But **** me right? **** the fact that I shake so badly, scream so loudly, rocking myself back and forth so quickly
Crying so much that hopefully someone can understand that its not me its the pain.
I've said it once and ill say it again to be beaten
would be better than sitting here and dealing with the mental pain.
Hit me punch me kick me break me
Break my broken pieces and take them and shatter those too
Break me in a way that people would fear
Come on end me.
Break me down till those pieces turn into dust.
Let me free in the wind.
It would be better than this
Break me right now break me down into a pit of nothingness
Break me like you broke all your promises
"I'll never do it again" "I promise"
Break me down cut me open
Show the world and let them know
Let them know that I've been broken
A poem needs to rhyme, that's the rules
Where were the rules then ?
When i was being broken where were they?
It seems like there weren't any
There were no rules when it came to him breaking me
He had permission.
There was no evidence
My bruised skin wasn't enough
My busted lip and broken ribs weren't enough
I used to look out widows and watch the birds fly from tree to tree
I wanted to be free like the birds
To not have too worry about being broken or bruised
To fly above the clouds
But I was soon brought back to earth and I didn't know why
I didn't know why then but I do no.
I know now that i would win the fight and that my dust would mold into something so beautiful a creation so admirable
I fought and my broken pieces slowly magnetically pull it's selves back together again.
I soon became the birds that I admired so much
Free
I am free

I bet you don't know that you saved me
I bet you don't know that you make me feel better than I ever have before
I bet you don't know that your the reason I'm still here
As I sat looking through my messages to people to say goodbye to
I bet you don't know that going back and giving you my number was not what I expected to do
But I did and you made me smile and you helped me through the night I wasn't supposed to make it through
I bet you don't know that I woke up the next morning because for some reason something finally felt right
It felt like someone cared
I bet you don't know that when I say I love you
I truly mean it and you have no clue just how much my heart longs for  you
I bet you don't know just how much I would do to keep you in my life
Because I'd be beaten again
and broken again and hurt again
and shattered again and scared again
As long as the end result was the way I feel when I have you
When I talk to you
When I am held by you
I bet you don't know that you've helped me so much more that you could ever imagine
Because you care and I need that
Because you're funny and after everything I've been through I need that
My smile has recovered
Its back
I bet you don't know the impact you have on my life
But I know that I'm going to try my best to make yours amazing
I know you know I love you
But I bet you don't know how much
I bet a million on you

I've built a prison around me
Torture chambers no one can see
Inhaling mustard gas like oxygen
But not dying
Lying around seeing chains and metal bars
Inmates waiting to lunge at my throat
I am the prisoner in my own prison
Chained to the walls of my room that wont collapse
Chains that wont break
There's no mask here
I inhale every toxic fume slowly dying day by day
falling around stumbling on even grounds
This prison is my own
And I chain myself to these walls in the torture chamber inhaling the mustard gas while lying cold, scared, and soon to be murdered by the words in my head also known as my inmates.

I've realized that I have no control of my life
Instead I'm being stabbed and drained by depression with the knife  permanently set into my chest
My body always seems to find its way back to my bed in a pool of blood only imagined in my head
You tell me go out and have fun but I cant have fun when if I don't want to have fun it just turns out not being fun
I come back worse and you wonder why
I try to explain
It's like depression has control of my life pumping air into my lungs but it holds the pump clutched
Keeping me from taking another breath.
Suffocating me
"Oh your over exaggerating"
No! I'm trying to let you in on a piece of me that depression hasn't consumed
Then BOOM
Depression grabs me by the hair pulling me in
closing me off from the conversation and I'm back to bed where my body seems to be nothing more than a corpse used for puppetry
My depression is killing me
"Don't claim it"
I am not claiming it
Its claimed me
I need you to open your eyes
I need you to hear me
I need you to see for me
Because depression has taken over all of my senses
And ill be stuck here till the next word or sentence