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Kara Jean Jun 2016
Genetically built ******, so they say
Christian dysfunctional stability,
wasn't helping
A mom praying every night for a force reckoning
Shoving me into the light,
I've already seen
A mothers nightmare,
already in the making
I convinced myself:
Compulsive
Impulsive and
Explosive
Creates constructive thinking
I guess what I'm saying is,
"**** it, I'm unique"
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Letting people take control of my emotional state
I did something I told myself was probaby fake
I got on my knees and prayed to a God I wasn't sure would answer me
He did
He forgave me for the stupid **** I've become
Showing me it was time to move on
Breaking the cycle
It's human nature to want to help others
We can not help those who use, "the victim disease"
We all have our profound struggles
We should use them to grow, not become weakend bitter and filled with anger
A soul devouring our goals
I wanted some kind of complex defining way to move on
Instead the personal feelings are gone
I pick and choose the pieces I want to keep
Everything else is sitting in the fire pit, waiting to be incinerated
Kara Jean Jun 2016
The phone ringed, I gazed at the screen.
I had never seen the number before.
Baffled, I handed it over to my handsome husband.
"Answer it," shoving it towards his head.
He hurried and said "hello, who is calling."
He looked at me blank and weirdly saying "I will grab her. Wait briefly."
His eyes blazed into me, "it's your grandma."
Shaken, I said, "Hello."
She did a joyful, "hello Kara Jean."
Determined to figure out what was happening.
I proudly said, " you must have the wrong number both my grandmas are dead."
She replied "I'm so sorry what a coincidence.
My granddaughter is also Kara Jean.
I swear we've been here once before."
Giggling I commented, "that's remarkably crazy. I'm not remembering."
Silence hit the air.
The old cracked voice women said, "or maybe it's just your grandma calling from heaven to tell you she loves you."  
My throat being choked nothing would really be announced.
Finally my voice complied, " What did you just say I'm not comprehending."  
An earth shattering laugh went over the phone, "You sound pretty amazing.
I know if you were my grand baby,
I would be proud to be graced by you."
Words failed me being a first.
Before I could get it together enough to say what the hell is happening.
She exclaimed hastily,
"I must be on my way, "know your grandmas undeniably love you."
Click went the phone gone with no trace.
Uncontrollable tears gushing out of my face.
Reacting as if everything was falling away from my body.
Was I hallucinating.
Could someone been playing a cruel joke?
Who would have the audacity.
Considering, could it have truly been a toll free call from heaven.
Kara Jean Jun 2016
u love and hate my being
A persona of tainted goods
Everything you've ever seen expresses an opinion against me
Sincerety is killing
No longer renewed
Broken is where we all need to be
Confused is full of beautiful possibilities
The "new population" is exciting
Circles are blinding
Keep being you
Kara Jean Jun 2016
Denial ponders its motion in rewind
Fire is mesmerizing, the touch is relentless
Forgiveness for most is a word,
Others believe it is a religious belief
Energy negative or positive,
You choose your understanding
Kara Jean Jun 2016
The wheel clinched tight

Fingers numb and white

Hyperventilating

Counting to ten

Anxieties curse

Mind, a devine quality

Over....
Thinking

A flash of death as her passengers lay lifeless

Death

She pictures faces

A ****** mess

Stillness

Everyone sits singing and unblemished

A true definition of mangled point of view

A routine her mind has provided

Someone else hits the petal accelerating

She is familiar with picturing the world dying

She is now stamped with, "I'm part of the ****** up society"

Stay clear

She is endearing

The tea cup world believes she is dangerous
Kara Jean Jun 2016
A hail storm of tears roll down your chest
I feel you are near
Your warmness wasn't sincere
Harness your empathy and color clear
Pierce the molded statue held together by strong glue and fear
You seem to be ignoring the address
Instead you only here muddled up curses of vulnerability
Hurt feelings you developed as a system to keep you safe
Creating a type of gunk around your face
It's thick film is nothing but a temper angry
I am sorry no one assisted you in modifing your animosity
You will forever be stuck immature and hating
You could always let go of resentment and regret

but then

You would have to forgive
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