I cannot remember my happiness
I can find it in dandelions and sleeping under the sun at just the right peak
I can find it in figures and posters that make me excited but I can’t remember the last time I just went to sleep
When I didn’t crumble beneath the bedsheets
That good day I had was a distant memory
When I want to wake up for tomorrow
Not wishing to stay in my bed
When my excitement becomes disappointment because I have no one to tell
I am happy in a way that makes me sad

Sometimes when you say I love you
I wonder if you drank poison
Because you spit it out
Like it’ll leave a bad after taste

Sometimes I wonder if the stars never shone in your eyes or I lost them in the darkness

This mask of mine remains on my face I can’t remember when I started wearing it
When the “I’m fines”
were anything but
when the stress became to much
I can’t remember why I wear this mask of mine all I know is it’s stuck

I hope someday I’ll be where you are

Somedays I wanted to curl up inside myself and hope ill be born anew
I want to cut myself apart and build myself back up like LEGO blocks
And most days I feel like it can’t get worse that crying becomes painfully when chocking on my tears
My bed is a fortress and I am the princess locked inside or maybe I’m a bird in a cage a prisoner with a ball and chain
I want to die
I won’t sugar coat this saying depression is like falling in love
Or you only hate apart of yourself
I can’t look in my mirror anymore
I hate whatever I wear so I don’t leave the house that way I don’t need to Change
I eat to survive not to taste
I live for another day not my tomorrow
I smile for them not myself
but I’m still here
I’m still here