Here we are again,
in the same places–
kneeled over–
staring down at the
very knife that gutted us.

The blood is gone,
wiped clean from the blade;
shining and clear and gleaming
now like it is brand new
in the dim light.

How many times must we
impale ourselves
before understanding sets in,
before we realize we are
bleeding out again
beside the bed.

I cry not for me
but for you
desperately achieving the goals of society
unknowingly striving for acceptance
when all you need is yourself
fighting fire with fire
when all you need is a taste of rain
your hunger for power and cruelty does not suprise me
but only you, yourself, can change
how you perceive the expectations of life and society
for evil does not have to consume your soul
nor is it needed to accomplish any tasks
all you need is some light in your dark pathway
and maybe, just maybe, you can one day learn to love

This is a ghost town,
filled with ex-lovers
and former friends.

Drowning in denial
Never to see one another
again.

This is a lost town,
where young hearts wander,
desperately clinging to their past.

We push and we pull
Pull and we push
But moments never last.

A forbidden town --
the town of my heart.
The town that closed its gates on you
As soon as we fell apart.

                         *-lf-

Bruises, they fade.
But these memories
...will stay

that night we lit up on her roof and watched the smoke dance in the vibrant black sky. her eyes are blending into the pure absence of light and i’m hopelessly lost. there’s an ash resting on her pale hair and i keep thinking i want to blow it away but i can’t move or she might disappear. her small calloused hands are waving a flame too close to my face but i can’t leave those two spots of endless, endlessly infinite, swirling darkness and i feel my cheeks singe. my skin is bubbling and melting and she’s catching the drops in the curve of her left palm. my muscles have still forgotten how to stretch. my limbs are carved from ice but my face, my face is burning and the tongue of her lighter is lapping at my eyelashes. my forgotten cigarette is burned to the filter and i let the glowing tip fall to my thigh. i’ve torn my eyes away but they bleed because in those moments we had fused together. i’m fixed on her mouth now, and it’s the face of my sister, no, it’s the lips of my kindergarten teacher on the day she whispered that her cancer was consuming her and never she never came back, but no, her features are sliding and it’s her again. it was always her. it was her face all along but i’ve flinched and she’s a stain on the ground.

You were simply sunshine in its purest form, and I, simply a shadow, a place where your rays did not reach, a creeping silhouette that trailed after you and grabbed after your own ambitions in bitter hopes to understand you clearer, but to no avail. I knew you, but only because you refused to know me. I thought I understood your motivation in neglecting me after all those months of laughter, but I later understood that what had kindled within me was simply a burial ground for all of your past memories you'd wished to discard somewhere no one else would ever find. I knew you'd forget about me the second you forgot about them, and I was okay with it. I was okay with holding on to your burdens and your troubles and your sorrow if it meant you'd understand happiness for once in life (and even if I was not the one who gave it to you).