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Julieann Jonson Jan 2019
I remember.

I remember everything.
Every little detail.
I was young, to young.
I was just a child.
Why would you do something like this to a child.

I remember.

It was February 9th, about a week after my birthday.
I remember watching cartoons in my brothers room.
I was eating an apple, a green apple.
Sitting in a red fold up lawn chair for kids.
I faintly remember the smell of your cologne.
You told me we were playing a game.

I remember.

I fell for your game.
Get on the bed you say, let’s play!
I remember you taking off my clothes.
Blue jean shorts and grey T-shirt.
The way your hands touched my skin.
Your breath on my body.

I remember.

I know now the things you did below my waist.
You left when my parents got home from work.
The day went on like normal.
My mum gave me a bath, put me in my pajamas.
We were in the living room watching television.
I had asked for a banana.

I remember.

I told my mum what you did to me.
About the game we played.
Sitting in a room full of grownups I don’t know.
Answering questions that I don’t want to.
Being without my parents.
Feeling guilty and ashamed.

I remember.

Even now 19 years later.
I remember all of those things.
I can’t forget those things.
I want to forget those things.
You did this to me.
I will always remember.

I’ll remember.

I am a victim.
I am a fighter.
I will survive.
I will remember you.
I will never fall for those games.
It has been 19 years.

19 years...
Julieann Jonson Jan 2019
Have you ever felt unsure,
unsure about yourself.
How you wear glasses and that you have freckles.
How everyone says you’re overweight.
When they say your pants fit to “tightly”
Do you feel broken at times?
Like you don’t belong.
Wondering what others think of you.
Am I beautiful?
I mean I think I am.
I may have glasses and freckles.
My pants may accentuate my curves.
Yes I may be all of those things.
So what!
If you don’t like me when I’m “broken”,
then you don’t deserve me when I’m “beautiful”.
What even is being beautiful?
When you embrace your flaws.
We are all beautiful and broken.

I am beautifully broken.
Julieann Jonson Jan 2019
You.
Are.
Never.
Alone.

You.
Are.
Beautiful.

You.
Are.
Extraordinary.

You.
Are.
Human.
Julieann Jonson Jan 2019
You
There is something about you
About the way you hide your smile
The way you love to dance when no one is watching
Something about the way your eyes make me melt
The way you laugh
How tall you are
The way you trust even after just meeting
There’s something about you that keeps pulling me in
Could it be that I can’t help but blush when you look at me
I can’t put my finger on it
There’s something that makes me want you
Something about you that I crave
I keep writing about you
You are something I can’t get out of my head
There is something about you
You are incredible
You are everything that I need right now
You are just you!
Julieann Jonson Jan 2019
Saying all of my feelings
Empty is my heart
Emotional, very
Maybe, no I am falling
Eager for him to catch me
Julieann Jonson Jan 2019
A question we ask ourselves everyday
Why did we wake up today?
Why do we say the things we say?
Why do we do the things we do?
Why do we have feelings?
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we go to work?
Why do we breath?
Why do we dream?
Why do we sleep?
Why do we eat?
Why are there trees?
Why do we see colors?
Why is the sky blue and the grass green?
Why do we think?
Why do we have fingers and toes?
Why do we have heart attack’s ?
Why do we have to die?
Why can’t we live forever?
Why do we love?
Why do we exist?

Why do we always ask why?
Julieann Jonson Jan 2019
Today I had a tough day
A day I can’t decide how I feel
A day I was once looking forward to

Today I am nervous
Nervous that you read my poem
Nervous about how you felt if you did

Today I tried to hide
Hide from you finding out the truth
Hiding the way you make my cheeks hurt from smiling

Today my body ached
My fingers tingled with the touch of your cold hands
My stomach felt odd for I know was butterflies

Today I lied
I lied about my feelings
I lied about my answers

Today I was jealous
Jealous of your friendships
Jealous of how you don’t feel the way I feel?

Today I am sorry
Sorry for bothering you
Sorry for feeling and acting the way I do when around you

Today I wish I wasn’t me
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