Sincerely thanks
For everything
This optimal
Version of me
Is possible
Because of you

That being said
Sadly things die
Others are born
Now I can say
The queen is dead
Long live the queen

I was broken when you found me
A lost ship with a shattered keel
You showed up late to our first date
I didn’t know just how I would feel

You know how long it’s taken me
To put what we have into verse
I hate love poems and cliches
When I can just plainly converse

There is something messing me up
Something I'm willing to confess
Loving you scares me to death
Because it’s so easy, I guess

Who the hell ever thought I’d see the apex
Looking back on the detritus of a climb

Surveying the summit of my ascension
I let myself feel just a ripple of pride

It took way more crutches, crawling, and clutching
Than I imagined at my journey's nadir

I feel the clean air for a moment longer
I guess it’s time to go find my new mountain

It was a no-lose kind of night
Until I put an L in the win column
Life is a never-ending equation
When you are the unsolvable problem

You added another item to your list
Of things to hold back the voices
Something to occupy your mind
While you drown out nasty noises

It’s sporting to watch in a sick way
Like waiting for a dam to burst
Will you take up quidditch next or
Reach for a bottle to slake your thirst

I’m sorry but your battle is being lost
And I have a nasty habit of truth telling
One day you’ll run out of hobbies
Because your mind won’t quit rebelling

It occurred to me
Am I evil or just fun?
Then the cops showed

Just another check-in to see how things are
Are you still playing your greatest hits?
Avoiding the mirror again so you don’t see
You found another way to be your worst self

The phone is your only companion and enemy
Giving you the outlet for another devil moment
When you reach out to a supposed lifesaver
That you will inevitably try to drown with you

Round and round goes your never-ending circus
And here I am guardian angel to a clown car
Will you ever take stock of the rubble left behind?
Or do you find solace in the destruction?

A fleeting feeling like a shallow stab
An invasive insight I’m forced to grasp

Because if I miss you I start anew
Facing a nascent nightmare to see through

What if I miss you today and can’t stop
What if this sheer climb has no mountaintop

I missed you today and didn’t dare voice it
Because silence from you would be poison

Breaking just after I had my last break
Taking the chance I was too afraid to take

Embracing another by accepting her embrace
Racing to her arms after refusing the race

Thawing my heart when I doubted the thaw
Dawning on me that I found my new dawn

Welcome to our session dear reader
Your participation makes you my therapist
I will regale you with the tale of a silly man
Who fell in love and now can’t get out

Why have I chosen you to unleash this?
Because everyone else is sick of hearing it
I’ve exhausted all personal means
Of excising burdensome love unrequited

Your credentials are the least of my worries
The love of my life proves challenging
She is an amazing, beautiful, intelligent
Aggravating, over-analyzing, angel of a liar

You are right, those are not all positive attributes
But I learned a thing about loving someone
You focus on the positives and hold on
While accepting the flaws that make her, her

Why am I bothering you if I am so in love?
You see, I am hers but she is not mine
My only claim is making her smile
Which I know were both real and rare

Your professional opinion is to walk away
Alas, that is not remotely possible
I have basked in her glow too long
That I can’t even leave her shadow

What do I want from you and your time?
Just a friendly ear to bend now and again
With this sad story of woe and love
Same time next week will do just fine

I am blind and cannot see
But my heart knows the way
The path is clear but treacherous
But I know nothing worth having is easily had
Is this the climb before my fall?
From here, I can’t see the end
I will not yield to my fears
They are based on my past, not my future
An unwritten future, a black monolith
But my fear is paired with freedom
As I write the next pages
I ascend to my waiting fate
With the wing at my back
And courage in my heart
I embrace what could tear me asunder
And take in the view as I climb
Catch me if I stumble, my love
I grow stronger with each uneven step
I learn from each wrong turn
And now I see the summit
To which I must walk alone
I carry your heart in my heart
But each step is my own
It is time to find your apex
Apart from my obsession
While it doesn’t look as I imagined
The view from here is life changing
These images I will take my me
On my new journey
My hard-won perspective with me always

My words have failed me again
Staring at the blinking line
Shaking my head back and forth
Hoping to find text goldmine

I have felt this way before
Set myself up for freefall
Overthink my every move
Whether I should type or call

Hit send and hope it turns out
It won’t be great, this I know
You’re right, that’s not what I meant
It was just a true typo

I sometimes feel like the sight
That causes sore eyes
A storyteller with a sad ending
Who makes your ears bleed

You know I fell for someone
Who didn’t fall back
A deep bruise black and blue
Like the one you left

The truth is I am pretty happy
But still bent, not broken
The eternal optimist in the market
For a new muse to amplify me

Are you the one who makes it click
A camera on the perfect shot
Adding symmetry to my rough edges
Left wanting nothing more

Everything came effortlessly
As we talked and walked endlessly
Two people alone in a crowd
Your laugh so boisterous and loud

Climbing on a forgotten train
And getting caught in the rain
I don’t know how it all ends
But I know we aren’t just friends

I bathed in its light as it hung in the sky
Soaked in every ray to make my soul brighten
Pretended the fading was temporary
Before facing the death on the horizon

I never thought I’d see the light disappear
I also never thought I’d wish it away
But I believe before a new day can start
The old one needs to end after its decay

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn
Another tiring aphorism I despise
It’s always darkest after the sun goes down
When you are furthest from the brand new sunrise

There are two ways to believe
I can listen to your words
Or what you really mean
Either way I'm downright ******

This place is too big
Since you left here

The light is dimmer
Music a lull

Eternal winter
Without a cure

This is my promise
Come back to me

I’ll be by the door
When you come home

When you awaken
In the middle of the night
Did you think of me

Today you’re just across the street
A few steps closer and I’m right there
Staring at your bright eyes for answers
Hoping you betray what I want from this

Today will not be that desperate day
No, now is the day I stand my ground
You will stay in your world and I mine
Our paths have diverged by choice

Today my love is for those who want me
The ones who want to put in the effort
My pride won and self-destruction lost
Keeping me from a desperate walk

I made the mistake of falling in love
And not taking a hint it was over
My friends tell me to get over it
She told you she didn’t love you
There’s nothing left for you to do
But what I felt was real and new
Piercing through my skepticism

So why do I keep holding on?
There’s a ***** little secret I keep
The truth is this is where I want to be
Wallowing in the warmth of self-pity
Telling myself my pain means something
That I am a knight on an epic quest
For the one that I love in this fairy tale

Life is not the epic romance I make it to be
It is cold and lonely and you get left behind
I will persevere beyond all reason
Because in the dark, when I pray
The words keep coming to me the same
Stay the course, stay the course
Even if the voice is merely my own

On a journey which may never end
Searching for something already found
They beg him to end his exodus
To admit defeat to his crucible
Steadfast, undaunted he carries on
Trudging through his own wasteland
Rainless night as lightning streaks the sky

Another storm, another shelter
Another mountain, another climb
Another valley, another descent
Another sea, another sail

He perseveres beyond all good reason
Encouraged by a mere drop of the rain
Or the slight hint of the sun deep in the sky
He chases the horizon which never stops
Champion of a solitary war he alone wages
King of a hopeless cause he only understands
Cursed by the hope he is not forever ******

It was much lower

You are my new baseline

I will never go back

I don’t decide on your beauty day to day

It’s a static viewpoint I won’t redecide



Regardless of the excuses you have:

Too much makeup!

Too little makeup!

Wait! I blinked!

Wrong angle, I have two chins!

Are my ears sticking out?

All of my hair is out of place!

Don’t get my profile, my nose has a bump!

I thought you aren’t supposed to get red eye anymore?

I look so tired today.

This shirt is doing me no favors.

Is one eye larger than the other?

For the love of God who has a comb?

Is that a gray hair?!

Is that a goat in the background?

That’s a zit. It’s a zit isn’t it?

I just don’t take good pictures. Ask anyone.



Keep adding to the list, doesn’t matter

You’re beautiful to me in any light



Wait, I just sent you a picture

Are you doing the same to me?!

Did you want me to fall flat on my face?

I know why you look at me wearily

You want to know where the catch is



I saw you watching me and that little smirk

I know awkwardness is a defense

And it’s not hot in here, that’s just us



Pay attention and you don’t need directions

Those weak knees ain’t from the hiking

Prepping for the night is obsolete, dear



It’s a beautiful thing when it all aligns

When someone fits your contours just right

And now my bed feels too **** big

And the acrid breeze will burn our eyes

The conflagration may scorch



We want the warmth to keep us safe

Show us what we never had



Obscured in the gray, dark mist

I see you clearly in the glow



You keep talking about the smoke

But all I see is the fire

Here we are so deep in something we didn’t mean to

Two wounded souls with ghosts in an unfamiliar town



You slowly opened your gates to reveal yourself to me

The time with you was no longer nearly enough to satisfy



I was a fool pretending to be a poet slinging passion

Daring the flames to quench this growing enthusiasm



You were a skeptic looking a reason to explain this away

And found out our contours fit together like a puzzle



I, riddled with clichés and begging to be taken seriously

Finding an Eshton twin while trying to just start over



You dared me not to see a woman begging to be written for

Your half phrases, your intense stares, and confident walk



I found a muse and saw much more than you bargained for

A weird woman who intrigued me with every little nuance



You believed no subject too taboo to tackle together  

Multiple choice exams never were as easy as yours



I realized my defenses had been stolen from under me

The siege general suddenly realizing he is besieged



You were a treasure both all mine and not at all

Though I am a man who tilts at windmills on a calm day



I’m drained trying to put a beautiful secret into verse

I’d rather focus on holding you in the glow of the fire



You reset me in ways I never could imagine or believe  

And now I can’t imagine becoming who I was before



I realize you will still have you’re your insecurities

But you are more than enough even at your worst



These are the last words and hope they are all you need

Know now that I am yours, all yours, and only yours

Every withheld thought an abstraction  

Every long look a manna

Every bated breath an approval

Every ***** note a nuance

Every slow walk a distraction

Everything about you an allure

She started this fire a night over drinks setting the kindling alight

We became a secret that night I’m not sure I ever want to share

Something about the brazen mystery of longing eye contact

Or the smiles we pretend are for others when we both know better



She can make distances of miles seem like feet and my feet like miles

She makes me feel transparent with the deep green of her eyes

An equal who can bring me to my knees and make me grateful to be there

And who knows I see her even when she’s trying to hide from my sight



Draped across the scene of my heartbreak and make it a masterpiece

She keeps robbing of my sleep with searing late-night conversations

Or when she stays, and I can’t stand to sleep through those moments

She will try to hide in the morning even though I’ve never seen such beauty



And I move through this life searching for painkillers with different names  

To try and pretend I’m pending when I’ve never been more certain

She worries she can’t give me what I need when she’s all I ever wanted

Disease of the body or mind can’t dim the light or the heat between us



I know what she wanted me to say last night with her soul open

But the coward in me never wants to feel an island in a tempest

My head will never understand what my heart keeps telling me

Because I’m desperate for her to know I need her now and I want more



Future or past tense, I don’t want the present to ever stop

All you can give

All you can bear

I can want it

I can take it

Running from me

Running from you

Only if you dare

Only if you want to

More light

More heat

More you

I am not sad, love

Something’s missing, you

Come back home to me

Smoldering looks in crowded rooms

Irish goodbyes and rushed plans

Come and get me, don’t make me wait

Skip the hellos and get to the rush

Strewn all over the floor in piles

Stop my breath, bring me to my knees

Your body hovering above me

Make me fall apart, surrender

Lucky me, hold me down with them

Let’s make it all to happen tonight

Make me yours, take me over

She had to say it plainly and direct

This is real, you’re not imagining

We fit as well as you think we do

We’re opposites that can’t help it

Attraction without caring about poles



I needed to hear it so badly from her

This is real, you’re not imagining

This whole thing is crazy, irresponsible

Yet somehow it works day after day

And I don’t seem to see an end in sight  



I needed to tell myself the same thing

This is real, you’re not imagining

Open yourself up to the joy and pain

You may try to run but it catches up

Face the facts, this is for real this time

It was always a long shot anyway

Just a couple of broken hearts

Looking for shelter in the storm

Maybe just a story on a week away?



Sure the late night talks were great

But what do we know about each other?

It’s just a burning passion keeping us up

And passion is just fleeting fancy, right?



Trading songs which say it much better

Asking questions like a high school pair

What I did learn is we are opposites

What is it they say about them attracting?



Yeah, it will all go down in flames

What are the chances of such a thing?

This is a just a bunch of kindling

Waiting on the first spark to send it up



Because we can’t possibly make it, right?

No matter how long I imagine it

We can’t be those stories that make you cry

Of beating all those odds, can we?

The night will be long, thoughts multiply

Did he hold the door? Pay for everything?

Did he call her beautiful? Did he mean it?

Is he kissing her the way he kisses me?

Does she make his heart beat faster like me?

Will he whisper in her ear like he does to me?

Does he say the things that make me crazy?

Did she claw at his back like I always do?

Did they stare into each other’s eyes during?

Did he hold her close to his chest after?

Did he like it? Did he think of me at all?

Sure, you didn’t mean to at first, per your poems

But you certainly meant everything you did since then

The way you learned me inside and out over time

Looking into the darkest and brightest spots of me



It must be exhausting keeping those boundaries

I’m a broken fire hydrant spewing romantic platitudes

Yet I know you want all these poems to be about you

You want to be here as much as I want you here



I have seen into you and I can’t, won’t look away

You don’t need a pedestal and you don’t need pity

You aren’t perfect but you’re also not defective

Life takes time to put the right one in your path



I’m not sure I know what this all means these days

I know that I am happy when I am holding you tight

You’re a beautiful secret I wish I didn’t have to keep

But you’ll never be alone as long as you’ll have me

I’m supposed to be wallowing in my loss and pity

Not writing longing poems like a lovesick puppy

Don’t run off and take anything seriously, I’m told

I pretend the others have just as much hold as you



What a ridiculous sight I must make of myself

You’re feet underneath me, reading Victorian novels

And I know when you say you’re not saying something

You’re really saying everything I ever wanted to hear



We’re not supposed to have a song or trade furtive looks

Late night conversations like a couple of teenagers

Just a couple of polar opposites who are charged magnets

Don’t bother asking if I want you to, it’s always yes



I’m not going to pine for you to text anymore (that’s a lie)

I’m not going to write anymore poems about you (that’s a lie)

I’m not going to crave when you open up to me (that’s a lie)

I’m not going to pretend this is just no strings fun (not a lie)



You’ve made me into the cliché of a man starting over

Who isn’t supposed to care about what you think and feel

I’m just another of the number enchanted by a muse

And I can't wait to see what you make of me next

Tonight I danced with Cathrine the Great
Swaying slowly as I shift my weight

A childhood dream come true in my arms
And I defenseless against her charms

I stare at her in the candlelight
Her green eyes glowing perfectly bright

Her majesty brings me to my knees
I breathe deeply to hide my unease

I beg for this waltz to never end
Or my heart will break and never mend

Tonight I danced with Cathrine the Great
Tomorrow alone, left to my fate

Darkness crept on me as she walked away
Enclosing on my sense of self preservation

And I rage against the dying of her light
Blinding me as I stare at her horizon

You can’t save someone unwilling to try
I accepted my fate as her shadow retreated

Now I do my own reckoning of what life is
When you refuse to close a broken door

I am chivalrous fool playing to an audience
Who already said she stopped listening

A wound like a long-lost friend
Not present but never truly gone
Invisible to all but me at all times
Deeper than a knife to my heart

I never want it to close or heal
A reminder of that which is lost
A connection taken from me
To a port in life’s terrible storm

I hate this ******* empty feeling
That I can’t be truly whole again
Piece of me permanently dead
That used to make me feel so alive

The sum of all the parts is clear
Life has kicked me down the stairs
To begin for the bottom once more
Reminding me how unlucky I am

I survey the damage as I stand
No broken bones, only bruised pride
My mind is still clear like the morning
My stubbornness fully intact

I will take these little victories
To rebuild my life once again
I will scratch and claw forward
Toward a future better than today

Mirror wounds only show we braved the same knives
Your run for safety only leads to a solitary false harbor
Keeping you in place as I lament from behind my line
My failed battles have been with demons like yours
That will keep you in place to strengthen your weakness
There is no perfect world where these wounds won’t reopen
But the blessings can outweigh any tragedy if you let them be
There is no amount of days which will let me stop wishing
For those days marching in a row creating our own music
This imperfect world will try to cleave us repeatedly in two
Yet cupid’s arrow has kept together those without light and heat
Your feelings of failure are the result of what is now missing
As your soul yearns to restore the completion we both once had
It’s more than just our share of scars which line up perfectly
Broken bones can heal repeatedly but hearts stay that way
What will you do about the blessings you already had?

A storm like this
We never saw coming
Cold November
Icy winds so numbing

Blinded by white
Hurricane of white sheen
I cannot see
Ship is starting to lean

Erie has roared
Inland sea upheaval
I fear sinking
Nothing for retrieval

But we can’t leave
Our light may save others
Our duty clear
As the vessel shudders

My hurried words
Are probably my last
Goodbye, Nellie
Ship is breaking up fast

My worn, weathered armor is spattered with mud and blood
From a brutal and deadly siege which seems never-ending
The lone queen stares down from her perch with her glacial glare
Concealing from the world a broken heart needing mending

I know she can’t look in the mirror and see the truth
She is her own jailer, prisoner of her own design
The keys in the door of her cold solitary cell
Evidence of me decorating her suffering shrine

From her perch upon the ramparts I reveal to her
The scars I’ve acquired in war to my very heart and soul
They line up so perfectly to the wounds she obscures
She doesn’t realize they are a map to who makes us whole

My vow was to never storm this castle she adorns
Believing a perfect world may exist, I tempt the fates
Unleash the slings and sharp arrows, pain and broken bones
The line has been crossed, it’s time for her to open the gates

It was a cliché, smokey country bar
When she crooned into my memory
As I heard a hint of her old accent
From a bygone Virginia residence
Faint and fading but not all gone
In the minstrel’s spell she cast in her song

Life put her on that stage for me
And I begged for her gaze to be on me
To end the long, cold, lonely nights
And as Etta said, at last, this night
She caught my unceasing, tense stare
And right then, she sang only to me

I am just another weary, stymied Sisyphus
Slowly climbing the eternal hill of existence
Finding no rest or crest of contentment
Only the familiar face of failed endeavors

I am so sick of unrewarded undertakings
Give all of yourself to meet stolid silence
Before the boundless boulder recedes again
Dead on my feet, I retreat to the doldrums