Lucky to be alive. Lucky for family. Lucky for friends.
There's a reason. Always a reason.
For me. For you. For everybody.

Life. Precious. Never waste it.

The day I buried
your memories,
you sent me a postcard
with your love written
in blood. And despite
the pain you've brought to me,
my hands couldn't fathom
how to drop this last piece of you
into the grave.

You left no return address.
No way for me to slap
you with the stinging
knowledge of how thoughtless
I considered you to be.
So instead I filled the
back of a Polaroid
with everything I never said,
and placed it in the postman's hand.

I told him that if
he ever saw the person
from the picture, and
placed the Polaroid in
his hand, that I would
pay him in stories about
a broken life.

Or if he preferred,
fifty one dollar bills.

Your pain is something you wear
Strapped
Pinned
Stapled
Nailed
To your chest

You can't hide it
There's no use
Why would you try to tuck away something so
Gratuitous
Toxic
******
And
Beautiful?

It's too big to hide under your bed
Too shiny to hide in your dark corners
Too smart for you to try to convince it that it doesn't existence

So you're stuck with it
And since you're stuck with it
You wear it
Wear it like the Badge of Courage it is
Like the Medal of Honor you earned
Like the Nobel Peace Prize you worked so hard Just to say
That you finally made it

On the weekends
I talk to bottles and cans
Of wine, of whiskey, of gin and of beer
I ask them why
I feel the way I do
But they never answer me

Lost and broken
On the trail
Never
Ending
Sorrow
Tomorrow I'll feel
Again the
Relentless ache of your absence

the disappointment in your vacancy
stretched across the country side
mirrored in my eyes of water
for your body is the sea
your ignorance of these sentiments
writhe between my lungs
and play a rhythm on my heart
foreign and savage
each silent word is screamed
upon my eager ears
and from the line stretched across my face
you can tell I am broken
by the distance at my side
and the silence bites my tongue
heavy and anchored, it remains
for i shall not reach out to you
if my efforts are in vain