To write out,bleed out on paper

To the man whose pain I caused,
Am sorry.
Am sorry that I broke your heart and messed you up while I was trying to fix myself.
It may seem  too late for this apology
But for me,it feels right
Cause had I said these words back then,
They wouldn't have been genuine at all

Am sorry for the times you asked that we go out together and I claimed to be busy while I stayed home to binge watch some series
The time you sent me roses and I whined about my preference for orchids.
Friday night when you returned from your work trip , came to see me and I said I didn't want to look at you
Am sorry.

Am sorry that when we broke up
I let my friends believe you had hurt me,
They called you trash and said I was better off without you
I could have told them the truth ,
Could have told them I was the monster not you.
I was the trash and you were constantly trying to recycle me.
That it was you who was better off without me
But I kept silent.

Am sorry, really sorry that from the start I knew this wasn't going to last forever but I let you believe it would.
That when you said you loved me ,I said I loved you 2 and yet I didn't

Thinking back to the time we met,I feel sorry,
Am sorry because I think if we went back in time I would still be selfish
I would still lure you in ,
I would still use you
Because for a broken, messed up girl like me,
Your love was and still is like a dream.
Your are the best thing that has ever happened to me..
Am sorry that for all your charm , love and affection....I gave you nothing but
my darkness in return
And am sorry that it took me this long to say-SORRY

TODAY
Well today could have been our anniversary
Today....I would have dressed just for you
Today, I would have written you a poem or a love letter, maybe both
Today...I would..
But today marks 634 days since you broke my heart
634 days since I found you in her arms
Today, could have been our anniversary,but instead... today serves as a reminder of my foolishness and immaturity.

I had you were getting married
And oh, thank you for asking
If I was "okay" with it, like my opinion ever mattered
And thanks for the apology,but I think it's too late
It was too late  the moment I caught you
And oh thanks for the invite..
What a blissful reunion it would be if I showed up at your wedding

Today, exactly 634 days ago,I slit my wrists
I felt at peace as I bled
I found peace in my dark thoughts
But today 634 days ago,I was saved by my mother
And I realized she had raised me better
That I was never really in love with you,I was in love with a version of you that you switched on when you wanted to get laid
That I deserved better.

Today, today...my therapist gave me a punching bag with your face on it
She asked me to hit hard to let go of all my anger
But today I realized it wasn't worth it, you weren't worth it
Today I realized I owed myself an apology for my stupidity
For trying to **** myself
For putting you before me
Today... could have been our anniversary but am glad it isn't
Cause today...I realized am glad I lost you

+256gedhdcdgi
Hope you figure it out
And give me a call

So cold in a lonely world

Love don't cost a thing
       Or maybe t does
Maybe t costs a thing or a number of things
But 4 u my love.. I wud give t all up
Love costs tym & ur my world,
My love all my time z yrs to have
Love requires sacrifice
   There z nothing i wudnt give up 4 u
Not a single thing
Love z unconditional
My love 4 u z not seasonal
I love u in all seasons
     Before the sun kisses the earth
I want to be with u
And when the moon hugs the night sky
I'll still be by ur side
I love u with every breath I take
For eternity I will always love u

I've never loved anyone as much as I love you
...thats  wat I told the girl standing in front of me~in a mirror

Walk away
Leave without a word..leave me here
Wen it grows colder
I'll miss u
I'll miss the people we used to be
So weneva ur ready,come back
I'll always be
Here

I've learnt from my experiences
So next time I meet some1 that interests me
I'll let my feet go to him
But I'll keep my heart safely locked away,far from his reach

Losing your faith in a moment
Faith u built for so long
In so many moments,it grew
Losing urself ,giving in to the world
And then u realise
It was never worth it

Giving it a try
Just trying
Am a little sad
No,really sad.
It usually lasts a few days,a week or at most two
But now it has lasted longer

My safe heaven has been snatched away
Many feelings buried coz I can express them no more
I can't pen them down
This writers block has hit so hard
How to get back to my peaceful place
I don't know
Am just ,TRYING

Cupid why me?!!
Cupid must have eyed me
Not that its a bad thing
        But why me?

His love spell has got me so~
          Lovey Dovey
This really ain't me
Not that am rigid or void of love
           Change is good
But why me?

Love is beautiful
And I did like to fall in love someday
With someone who will move my heart
But I ain't ready
These feelings ,I don't want at the time
So cupid shud have jst passed by
                But he didn't
     Now am here floating
      In a sea of love
     Beautiful but undesired as per now
   Many wud wish 4 it ,but not me
                       So
                  •why me?!

The irony that is in his ways
In his actions
The sarcasm only he can portray
Cutting right thru my heart
Reaping my soul apart
Making me lose my senses
But mostly,
The hurt & the pain
The anger I feel
Hatred not for him but me
Hating just how much I love him

A drop of ink in a glass of clear water makes it change colour

Ain't it amazing
A smile towards my direction from u makes me hormonal
Ain't it crazy
How I used to care only abt what I felt but now I could care less about me & more about u
Ain't it just amusing
My willingness to give up anything for u
Yes anything
Ain't love just simply lovely

I promised to be strong
But here I am acting like a fool
How can I blame u
When it was all my fault

T z I who gave away my heart
I who let you break it
I acted like a fool
And it hurts

Young girls grow up wanting to be like the women in their lives
But not me
         I want to be
         Unlike u

Not that am ungrateful,
My gratitude u will always have
But because am hurting
Coz u have hurt me way too much
    I want to be
   Unlike u

You do beautiful things
But u don't do them beautifully.
U hurt me a lot
And bring me healing rarely

       Thats  why
I want to be
        Unlike u

Poetry
Sometimes I express my feelings thru words in a poem
Other times I simply use it to portray wat is running thru my imagination
Sometimes I express what I think the people my eyes fall upon are thinking or feeling

So when people misunderstand my reason for writing
When without thinking or asking they jump to conclusions
T hurts
But I just roll my eyes

The wound does hurt much
But the scar brings more pain

Probably coz i was so obsessed with healing
With the Washing away the pain
T  never hurt as much
But the scar
So dried up & permanent
That hurts more

I feel crippled
Unable to walk away:(
I've been crippled by my past
The mistakes I made
The guilt I still feel
    I am crippled

Am searching for love
Hope I can find love
Hope you will be my new love

The day I begun to fall for you
Was the day I signed up for agony

Age is not equivalent to wisdom
                Experience is
So just because your older,doesn't mean your wiser

They say home is where the heart is
    My heart is not settled yet
So I guess I have no place to call home

Ever been in a situation where you know your wrong but can't get yourself to say the words am sorry
Am on that situation
       Trying to find the words
   But am failing
       Truly I feel apologetic
    I just can't say it
        I know I led you on
     But you let me
   I was wrong
    And so were you
   Am regretting the pain I've caused you
   I honestly didn't mean to hurt you
  But I really can't say sorry
  Cause I feel we were in this together ,yet your letting guilt take my heart alone
I really wish I had the guts to say sorry

I just want to live in the moment
Not in my own little bubble
But in this moment so precious

I want to lose my self in a sea of words
Poems beautifully written
Words without a doubt coming from the heart
I want to live ...to live like this

I want you to become my inspiration
For a friendship to sprout from the exchange of words
I want us to be more than just HePo buddies
I want us to be friends
To live in that moment

We can both see it clearly
Feelings we had for each other
Slowly wearing out
Our hearts growing apart
We are drifting

Your eyes no longer smile into mine
The longing & hunger,the glow!!!
All faded
We are still with each other,yet so apart
You next me yet not present at all

When I was there u never rili cared
Now that am leaving u claim to want to stay but I can't
I've stayed around long enuf to know that ur promises don't mean a thing

What hurts more z that I still love u
Apart of me feels so bad about this but am done
Am done breaking down so u can step on me
Done staying around to keep u company while I feel so alone
Am going this time & I shan't return

I just needed that
  Just that
All I ever asked for was a smile
For u to look me in the eye & dream
For u to be truly mine in a moment

I don't need money
Gifts wud matter less
All I needed was for u to touch me
Hold me & whisper
That u loved me
   Just that
Is all I wanted

She told me men can lie
That boys can break ur heart
She told me they cud make you feel special then trash you

But the unsaid
That which she remained silent about
That was what I needed to know

She didn't tell me love cud be so draining
Heart breaks so wrecking
That liars lukt trustworthy
She didn't say all that
T all remained unsaid

Remember all people
Remember those who loved you
Those people who stayed there in the coldest nights
Who stood by you thru thick & thin
Don't forget such people cause those are the ones u can turn to

Remember those who hurt you
Those who wanted you to fall & stay done
Those who ran to warmth & left you out in the cold
Remember those people becaces these are your motivators...dark energy can bring light

Been thinking all day
Pounding about it all night
Thinking about whether to stay
Or leave

When he had the means
He rarely called
When he was in a tight spot,
He yelled for my help

I rili don't know if I should stay or leave
Not sure if I still love him as much as did before
If I stay
Or if I leave
What will happen there after

Black & beautiful
So whole..so..so perfect
Magical, just magical
My African beauty
African girl

She walks with grace,calm like a gazelle
Her slim beautiful feet bare, touching fine green grass
She smiles,beautiful white teeth exposed
A smile so calming

Perfect,I wouldn't change a thing
African beauty so worthy
Worthy of love & praise
I wouldn't bleach a pinch,
Cause she is African
Beauty so Perfect

Nerves....
Hearts beating
Like a drum sounding
Doo do doo do
Aaaahh...I cry out
Its not pain...its fear

A million eyes watching
Murmurs in the crowd
Wat if I forget the words..
Wat if the lines don't rhyme

Ts time...lights are out in the crowd
Only a spotlight stands--all eyes on me..
I begin to recite
All fear gone
Am lost in the rhymes and rhythm
Am done!!!
They r all up...the love it

So done
Am done crying over u
Done waiting by the window for you
Am done lying to myself & my friends that your the one yet in truth you ain't
So tired of having to pretend you love me yet I no in truth that you don't
Am done with you

Have u ever loved someone so much it hurt
Have u ever missed someone so much it stresses
Have u ever

World's greatest

He was the world's greatest poet
He wrote his words not in ink but blood ,not on paper but onto the heart
He was a true poet,the greatest

He wrote rhymes so lovely onto my heart
Lines that were so beautiful,so deep he engraved onto the centre of my life
That which beats to keep me going

I loved him
His name was a sweet melody
Rhyme & rhythm....all of it
His touch..his touch was like a beautiful piece
So fulfilling, so full of emotions & meaning
He was the world's greatest

So great,he was so great
He wrote onto my heart...wrote to hard...I fell too hard
Even the greatest poet hit a block
He wrote no more...inspiration lost
He left..left me with a heart full of his work
A heart in which he had engraved so many promises

He promised forever but left before tomorrow set in
Still he was the world's greatest poet
Because--Poets use their work to express emotions in a moment.. When the moment passes...its now a piece with memory
I was in a moment.. A piece..and now a memory to him
Yet he lives still for me in the present as the world's greatest poet

I have been beaten...I hv been starved
I've slept on a cold hard floor
But am alright

As long as I can breath
So long as I can think
I'll write
Pen down my pains
Let my  tears accompany them....
I'll be strong
Strong enough 2 face tomorrow

You can think of me as you wish
But I know am great
And am going to be even greater

She said to me,
Its okay to smile,
Ts okay to cry
Ts okay to laugh out loud or giggle
As long as as your feeling a certain way..ts okay

Ts okay to feel lonely in the middle of a crowd..to feel like an outsider when seated with your hommies...its okay to need a shoulder, a pillow ,a cliff to shout off,
Ts okay sometimes not to be okay..

Is it because am black
Or is it that I don't meet the expectations in your shallow minded brain

He,
He is not just the best thing that has ever happened to me
His a sweet melody
His like sunlight after harsh winter
My heaven sent
My love

He makes believe I can do all things
With him I feel most alive
In his arms,
Oh his perfect arms
In his arms I feel secure
Free to dream

I love this man
They say I love him too much but there is nothing with a little extra
I have I want,no,all I need

Am not angry
Am bitter!!
When did it become criminal to be stylish
Stylish in a red...color of my blood
Color of love,representation of brotherhood!!

Been treated like a dog,my black skin beat like a rug,z it criminal to be Ugandan and love red...
Z it criminal to love one person & not the other
Don't care about your politics
As long as you stop being judgemental
Y shud my favourite color be the death of Me
Not angry...just very bitter

Been working so hard but got to work harder
Am not sure where am headed but I no am headed somewhere
But please show me a sign
Send me proof that my hard work won't be in vain
Send me a sign

......

It is people like you that keep me going
People like you who believe in me
It is people like you that inspire the fire in me
Thank you for the poems written
For messages sent
Comments left
Thank you for the follow

I don't want you to act like you know me,
Because you don't!!
I just want you out of my life
Wish you had never become a part of it
Am devastated, Am stressed
And you trying to make me feel better, makes it worse

So what if my face is a sea of worries
Does it matter to you that my heart is a book of fear
That I just want to crawl under covers and cry
That I wish I did never been born why do you care??!!!

I hate you cause you see through my mask
My smile fools thousands but not you
I hate it that you stay even when I tell you to leave
It bothers me how much you love me

My pen,it speaks
my hand it transfers.
What lies in my heart,my hand it takes to then which puts it on paper
Put down the pain& shame
My tears,my terror,my demons
Am not okay
Poetry is my safe heaven,
Yet it too seems be getting sadder
Some throw me hapi lines

I don't need to go thru something
Sometimes all it takes is observation
And then my pen moves
I start to write
Problem is when I write even about other people it all becomes part of me

Sitting in corner of a crowded room,
       My eyes searching
Feeling so alone,living with anxiety
Is it a fear to know or to be known??

My eyes begin to water
My heart-it aches
Its been 8weeks and 3days yet still
    I feel like a stranger
Here in a crowd wea I sit daily,
I feel colder and so alone.

Am losing my mind
Am so stressed, I can't even fake a smile
I have built my wall so high
And now it gets thicker
Not that am a loner
Am just so alone
Here in a crowd of familiar faces
I feel so alone