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Standing at the edge of mortality
is my work really done?
Looking over at the black abyss
what is one to think?
Time to find god
root for heaven
root for reincarnation
call for your mother
bring a flashlight
the black sack and that's a fact.

Standing at the edge of mortality
my hand over my brow
block the sun?
Too dark for that
Try to see better?
Too late for that.
The precipice stands waiting
and all those who once lived
forever gone
took that plunge.

Standing at the edge of mortality
waiting for the momentary mirror
reflecting backwards in time
highlight reels
lowlife deals
ecstatic moments
unwound in regrets
achievements
done and gone.

Standing at the edge
my children come to me
wondering what breath will be the last
too late for all regrets
all those
if only I hads
there is a tear for that
that's for sure.
If it could all be undone
to do again
what would one do?
These are the thoughts and feelings too
one finds
when standing at the edge of mortality.

But still here
another chance for us my dear
more work to do
on this side of
the edge of mortality.
Rest
that's all I want.
I don't mean sleep,
that I can manage.
My body will shut down for 8 hours at a time,
and my body will be ready to do another day's worth of work.
But my mind won't reset.
Why can't I just rest?
I just want recovery,
respite,
a break, for God's sake.
WHAT WON'T LET ME REST?!
I've got all day to think on it.
And I think it's you.
I think my mind
more, my heart,
can't go on without you.
Or...something like that...
I can't figure it out.
I know you don't love me,
you said as much,
but I feel like I need you anyways.
It doesn't make sense,
and I hate it with every fiber of my body,
but it's how it is.
I want it FIXED!
...
I just want to rest...
You're at the bottom of this bottle
I think I'll find you when it's empty
And if you're not there hiding
I'll toss back another and another
Until you're sitting down there for me, waiting
Amara Pendergraft 2013
Listening to the song ‘daddy, super daddy’,
Worried and sad thinking about the father long gone,
While reading the news of a father  who killed his girl child by hitting her against the wall
To some fathers and children
A father and son didn't feel anything more than that.

Remember uploading in Facebook,  the news of the soaring price of tapioca in five star hotels

The tsunami  of saliva which the tender  yellow tapioca Crowned by curry leaves and red chilly created, is in the throat.

Today noon,
After lots of news
I am cooking tapioca raw
A green bottle is nearby

When the smell of cooking tapioca with salt hit the olfactory senses
Father came

You don’t have to be the Son of God to resurrect the dead
Told Jesus that just the smell of cooking tapioca is enough

Compound divided into patches, ashes, manure,
Properly cut tapioca plants
Mother rushing to get the rice gruel

Between play and squabbles
A lad is walking around with torn trousers, shirtless
Tapioca, tapioca, tapioca
Tapioca, tapioca, tapioca

For sleeping, eating, hunger
Faith,
Tapioca, tapioca

phoo

For rice gruel, mid noon
At twilight when hunger  develops faith
For last supper,
Dried tapioca

Lucky that one who was born after an enema
Was not named ‘black sheep’

With a green chilly, raw
In the shade of the green bottle
When I touch the tapioca,
Daddy is dancing

Daddy
Super daddy.
(trans from Malayalam by Anitha Varma)
I am tired of seeing your face
Splattered against the wall of my brain
My cigarette stained hands yearn for your touch
As I pray that I will not see another sunrise
-daisy
Do you find me in between lyrics in your songs ?
You' ve changed .

And i cant point at any event and say " it happened then" ...It just happened.

Like a snow storm and flurries and it adding up before my eyes.

I never realized how much hurt had accumulated... till i was standing knee deep in sadness.
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