CAM - Hello Poetry

CAM Feb 2019

Every time I try,
I get this feeling in my stomach.
Some say they're butterflies.

But if you would call them butterflies,
They must be malicious ones,
Swarming and making me feel sick.

They're trying to **** me,
Sometimes I think.
Maybe it's for the best.

Maybe the butterflies are right,
And I should stop trying
But I hope they aren't.

The sweetest butterflies,
The ones that flutter and glitter,
They come when I'm around you.

CAM Feb 2019

Independence

Yelling won't help me
Unless you think I'm right,
I'll be yelling into unlistening space,
And you won't hear a word.

You’ll never know how much those words hurt
Because every time I say they do,
You push them back in my face,
Saying my independence will hurt you.

You steal my self-sufficiency,
And tell me I need your help.
I need you to meddle in a situation,
A situation I just fixed from you.

You tell me I don’t need to work so hard.
But hard work is how you get good things.
And I want this.
More than before.

I WANT TO DO MY OWN WORK

I want to make my own decisions,
And not feel bad for making them.

I want my independence back.
And I will do what it takes.

CAM Jan 2019

I'm So Sorry

I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry for the way I treated you.
For the way I didn’t carry through
For the way I didn’t talk to you.

I’m so sorry for the things I talked about.
For the people I brought round
And for the people I thought would count.
For the insults in large amounts.

I’m so sorry for the way I spoke
The way I ditched you,
It seems like a common problem.
But I’m trying to fix it, I promise.

I’m sorry for making you think something,
When it wasn’t entirely true.
You deserved so much better.
And still, right now, you do.

I’m sorry for not telling you.
I couldn’t handle the pain.
I couldn’t handle the stress
But now I want you to know.

It was always me.
It wasn’t ever you.

CAM Jan 2019

Mistake

I like you a lot and I don't know what to do
Because someone else, yes, I know they like you too,
So we're going to stay friends,
For as long as it takes.
For you to like me back,
Or me to notice my mistakes.

CAM Dec 2018

Those Thoughts

Those thoughts fill my head
Not always when I'm laying in bed.
They overwhelm my mind,
Make rationality much too hard to find.

I can't stop rambling,
And they don't interrupt me.
They've already tried scrambling,
To help me, you see.

They've become adjusted to the fact that they can't.
The fact that they can't do anything.
They've tried hard and become frantic,
They've tried nearly everything.

But then he's there and they disappear.
All my thoughts fade to his voice.
I listen and my rationality reappears
He was always the only choice.

But now he's gone.
He doesn't say my name anymore.
It hasn't even been very long.
But those thoughts were the waves,
And he was the shore.

CAM Nov 2018

Repeat

I don't repeat things consistently.

I don't repeat things consistently

I don't repeat things

I don't repeat

I don't

Unless they're important

Apparently,
Nothing can be important anymore

CAM Nov 2018

Why?

You look me in the eyes and ask why not
But I wonder why

You ask me how I know,
But I wonder why I wouldn't.

You ask me why I'm me
I wonder why I wouldn't be.