My best friend came along unexpected.
we just ended up talking even though we hated each other at first
My best friend had my back. she made sure to stand by me every time.
My best friend put my pieces back together when I didn't think it was possible.
She came in and saw my bruises and ****** noses.
She saw the tears at night and pain in my eyes
She was there.
She helped me
when I had no one and felt all alone
she was my person.
She had patience when I was wasn't the best.
she had love when I had none
She had faith for the both of us when mine was running low.
She picked up the 90 when all I had was 10
and she still does to this day.
My best friend is gods blessing to me.
My best friend is Maryjane.
Yep that's her name
and shes my best friend
shes my sister.

I bet you don't know that you saved me
I bet you don't know that you make me feel better than I ever have before
I bet you don't know that your the reason I'm still here
As I sat looking through my messages to people to say goodbye to
I bet you don't know that going back and giving you my number was not what I expected to do
But I did and you made me smile and you helped me through the night I wasn't supposed to make it through
I bet you don't know that I woke up the next morning because for some reason something finally felt right
It felt like someone cared
I bet you don't know that when I say I love you
I truly mean it and you have no clue just how much my heart longs for  you
I bet you don't know just how much I would do to keep you in my life
Because I'd be beaten again
and broken again and hurt again
and shattered again and scared again
As long as the end result was the way I feel when I have you
When I talk to you
When I am held by you
I bet you don't know that you've helped me so much more that you could ever imagine
Because you care and I need that
Because you're funny and after everything I've been through I need that
My smile has recovered
Its back
I bet you don't know the impact you have on my life
But I know that I'm going to try my best to make yours amazing
I know you know I love you
But I bet you don't know how much
I bet a million on you

Don't tell me you know the pain I'm feeling
When the breath isn't breathing
and I'm still bleeding
and my baby isn't crying

When there is no rise and fall
and the nurses walk out and go in the hall

When her blue eyes close
And I count all her toes

When I kiss her forehead
When I cant tuck her in and put her to bed

When the life I gave is put to rest
And all my faith is put to the test

When I say goodbye
13 minutes after saying hi

So please
Don't compare the death of my child to the death of your dog
It's not liking losing a family member
although I'm not disregarding your pain
just please don't compare it

My daughter was here on this earth
too beautiful for this life
Too good to be an ordinary person

She had to be an angel
and I had to let her go.

Hope Elizabeth Jane
R.I.P.
07.28.2014

You wont see me fall
Draining my body with a sword sharpened on both sides
The blood draining and whole in my skin
The safety taken
The protection nonexistent
The i love you words that took place before i had a piece of metal inside me
The gun put to my head and the begging to be dead because the nightmares will never end
I pulled the trigger
I did it
But the bullet was non lethal And when i my body fell it was just from exhaustion
I let the thorns pierce my fingers
The way your sword did
The fear to be in your sites were like being in the line of fire
I run but the bullets faster
The words flowing from your mouth like a type writer on paper just watching to make sure no mistakes are made
But the words you formed
Your a mistake
Im the mistake he said
The cracking of broken bones like the snapping of twigs beneath your feet
Where do you have the right
Where do you have the right to walk this earth with the not insane people
Let the ringing in my ears heard from miles away like my screams that were ignored by police who follow up on the black and blue and the ****** proof
These green eyes have to be covered they are so seductive
YOU are seductive
In the body that you never gave away he claimed
and  want to destroy
PLEASE pull the trigger
PLEASE shove the blade deeper
But my body always held me up and the people always watched me while i was in the lake drowning
My hand reaching out and their eyes locked on my fingers blue like the sky behind the bird flying that you dream to be
BANG but it was the wall this time and not my head sadly
The cracking noise is back in my ears that ring from my head being slammed into the wall or the concrete floor that my blood drained all over.
But oh the smell of the rubbing alcohol that you loved to press against the inflicted continuous pain that you caused
Can you get the gun
why
because just do it already why threaten the life you've taken already from the soul that reached its breaking point
The soul walked out its just a body now
A body that jumped at the first cliff it sees
The waves crashing over it as it sinks deeper and deeper with the chains that it put on itself
Its not ******.

Not from my body
Not of my blood
But a piece of my heart.
A princess
Who calls me auntie

No one wants to tell the truth
Like it doesnt get better
You just figure out a way to keep going
Feeling the same feelings
Thinking the same things
Breathing the same air
It hasnt changed time just went by
But time isnt healing these wounds
Times passing
And I'm lacking the strength it takes for me to even begin to want to stay here breathing
This hot air on my face
This huge hole in my heart
This pain in my chest
This darkness clouding my head
Circling and making me dizzy
But its okay it gets better
But it doesnt
They will say it to you but its not true
You will only mask how the heart break feels with people or hobbies
but people walk out
and hobbies get boring
so then your left alone to deal with the thoughts in your head
Can you deal with head
Being inside there
Like  a horror movie with no end
You just fell and now your dead
But hey is it all that bad
It doesnt get better
Ill give you the truth that others dont want to give you
IT DOESNT GET BETTER.
but you could try shock therapy