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I once felt a certain way
A feeling never meant to stay
Occurred when in array
Mind game played like a ******* crusade
The time where one once strayed
A journey with the decayed
Follows you to your grave
At least now you have grown
 Apr 2013 Joshua Dougan
Redshift
people keep dying around me
people that i always almost knew
the funny
outgoing
loud people
forever in the middle
of big crowds
everyone loves
a clown
but maybe not enough

why are they gone?
 Apr 2013 Joshua Dougan
Redshift
queasy
upset stomach
shaky knees
spill out of a packed van
with choking seatbelts.
feet that are tired of wearing shoes
and sitting
for houuuuuuurrrrs
hit the hot concrete...
foreign land:
gas station.
dad tells me to run around a bit
stretch my legs
mom sits in the car
pregnant
fanning herself
smiling
at me
out the open
window
i smile back.
i'm wearing the white shirt
with the blue trim
that mom made me
special
for our trip
it has a silly sun
with sunglasses and a crinkly smile
that she embroidered on it
it is
my favorite...
i smell the acrid gasoline
look around
the first time
i've been
anywhere
i am only eight
dad comes out of the store
his hands full
of funny little cardboard boats
me and my sister
run up to him
he hands me
a chili dog
with onions...
first bite....
burst of onion
spice of chili
sweetness of bread
orange
mouths
i look at my sister
she points to my shirt
shows me the chili stain
against the perfect white
i
cry
 Apr 2013 Joshua Dougan
Mercy B
You left me, with no notice no warning, in an instant you were gone and now I have no home.

You were the one that could, at least for a moment, make me forget all the interference and now I'm all alone.

How selfish am I to cry out for you to stay, to beg you not to leave me despite the agony you must feel .

I watched you softly release your last breath, as the life left your beautiful green eyes I kept thinking this can't be real.

You think you will feel like all the cliches, so much to say, so young,  so much time ahead, but as for me I felt this hole.

This wretched space within began growing, consuming everything ; my heart, my passion until it finally reached my soul.

You taught me to be strong, you showed me that I can endure anything but my heart aches with despair and inside I feel empty and forlorn.

The nights mesh into the days but I keep pretending I'm ok, I will be strong,  between my sad reality and my false bravado for the moment I am torn.
I love u Momma  now and forever.
 Apr 2013 Joshua Dougan
Mercy B
When I needed some one to lean on
You stepped away and watched me fall.

You said you would always lift me up
When I was crashing down you did nothing at all.

Any time you needed a sholder to cry on
I was the first in line to be there.

When tables turned and I had to cry
My sorow was too much for you to bare.

You cut me deep, my soul left to bleed
With your lies and wicked schemes

I don't need your fair wheather friendship
You take two-faced to a whole new extremes.
 Apr 2013 Joshua Dougan
Redshift
if i paid attention in english class
i’d probably be smart
but if i was smart
i’d probably be boring
either that or super weird
like the crazy shoe-lace sweaters
our professor wears.
Pretty girl under coverage of a plaid jacket
Not conformed as the rest
They have lit the fire originated from a spark in her eye
Contest the predicted end to a desolate world
Instead lifted spirit reunites with what she never had, but was always there
A mud-brunette haired woman still beneath ocher skies is undeniably under the enchantment of a man's demise.
His voice weary yet comparable to thunder crashing when the sound waves dig into her ears and bang against the inside of her head.
A fallen Prince of Darkness is the man who would sew a slight patch onto her heart. Unknown to be a conniver when distressed, culprit of the fall-apart.
Demented knowledge correlates amongst hardened truth deemed to be full of light now lay empty, never-ending quest between the forgotten and the tyranny.
The woman with a channel of thought strategic in her efforts to place out of the normal forget-me-nots.
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