JustHayy

JustHayy Sep 2018

Brother

Dear brother

I don’t know
what it’s like to carry
the weight
of your world.

But on my shoulders
The weight of my world
is near paralyzing.

And the freedom
I felt
After the baggage
Was lifted off of
My crippled being,
Was indescribable.

I only wish you too
Would feel the burdens
Released;

That you can
Stand
Once more,
With out your knees buckling
Underneath
Your lifeless corpse.

That you would
Lift
Your head,
to the sky and taste the freedom
Of fresh air
Filling your vacant lungs.

Oh brother,
Rock bottom,
Is just a beautiful place
In which you find
Yourself,
Once more.

-JustHayy

JustHayy Sep 2018

Tonight

In my chest
Tiny capsules
Heavy shadows
Thickset fog
Sharp crisp air

Cutting my
breath
Weighing me
down
Blurring my
brain
Altering this reality
Maybe
I won’t think of you
Tonight

JustHayy Sep 2018

lies i tell myself while pretending i’m not thinking about you...

lies i tell myself while pretending i’m not thinking about you...

“i’m okay in this skin”

i tried to convince myself
flash backs
and memories
screaming
in my skin
where you
used to be
fiery emptiness
hollow to the core

“i’m better off without you”

i can barely mutter out loud
without you..
as if it would be
possible
for my being to
exist
with out yours

“i don’t need you”

i started to say
to the wind
going through reruns
spinning endless
in my head
as if there has been
anything more
essential
for my survival
than having you

“i don’t want you”

as if I haven’t spent
eight hundred and ninety-two days
craving
the taste of your lips
against my neck
just once more
not counting the days
before i called you
mine
before i entangled
myself
in your webs

“it’ll get easier”

i remind my so flatly
knowing
i’ll never believe that
as if the longing
has even started
to ease up or loosen
the chains between
my soul and yours.
as if i will ever be set free
from the captivity
of your clutch
as if the gravity will ever
cease to pull me
into you

“i’m okay in this skin”

i spoke so sadly
remembering
when i first spoke
those words
i almost for
one moment
believed that the
contentment
was real
in my skin
deep in my bones
i almost believed you.

JustHayy Sep 2018

Tar.

She didn't
understand
the weight she carried
in her heavy
heart,
until the moment
she felt the freedom
rush in,
and fill her tar black lungs
with life.

JustHayy Sep 2018

Abyss.

Abyss.

I heard you say

My name

I looked up

Expecting to meet your gaze

But they weren’t eyes.

They were oceans.

Salty Blues

Seaweed greens

A pale hint of sand

Cracking through the seams

Oh and the waves.

Pushing and pulling

Flooding my soul

Suffocating me

Stealing my breath

I didn’t even gasp for air

I just let go.

Drowning

Sinking

Dancing

Weightlessly

Floating through the abyss.

Waiting to be

Still forever

Finding rest

On the ocean floor.

JustHayy Sep 2018

Sister

let’s write poems
together
tell each other
secrets

stay up all night
it’s the only way
to keep it

let’s scrap book
forever
glue in
all the pieces

photograph
memories

rough-draft
remedies

the trials
and errors

The nows
and nevers

Let’s write poems
together
of life without
regrets

JustHayy Sep 2018

Cold.

Cold.

It was cold today.

       It is always cold.

Not outside

But in my soul.

I am the cold.

Frozen. Barren. Winter.

Waiting,
   For icy glaciers
   to warm up and melt away
        All the pale parts of me.

Waiting
   For little flowers
   to sprout up and peek out
        From my hungry bones.

I am cold.

I’m winter and waiting.

Longing for spring.

Longing for being.

In my frigid corpse.


-JustHayy

— The End —