***** makes me say the things
I would say if I were brave
***** makes me admit to things
I thought I’d never say
It makes me miss you, makes me frisky
Makes me unafraid so
If I could do anything it would be
Take shots with you
Let things lay and sort them out
With a string of drunken truths
Stay unafraid unlike the every day
And just lie down with you

Always at war with myself
Constantly self-loathing
Lacking in confidence
Blaming my problems
On everybody else
Shutting people out
Is what I'm best at
I'm **** at showing emotion
Although sometimes
My smile cracks
And my pain shows
In my sunken eyes

It's such a pain
Just waking up
Every day
I act like
I'm fine
When in reality
I'm far from
That state of mind
I hide my body
Except my face
So I can fool everyone
With that lie of a smile
That I always embrace
Even though my thoughts
Are always of suffocation
And painful death
No one would know
Because the pain I feel
I never show and tell any soul

I could be smiling so bright
As I'd constantly think
Of the ways I could die
I could laugh out loud
And think of those razor blades
That I'd love to use on my pale skin
But you'd never suspect me thinking of this
Because, there's a lie of a smile on my face

Constantly triggered, yes I am indeed
But that's something you'd never see
Because that's the part of me
That I hide away from every soul
The ones I love mean more to me
Than my own tragic self

I saw you there
And the neon signs and your tears
Reflected in your irises
Made you more beautiful
And the alcoholic haze made me believe
If just one night could work
You could come with me
We could have our happy ending
We could leave this life and place
And your dress ****** from engineers schemes
And I love that forgotten woman
More than the orange trees and John
But for our child she gave her life
And I still love her
That Vietnam Bride