I want priorities
I want to care
Give me a place in this world
No more disappearing
No more going unnoticed
Anchor me I want to stay
Fill my heart
Fill my soul
Help me dispose of my awful ways
Conquer my fears
Fear nothing else
I no longer have to do this by myself

I've run for miles
Run for months
I can't get faster

I'd try to shake
Shake it off
Shake my thoughts
I can't get past her

I've try to make
Make her stay
But It didn't pull through

I'd try to save
Try not to cave
Then I just falter

I am the worst
I have the worst fear
And I surrounder

I've try to fight
Fight myself
Fight an object
Who is my opponent

I want to win
Win her heart
I'm an example of failure

I don't need drugs to help me cope
I drink out of affinity not out of sorrow
All I have are my fist and a obstacle
As my sorrow fights my happiness
Same time I'm fighting a nonliving enemy
At same time I'm fighting bad memories
I make the mistake of letting it get to me
Nothing wrong with blood on the walls
To the sane something not right with me
Replace one pain with another
It reset me or put me back in place
Crash my fist til it hurt then get numb
Pent the animosity in my mind
Physical wounds I incessantly reopen
Emotion always scar me both ways
I'll pray and do thing to lead me away
I'll fake a smile surround myself with good
It a battle with no end or liberation
It give me little rest and very little peace

This poem is for a flower that always makes my day.
I trample on other plants because I’m picky.

Roses I grow tired of, its hard for me to hold them with my caring hands
This flower is different its roots reach out to me and its leaves start to blush.

It smiles at me daily but when I smile I can tell it smiling back.
It’s funny how my skin can’t reflect the sun like yours can.

I’ll rather plant you separate in a *** because they don’t deserve to be next to you.

At the end of a long day I enjoy coming to my garden and lie down with that flower.
Stare into the relaxing clouds and whisper to the flower and say man do I love daisies.

Trying to make this work is sending me to a different direction

When I call your name I usually have someone else in mind.
Every time I come home I aim my frustration and wait for you to start.
  
I know it wrong of me to move on and desire you for my own selfish needs.
And I focus my love to someone else so my lust for you tends to fall back.

When I see the signs of us going at it I feel so pressured to leave.
When I sense the glass of your sanity cracking I only fear that you’re turning back.

I never notice the time and I forget the days when I’m with you.
The days that we are having problems it slow down.

Hanging out with a female is more exciting than with a guy.

It’s nice for a change a girl approach you and look into your eyes.

You hit my arm as you laugh at my joke, you play with my hands and hair and test my strength.
I never understood your intention and why you pick me over everyone else
I never understand why you ask how many woman I been with

I’m so stupid I thought you meant at school or at home

I never lay with a woman before, the thought of it never come to mind

This was something my teacher never prepared me for, this was something you experience after high school.
I was scared at first but you hold my hand and guide me through

As I catch the rhythm my body and spirit went with the flow  

I grab the concept on how to perform and got better I felt like a pro

Thing was getting good but I too cocky and too slow

After every session you remind me this not a relationship
After every relationship I try to avoid another you

You tell me all of your secret, I know everything about you
My horrible habit forcing me to move on

I no longer pay attention to you, their nothing new about you
I’ve done my time with you and it time to let you go

Letting you go made you want me even more
The more of me you want the more intense the rejection

All I do is avoid my eyes when you in sight
The memories sometimes take over and I end up talking to you

I bet you wish for me to crawl on my knees and ask for you back
Reality and fantasy can happened but cannot be mix

Fate had made it clear to me and now your in the list of what I miss
You and I move from one to the next to the next

All I can say is some of them don’t compare

Love have holes it have flaws. Love isn’t the greatest thing. It will keep you waiting and it never stay. It come in many forms. It keep you strong then make you weak. It take you in, it take you for granted, it take your breath and it might even take your life. It can be shared and it spread but it bring out the worst out of you. It make you jealous, it makes you insane, good or bad intention you will still cause pain. Even if you don’t care for other you still have love for yourself but If you don’t someone will offer false love so you can stay a little longer. Love for one, love yours, or love for everyone just know it will end and take a another form again

Who do you go to if you need someone to talk to?

What do you do beside get anger when you are hurt?

How bad are your past stories to make you distrust everyone.

I can only watch you from a distance because you push everyone back so far.

What pressure me to help you and why am I so afraid to reach out and ask if you need it?

I wonder what I have to use to destroy your shields and how many step I have to take to get close to you and hoping you won't take me for granted.

Everyone can easily see your pain through your skin and they can tell from your reaction how much you suffered

What pains me the most knowing their someone else that experiencing the same thing that you endured

So many times I want to tell you hold on because I'm coming to help you.

So many times I see you cry and but all I can do is walk away because I feel so weak to come to your aide.  

Even when I close my eyes all I can see is your face drowning in yours tears and I keep telling myself how much I want to tell you this

I want to tell you to save your tears for me that way when we meet in person you can rest your head on my chest and tell you to drench my chest with your tears

Losing, torture, death, these thing I’m afraid of
Power, strength, ecstasy, I try to attain
Love, ***, pleasure, I always look for it
Jealousy, people, life, I just can’t take it
Family, friends, partners, I lost so many
Trust, secrets, affinity, I will take it for granted
I go through all these emotion. I sometime feel so weak.
I sometimes feel so strong. Being human is sometimes hard but what else can I be?

I understand how it feels to have love in my life
I even accept what it turn me into after all the fights
Start of so well in the beginning that how it get you then put you in a test in the end
My head can never make sense of it, my heart just keep getting scars, and my body walk when thing start to get intense
I can never hate the person that’s involve but just the action between us
After a curtain amount of time another victim I fall in love with and it feels better then what you have
So I can never settle for one person not even two
Past relationships haunts my mind and make me reconsider some future one
but thinking of what wait for me in the future make me want to pursue it more

What you want isn’t the same as what I’m looking for
I push your love aside and go straight to what I desire
I look into my own eyes to seek for something deeper
Also try to abandon my hunger for lust but nothing can stop the real me  
Agreeing to my will give me so much pleasure it feed my pride
So much company the thought of loneliness never come to mind
Don’t blame me for hurting you it just my instincts
If you don’t like the way I treat you why come back for more

I look up to the moon every single night
I've notice we have a lot in common
It's goes through phases some months out of the year
Some days it’s incomplete and take time to be whole again
People may notice it sometimes at night but barely get attention during the day
Certain nights It will be big, bright and almost smiling
Later in the night it'll be small, dim, and it's crescent turn to a frown
I look up and notice the trait we share but it won't look down and wonder the same notion

You said you can read my soul so tell me what words do you see
Why are you the first to see it when everyone else had to listen for it?

Navigate into my eyes and let me see what you see
I help you aim your hand to reach out so you can connect

Don’t get to close and don’t be afraid I want you to be ready by time not by force
I want you to see me under the right light but I fear that light is dimming

Not knowing if you’re doing too much or too little is never good for the mind
The effects of this situation is working its way from my head to the rest of my system

I’ll sell my soul but I did it in the past I’ll rip out my heart but who would I give it to after you
Moving on would be easy to do too bad moving on would lead me to another you

I feel vincible? as always
Can I falter? almost constantly
Am I useless? well sometimes
Am I together? never
Am I content? seldom
Can I change? everyday
Am I steady? just barely
Fall to pieces? still missing
Am I lost? most definitely
Anyone for you? no one

I have will
I have sins
I have thoughts
Both good and bad
I have humanity

I have needs
I have desires
I have wishes
Give me attention
I have wants

I have a short life
I have lived long
It all lead the same path
I have to pay for my faults

I have horns
I have halos
Neither angel or demon
I have fallen

I have sanity
I have insanity
Trouble make it's way
I haven't had a piece of mind

Sometimes I wonder why my head keep positive but the negative take hold of my body
My heart in the right place but I’m in hell

Doing what benefit her I have to drag this situation
Taking this medication to sacrifice my nature

Short fights, great ***, and some sleep make the next day better

Thing are getting better for her and worse for me
She doesn’t have any worries and I’m so focus on the consequence

You swear you can see my halo under the sun light.

But I believe it hang on my horn.

Your presence doesn't have any influence over my will.

My feelings for you doesn't equal to the way your is for me.

Your touch are soft and gentle but doesn't mean much to me.

Your love embrace me in every way but I don't deserve it.

I waste my time on giving you something so false because I devour attention without considering you.

When you stare into my eyes you see my soul.

When I stare into yours I see right through you.

I can no longer watch as you take in something that not real and I can no longer watch myself as I continue my guilty ways.

I wonder if I told you the truth who would suffer more me or you?

Not all wars are fought in other worlds
       Some are fought at home, in relation, even within ourselves
              We carry weapons but they’re not man made
            neither are they visible nor physical
Instead of bullets we shoot words. Instead of knives we stab with betrayal
Instead of dropping bombs we exploit secrets. Instead of bullet proof jackets we build walls but those walls tend to fall.
The depressed are the wounded, the heartbroken are the casualties and those who shed tears are defeated in battle.
We’re not fully armored, we’re not prepared for this. In the front lines we must stand. Forgiveness can’t win this war
We may fight these battles alone but we fight our wars together

Here's to my father who I never met
Never met his other sons or his daughters

The only way to see you, I'll have to be underground and buried
Why the other half of my family feel like they don't care

Sometime I think I long for you, so such things are missing in my life
I think I'm better off without you but I'm so confuse in this world

Sometimes I fear you may hurt me like my mother or even worse
I don't know if you'll understand my pain and hold me in your arms

All I ever heard is that your my father and I remind them of you
I don't know who you are not sure if I want to know

If we do meet just remind me what I'm missing and show me what it like to have a father

We all have something that make us happy or bring us up. Some people think that what make me happy is dangerous or will **** me and I tell them at least I'll die happy

My father where are you when I need you the most. Please forgive me for I am about to lose myself. I'm afraid my other side is winning and I will be lost forever. Without you by my side I will loses all sense of discrimination. Friend, family, and the innocent I will tear them apart all the same. Your words keep me in place and your presence help me hold on to my sanity but now you are gone I have nothing to restrain me. I will break all that is peaceful and bring pain to this world

I strain my eyes wide open while your deep in sleep
I stay awake for your nightmare I will keep

Pulling a world of pain away from you is my intent
I have to serve my time to keep you content

As you live on and I get stronger day by day.
Your selfish and petty battles I will risk my life away.

Whatever my body can take and whatever I can prevent.
I always lift my head and the negative thoughts I pent.

Never ask why try not to make sense of your demand  
I only accept your words and do as I’m command

Never be a night never day will your body hit the ground
For this promise I am still bound

I use metaphors and action to explain what I am in the light
Until time is done with us and death swing his blade, only I can do you right

If I am winter than you are summer, You warm up the heart of everyone while I make them cold and I bring depression.

If I'm the moon then you are the sun, I darken everyone day while you bighten theirs. I make them crazy and you make them sane.

Why are we so opposite what do we have in common, What can you see that I can't see

You stare into the eyes of everyone you talk to while I look away

You open your arms to everyone that need it and I keep mines close and keep my distances

Even though the street may look gray but every step you take the colors from underneath your shoes pave the street

We may be different but we still manage to stay together what can really separate us

Will I exist if I didn't have you or will you exist if you didn't have me

With every existent their an equal opposite

In silence I hear voices
My anger keeps me up at night
Turn me into something that I fear
With your words I put up a fight
With every threat
Vicious things you've said and done
With every attack you've always won
No salvation or anyone to my aide
Things in my mind becomes dark
I patiently wait to lose my mind