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Katlynn Grilli Jan 2019
You don't want to die
But you don't want to breathe
You pop another one so you don't have to think
Lets mix it with a drink
You don't know what's happened
All you know right now
Is that you don't want to feel
Your mind is on a ride that's broken with no end
Your thoughts are full of negativity and your messages wont send
You keep pushing through another day
Hoping it gets better
Hiding what your mind created behind a smile
Being polite
Thank you
Yes ma'am, no ma'am
But **** its been a while
Its been a while since I felt good
Even with love in the air
I'm nothing but scared and I don't know why

He seems like the right guy
You keep hitting all the buttons and getting no outcome

Its not working so maybe I'll hit the big red one
So something but and don't regret it
But my mind wont work that way
And it wont let me forget it
I'm going crazy
I'm going insane
What am I crying for when I'm to blame?

How does this world keep moving
when someone is falling and bruising
I can beg and beg you to please don't do this
Don't make my mind any worse than it already is
Don't make me want to stop being who I am
And right now I'm alive
I've got nothing to live for
My head has taken over and right now there isn't much
I do what I can
I help and I help but I cant help myself
I'm begging and begging
Please let me out
I'm destroying what I fought for and I'm plummeting fast
I don't know what to do
And I don't know if I can last
Last another day feeling this way
Or lasting one more night and not feeing the pain
My minds a battlefield
Everything is exploding
But what can I do I just cant keep coping?
Katlynn Grilli Jan 2019
I've realized that I have no control of my life
Instead I'm being stabbed and drained by depression with the knife  permanently set into my chest
My body always seems to find its way back to my bed in a pool of blood only imagined in my head
You tell me go out and have fun but I cant have fun when if I don't want to have fun it just turns out not being fun
I come back worse and you wonder why
I try to explain
It's like depression has control of my life pumping air into my lungs but it holds the pump clutched
Keeping me from taking another breath.
Suffocating me
"Oh your over exaggerating"
No! I'm trying to let you in on a piece of me that depression hasn't consumed
Then BOOM
Depression grabs me by the hair pulling me in
closing me off from the conversation and I'm back to bed where my body seems to be nothing more than a corpse used for puppetry
My depression is killing me
"Don't claim it"
I am not claiming it
Its claimed me
I need you to open your eyes
I need you to hear me
I need you to see for me
Because depression has taken over all of my senses
And ill be stuck here till the next word or sentence

— The End —