You wont see me fall
Draining my body with a sword sharpened on both sides
The blood draining and whole in my skin
The safety taken
The protection nonexistent
The i love you words that took place before i had a piece of metal inside me
The gun put to my head and the begging to be dead because the nightmares will never end
I pulled the trigger
I did it
But the bullet was non lethal And when i my body fell it was just from exhaustion
I let the thorns pierce my fingers
The way your sword did
The fear to be in your sites were like being in the line of fire
I run but the bullets faster
The words flowing from your mouth like a type writer on paper just watching to make sure no mistakes are made
But the words you formed
Your a mistake
Im the mistake he said
The cracking of broken bones like the snapping of twigs beneath your feet
Where do you have the right
Where do you have the right to walk this earth with the not insane people
Let the ringing in my ears heard from miles away like my screams that were ignored by police who follow up on the black and blue and the ****** proof
These green eyes have to be covered they are so seductive
YOU are seductive
In the body that you never gave away he claimed
and  want to destroy
PLEASE pull the trigger
PLEASE shove the blade deeper
But my body always held me up and the people always watched me while i was in the lake drowning
My hand reaching out and their eyes locked on my fingers blue like the sky behind the bird flying that you dream to be
BANG but it was the wall this time and not my head sadly
The cracking noise is back in my ears that ring from my head being slammed into the wall or the concrete floor that my blood drained all over.
But oh the smell of the rubbing alcohol that you loved to press against the inflicted continuous pain that you caused
Can you get the gun
why
because just do it already why threaten the life you've taken already from the soul that reached its breaking point
The soul walked out its just a body now
A body that jumped at the first cliff it sees
The waves crashing over it as it sinks deeper and deeper with the chains that it put on itself
Its not ******.

I'll wait and watch as a flower blooms
The flower that blooms on the cactus in the middle of a desert
As it slowly opens up into something so beautiful
I'll ***** my fingers on the thorns just for the simple taste of beauty within the flower

I remember when the world was so vibrant.
Pictures with flows of color
Dresses
Flowers
Before my eyes went on strike
The world was beautiful
Now in black and white.
I’m in an old movie
Waiting for my eyes to yell “action”
And everything becomes vibrant again
But this old movie is here to stay
And I remember and cherish the vibrancy.
I cherish the vibrancy

Feels like my heads going to explode
My bodies a ticking time bomb
These fists hitting the ground wondering where each land mine is.
There’s a tank in my heart shooting these emotions everywhere.
I’m wondering where I’m going to land
If I’ll be in pieces in the end
Which explosive device is going to go off ?
My brain?
My heart?
My mouth?
These eyes ?
Wondering if my temper is going to get the better of me and click this button and end it all.
I’m clutching the gun closer to my chest
Where will I aim ?
Where will it land?

Don't tell me you know the pain I'm feeling
When the breath isn't breathing
and I'm still bleeding
and my baby isn't crying

When there is no rise and fall
and the nurses walk out and go in the hall

When her blue eyes close
And I count all her toes

When I kiss her forehead
When I cant tuck her in and put her to bed

When the life I gave is put to rest
And all my faith is put to the test

When I say goodbye
13 minutes after saying hi

So please
Don't compare the death of my child to the death of your dog
It's not liking losing a family member
although I'm not disregarding your pain
just please don't compare it

My daughter was here on this earth
too beautiful for this life
Too good to be an ordinary person

She had to be an angel
and I had to let her go.

Hope Elizabeth Jane
R.I.P.
07.28.2014

I just saw your name
And **** what a shame
You’re still breathing

I keep looking for this on and off switch in my head.
Turning corners
Wondering where the switch is.
Those switches are for my emotions
But I can’t seem to find the right one.
There’s no labels
It’s like going through a fuse box and looking down the hall way to see which switch turns off which room
But this isn’t a room
And there’s no switch to stop all this.