I am not okay.
And that’s okay.
Time stands still.
For you perhaps not.
Here, right now. Time stood still.
A deep breath in.
Out when the clock strikes midnight.
A clean break to a brand new day.
The moon is high in the sky.
A few stars peeking between the dusting of clouds.
Owls hooing in the trees.
Enjoying the little things.
Laying here in darkness.
Listening to the sounds of the wind scraping the roof.
For that spilt second worry about nothing.
Let emotions out the window.
Let your body relax.
Open your mind to the possibilities of tomorrow.
For tomorrow is right now.
Go to sleep knowing you’ve made it another day.
Hopefully it’s as spectacular as the day before.
But there’s always tomorrow.
I remember everything.
Every little detail.
I was young, to young.
I was just a child.
Why would you do something like this to a child.
It was February 9th, about a week after my birthday.
I remember watching cartoons in my brothers room.
I was eating an apple, a green apple.
Sitting in a red fold up lawn chair for kids.
I faintly remember the smell of your cologne.
You told me we were playing a game.
I fell for your game.
Get on the bed you say, let’s play!
I remember you taking off my clothes.
Blue jean shorts and grey T-shirt.
The way your hands touched my skin.
Your breath on my body.
I know now the things you did below my waist.
You left when my parents got home from work.
The day went on like normal.
My mum gave me a bath, put me in my pajamas.
We were in the living room watching television.
I had asked for a banana.
I told my mum what you did to me.
About the game we played.
Sitting in a room full of grownups I don’t know.
Answering questions that I don’t want to.
Being without my parents.
Feeling guilty and ashamed.
Even now 19 years later.
I remember all of those things.
I can’t forget those things.
I want to forget those things.
You did this to me.
I will always remember.
I am a victim.
I am a fighter.
I will survive.
I will remember you.
I will never fall for those games.
It has been 19 years.
Have you ever felt unsure,
unsure about yourself.
How you wear glasses and that you have freckles.
How everyone says you’re overweight.
When they say your pants fit to “tightly”
Do you feel broken at times?
Like you don’t belong.
Wondering what others think of you.
Am I beautiful?
I mean I think I am.
I may have glasses and freckles.
My pants may accentuate my curves.
Yes I may be all of those things.
If you don’t like me when I’m “broken”,
then you don’t deserve me when I’m “beautiful”.
What even is being beautiful?
When you embrace your flaws.
We are all beautiful and broken.
I am beautifully broken.
I sit staring
My mind is bare.
No words on my page.
As doodles fill the emptiness.
No rhyme or reason.
No secrets to spill.
My thoughts usually overflowing onto the page.
Today it feels as if my mind is not my own.
An imposter has taken over,
stolen my thoughts.
My brain is motionless,
my hands lifeless.
Unable to imagine.
White and blue lines.
No letters, words.
Not even a scribble.
All that I have are these blank pages.
As the sky is blue
The grass is greener
No one knows which way the wind blows
We tell our story
Through words written on paper
Our toughest days
Sadden by death
Joys to the rest
Confronting our fears never the less
Let’s be happy through all of our pain
The sadness will disappear
Black bruises fade to shades of blue
Making others happy for we all belong in a zoo
Not really sure what this is...
Tall, handsome, sweet and shy
Looking into those eyes like the sea
How I wish I could kiss those lips sweeter then tea
Butterflies come around everytime you are near
Can’t help myself from smiling ear to ear
Blushing at every word you speak
A feeling I’ve truly never felt before
May it just be me, all in my head
These questions we ask each other?
Remembering each day that age is just a number
To shy to say what I am really feeling
So I say to you a good day and good evening
In a room full of darkness.
Open your eyes.
The light will find you.
Falling hard for things I should not
Falling for happiness
Falling for something that will never exist
Falling for you
I am falling
Feeling things that I should not
Feeling content when around you
Feeling guilty for feeling those feelings
Feeling that I truly have fallen for you
I am feeling
Failing at hiding my emotions
I am failing
Failing to see if what I am feeling may be wrong
I am failing to see if you feel the same
Do you feel the same?
Falling and feeling free when I am around you
Am I wrong for feeling free?
Freer then I’ve ever felt before
You make falling and failing feel so freeing
I am falling
I am feeling
I am failing, but above all
I am Free.
Blueish clear waters.
Pebbles on the bottom.
Green leafy bits to the side.
A castle built for one?
Never caring about their surroundings.
Clam and quiet.
Ever so often blowing bubbles.
Swimming and sleeping.
Taken advantage of for being so oblivious.
Never given the love they deserve.
Takes what they get, lives with it.
Alone in a fishbowl.
Feeding ourselves often.
Loving each other freely.
Wishing to be in an ocean full of gold fishes.
Laugh a little.
Make someone smile.
Remember where you came from.
Never forget yourself.
Animals are basically people.
Life is tough.
You are here for a reason.
Time will tell.
Never give up.
to the silent
raindrops ever so
gently falling chaotically.
Numbing as they touch my skin.
They are timeless, ordinarily unique.
I am amazed at how relaxing and calming
these tiny spherical drops of water are. Refreshing.
The best way to wake. Splish splashing to the ground.
Simply falling from the sky. Different shades of blue.
Rainbows and sunsets of many colors hiding behind
clouds of grey. Thunder & lightening tend to almost
always follow. So sit and listen to the sounds
and breath in all the smells of fresh
So quiet you can hear coyotes howling in the distance.
So dark you can’t tell when your eyes are open.
You lye in bed thinking.
Why can’t I just close my eyes?
Why can’t I fall asleep?
Why are there different shades of darkness?
My eyes open, burning to be closed.
Eyelids begin to get heavy.
My body begins to relax.
I am numb.
Sleep is calling my name.
Now I am awake for it is the next day.
Shapes of many.
Illuminated wall decorations.
Paintings made from shards of glass.
Stories among each piece.
Colors of different meanings.
Red belongs to the blood of Christ.
Love/hate to fill these pieces.
The color brown brings death and abandonment.
Copper strands to mend them together.
We take advantage of this broken glass.
Appreciation is dwelling.
Unintentionally forgetting the uniqueness.
Stand and stare at stained-glass windows.
Let the light shine through.
Death and sorrow.
Each is unique.
One of a kind.
Filled with many surprises.
Today I had a tough day
A day I can’t decide how I feel
A day I was once looking forward to
Today I am nervous
Nervous that you read my poem
Nervous about how you felt if you did
Today I tried to hide
Hide from you finding out the truth
Hiding the way you make my cheeks hurt from smiling
Today my body ached
My fingers tingled with the touch of your cold hands
My stomach felt odd for I know was butterflies
Today I lied
I lied about my feelings
I lied about my answers
Today I was jealous
Jealous of your friendships
Jealous of how you don’t feel the way I feel?
Today I am sorry
Sorry for bothering you
Sorry for feeling and acting the way I do when around you
Today I wish I wasn’t me
It has been so long.
Way to long..
Dreams aren’t working anymore.
The feeling is fading.
Now I am wishing, hoping.
To be kissed unexpectedly.
Hold my hand.
Let’s write secret letters back and forth.
Kiss me when I least expect it.
Make it personal, private.
I want to melt in your arms.
I want to remember.
Remember the feeling of your lips on mine.
You are something I never expected.
Kiss like you mean it.
Let me into your world.
Saying all of my feelings
Empty is my heart
Maybe, no I am falling
Eager for him to catch me
A question we ask ourselves everyday
Why did we wake up today?
Why do we say the things we say?
Why do we do the things we do?
Why do we have feelings?
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we go to work?
Why do we breath?
Why do we dream?
Why do we sleep?
Why do we eat?
Why are there trees?
Why do we see colors?
Why is the sky blue and the grass green?
Why do we think?
Why do we have fingers and toes?
Why do we have heart attack’s ?
Why do we have to die?
Why can’t we live forever?
Why do we love?
Why do we exist?
Why do we always ask why?
A breath of fresh air.
You my friend are as fresh as it gets.
You are to kind.
Sweet and without knowing ****.
Did I mention handsome.
Not going to lie;
I love watching you walk away.
I dream of you often.
Think about things I probably shouldn’t.
Wonder if anything has changed, feelings.
Have they changed?
Cause babe I’m ready for an adventure.
Dreaming about you
Dreaming about us
Dreaming about what it would be like to be with you
Wishing I could stay asleep
Dreaming about our lips touching
Dreaming about our hands interlocking
Dreaming about you holding me close
Dreaming about you never letting go
Wishing not to wake up
Dreaming about looking up into your eyes
Dreaming about you looking into mine
Dreaming about your shy smile
Dreaming about the way your voice sounds when you say my name
Wishing to sleep forever
Dreaming about the way you make me laugh
Dreaming about your laugh
Dreaming about our conversations
Dreaming about everything
Wishing not to wake up
Wishing this was more than just a dream
I am awake
I am no longer dreaming
No longer dreaming of you
Wishing I was dreaming of you
Wishing this wasn’t just a dream
There is something about you
About the way you hide your smile
The way you love to dance when no one is watching
Something about the way your eyes make me melt
The way you laugh
How tall you are
The way you trust even after just meeting
There’s something about you that keeps pulling me in
Could it be that I can’t help but blush when you look at me
I can’t put my finger on it
There’s something that makes me want you
Something about you that I crave
I keep writing about you
You are something I can’t get out of my head
There is something about you
You are incredible
You are everything that I need right now
You are just you!
— The End —