Kasha

Beautiful nine year old

Seemingly unaware

Of this big harsh world

I admire your courage

Watching you stand out

Refusing to blend in with the crowd

Not caring what others think

No matter what they say

Just doing your own little thing

I wish I could protect you

From the pains of growing up

At the same time I back away

Knowing my selfish actions

Hurt you more then anything

Kasha,

I wish the best for you

I know I’m not the sister you want

Or the sister you deserve

Just remember one thing

You’re part of the reason

I want to change

To become the sister you want me to be

I love you Kasha

Knocking me down

Don’t build me up so **** high

If you’re just going to keep knocking me down

Face first into the cold hard ground

Then act like you’re sorry

Yet, avoiding my eyes

So I’ll reach for your hand

Just barely alive

With that sweet smile upon your lips

Little do I know that just beyond it sits

Your cruel and evil desire that blinds me

While you lead me higher and higher

Till we get to the top of the tower

Where you push me back over the edge

No time to think about my fall ahead.

Lie Awake

Do you ever lie awake at night thinking about someone?

I know how it goes,

You hope maybe they’re lying awake too

Maybe they can’t get you out of their head

Do they think of you half as much as you do them?

You find yourself asking,

Why does it hurt so bad?

How did everything go so wrong?

You can see their face, so clearly, in your head.

You talk out loud

As if they’re standing right in front of you

All the words you wish you could say

Spill out into the empty air

You weep and laugh at the memories you have of them

Do they have those memories to?

Do they even remember you?

You finally just stare into the dark sky

Fresh hot tears shining in your eyes

Tears that person will never see

Thoughts and words they’ll never hear

So why….

Why do you still hold them so dear?

Because you hope that over the years

They’ll come home

Dry your tears

Replacing them with laughs and cheers

Yes… I know just how bad this feels.

I know how it feels to lie awake thinking about them.

Like mother like daughter

Without a face to the name

The saying ‘like mother like daughter’

Shall never be the same

How can I know if I’m following her path

If I can’t even remember

When she called last

How can I ever know if I’m anything like her

When she won’t let me in

She won’t share the secrets she holds so tight

About the past

My past

Everything she’s kept within

If I’m destined to be like my mother

How will I know?

Will I end up reading a poem

Written by my own daughter?

Will she sprawl her words and tears

About how she spends her own life wondering

When and if she’ll meet her mother

How will she know when she’s really loved?

Am I becoming my mother?

It’s almost here
Christmas time once more
This year it’s different
I’ll be 18 in 24 days
Officially an adult
Expected to act like one
It’s almost as if people think
This day magically makes you mature
That’s not the case
I’m still hung up on things
Things that I was promised
Things I was told
Things that have yet to happen
And things I did in the past
I’m not ready to be an adult yet
I can barely keep my temper at work
Never mind adding on bills and college
Part of me wants to go back in time
Be 10 years old again
But then I remember
When I was ten all I wanted was to be 18
To be treated like an adult
To have people ask me when they don’t know things
Instead of being the clueless kid
At least I know I’ll always be his babygirl
His little girl, his princess, his whole world
That when being an adult gets too hard
All I have to do is ask for some little time
I can go back to being a kid again
******* my thumb, eating spaghetti O’s
Just relaxing without worries.
So as my 18th birthday approaches
I remind myself that it is just another day
There is no rule book for the day you turn 18
Nor is there a manual to life
So I’ll just enjoy the feeling it’ll give me.