Be still my beating heart
Roaming through my chest
Ba-dum, Ba-dum, and pop just like that my heart is breaking
The pain ascending into my lungs and breath leaves my brain
How foggy a night, how dark is my soul, I'm broken, I'm broken, I'm broken
I beg of you my beating heart please stop beating

The endless cycle of forgotten memories
If I have a soul, its an empty hole.
Nothing fills my illness
I can only suppose that I've always been this miserable
I wonder what was the purpose of making damaged goods
Was I an accident on the assembly line?
Damaged goods better off wasted
Born broken ain't that *****
Forced to repeat the pain endlessly
The universe is cruel to have created me
I don't know why I'm here or what I am
I'm so miserable I want to ******* end it
Regrettable is the only word that echoes in my head
Pretending to be alive when I was born dead Living is dream I would like to end
I can't communicate from a cage, yet I lock myself up anyway
I am but a distant illusion constantly alluding to death

The further I go the less I believe
What's with the need to deceive
No one cares enough to hear
Anything but my swears
I don't even care
If a tree falls in a forest
and no one is around to hear it
Did it even fall?
If you're drowning
and no one sees it
Did you even die?
If I died on a Friday
I'd be found on a Monday
Actually that's joke
It'd be much longer
I could sing a siren song
and it would be heard all wrong
Better to be silent
That'll make it more shocking and humorous for me

Running out the clock
Be still my beating heart
Its all passing me by
Tick-Tock
Ba-Dum
Click-Clack
Rat's race
Man's maze
Hollow days
Empty nights
Dark heart, low light
What a dreary expression
The emptiest reflection
Of a no longer beating heart

Now that I have lived this life I am ready to cast the net
I identify with my fears
but when I say this
I don't mean I am afraid
No it means
I AM A PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF MY FEAR
Riddled with anxiety
Or a walking ball of angst
Existential anxiety
Or socially inept
Embarassed
Or ashamed
Whatever you want to call me

Why do I nod
I know nothing else
Lost is what I am
Forgotten in mist
In-Out I go
Shrouded in darkness
Embraced in light
Don't bother holding me
I can't be held
Don't try to know me
I can't be known
Don't try to love me
I can't loved
Nodding off, Here I am, There I go
Not here and not there
That's when the pain is gone

I'm sick
sick of mornings walking in a daze
sick of ticking the clock away
sick of losing myself this way
sick of not caring about my fate
sick of thinking its over
that this has to be over
that I can't do anything
that I can't be anything
I'm tired
Tired of wasting my time
Tired of wasting my day
Tired of living like this
Is this even living anyway
I want
To change something
To change myself into something
I want to be something worthwhile
Why is death all I ever think about
Why is the bottle my replacement
Why are the drugs all I care about
I need
To be better
To do better
To feel better
I need a way out of this
No longer failing
Not this paling
Beguiling *******
I wanna live please give me life
I need be alive
Someone give me hope
Because I can't make it myself