You will get drummed like the drum line
100 round drum, you get gunned down
Pull up with rockets and draw down
Like a police, put your gun down
Ape it, ape it, ape it, ape it
Titanaboa, I'm a snake
Grab on the ****, baby face it
Animal planet, Ferrari
My chain, my neck is Safari
I'm a rock star like Jeff Hardy
Lil baby so nasty, so icky vicky
She **** on that **** give me licky licky
Sucky, sucky, she love dicky dicky
Three fingers 666

Every time You come
I wish You never left,
Your Fingers run around my lips.
Ink on your skin
Never seen
But constantly pet,
Our arms wrapped around
Clenched close.
A pillow of comfort
never experienced before.
As I lay my head to rest
Her cold heart
Needs to stay warm,
I’m trying my best.

at this point in my life I still haven't figured out my purpose yet. Some of my friends act like they do, but probably don't. Some of my worst flaws is my obsession with escaping reality which usually causes problems, but who can blame me? Nobody will ever understand how difficult it is to live the way I do, everything I try I eventually hate. I haven't been proud of myself since late 2014 for taking a step towards my pursuit of happiness which got me out of the rut I'd call depression and suicidal tendencies. It's been two years without a suicidal thought and honestly life is great, however The difficulty of living for me is truly my anxiety and probably undiagnosed behavioral issues I probably should seek guidance on but, who knows. My anxiety isn't a crutch for me to build excuses for my actions, it's far worse. My anxiety causes me to feel tense constantly and causes my constant paranoia, it makes me skip meals, and eventually ruins just about everything for me. It causes me to constantly complain and it causes me to never truly rest. My anxiety is the devil on my shoulder and I just can't get him to leave. It truly digs the deepest when I am confronted about the issues it causes for me because I too want to change those things about me that it brings out but I can't, and that's what scares me. I can't figure out how to fix these flaws. Most recommend medication and prescriptions for it but prescription dependency is too much of a dark road for me (not that I've ever had an addiction problem). Some people think anxiety is an excuse but it's not. It's the reason I haven't had fingernails since I discovered biting them off helped me not shake. It's the reason why the inside of my cheeks have abrasions since i constantly chew on it when I get nervous. It's the reason why I can't figure out what my purpose is, Because that devil tells me everyday, give up.

This devil
Ball and chain
A key made of addiction
that only works temporarily
I want him to go away
But I'm scared of him
And what he would say
His hands clenched tight around my neck
But left no mark
His tail drew a trail
To lure me in the dark
I wish he'd tell me everything is alright
But he won't
Because if he did
he'd eventually just tell me he's lying.
I want this devil to leave
I want this devil to let me be
I want this devil to give me my thoughts
I want this devil to stop




*Disclaimer: this isn't a cry for help, this isn't woe is me. These are my thoughts.

I made a choice
It wasn't a sin
It hurt my nose
And it broke my pen
I lost some money
And a couple of friends
But I never forgot
To hit it again

A joke
He's a ****
He's so self absorbed
You're a *******
Haven't I told you that before
No I'm not
I constantly fight
With you inside my head
Keeping me stuck
Inbetween these sheets
That cover my bed
Take this weight off of my chest
Let me go
You need some rest
Stay here now
Just one more night
Wake up to life
Or death
Just might....

Lack of effort
Lack of breath
Lack of life
Lack of death
Lack of hope
Lack of faith
lack of words
Lack of space

Only you, only you
Only you can treat me like you do
And only she, only she
Only she chose me when I'm blue
So sorry, boo, we're through
I'm done crying over her
I'm done crying over her
My hands hurt
I think I'll go lay down
Cause I'm done crying over her
Here I am, brand new day
Now things do, let me show you, boo
And only she, only she
Only she chose me when I'm blue
So sorry, boo, we're through
Cause I'm done getting over her
I'm done crying over her
I'm done crying over her
My hands hurt
I think I'll go lay down
Lay down
Lay down
Lay down
Lay down
Lay down
Lay down
Lay down

What did you expect me to say
The delicacy of this dead flower
Brought more shock to my belief
And I can't believe that it's true
That these petals won't wither
If we make sure it never moves
when this rose is torn from its roots
The life inside
Supplied by light
Can live till we're both through

Im scared of what my friends would think
Because I became not much  a swimmer
But this time I threw myself in the ocean
And instantly felt like a sinner
So I hope and pray
That I'd be okay
That the blue wouldn't take me away
But the pearly eyes
The smile on your face
Was as beautiful as I could see
So I know one day
You'll be far away
so far that it'd make me sick
I'd just hope that the motion
Of this gorgeous ocean
Would find me and take me away.

Imagine the nights
That we could have had already
Spending our days
In the south so sweet
But sweaty
Cleaning our bodies
Before we lay
Let that love we share
Run through our veins
And yell I love you
Before I die in vain  
Swearing you were the one

I try and stare into your eyes,
Darling darling
I see you all the time
Closer closer
I'm further away
And losing my mind
Cold legs from dusk to dawn
Stay intertwined
Soft skin
I kept thinking over and over
Again
If love could be found
Between me and you
I hope so
And I hoped you did too

Our first words were hey
I greeted with my hand
In response I got a smile
That soft smile I didn't forget
From then to now
Looking at your eyes
And the laughter that we shared
I know I know it was the first time we met
But honestly who cares
And of course I went home that night
smiled at my ceiling
And stared out at the sky
Wondering if she thought
I'm going to like this guy
I mean we shared a glass of wine
Our last words haven't been said yet

What if the Stars had died
And the sky had changed
That life stopped giving
And I stopped breathing
Would it mean that the world
Has become a better place
A house without a home
A limb without a tree
A life without you
A death without me
I try and try
To understand what it means
When I say that I love you
And you smile
but you leave

I was 12 years old
and I lost my home
my house was still there
but It didnt feel right
so I searched for my home
everywhere I could
whether it was at the bottom of a bottle
or the end of the filter
I hadnt slept for days
and eaten for more
because I knew those things
would just get in the way
so I stayed up past night and into the morning
looking for my home
but my home is gone
my home is gone
my home is gone
I just wish i knew where it is, so I could get some sleep

Idk what I think about love,
I've never felt it.
Not in an intimate way at least.
It's scary to know that such a common feeling/emotion
that people share for one another
that can warm a heart
on a cold winter night
And it's such a foreign feeling to me
that I can't even grasp
what love is.

I knew it meant something.
When I met you
I felt it
We can talk and talk
And I can gaze away
Into those eyes
Or your silly smile
I love to hear your voice
It's soothing
How I hope one day
We can stay undressed
And lay
For hours, for days
We can point out every imperfection
While I point out your perfection
But I live a life unknown

I sat outside for hours

Waiting for you to come back

But you never came

I blew out my last candle
I wished I prayed I hoped you'd hear
What that last breath meant
I wanted you there
It's hard to not notice
That you never leave my mind
How could I tell you
Without worrying you
Because we all know that Ill be gone
Now my eyes lay heavy
Waiting up every night
For the sight of your
Red
Dress

I've thought of you.
Day and night.
From the second I wake up
To the minutes I stay up thinking
How I miss seeing you.
The look in your eyes
The way you smile
That silly laugh
You've taken me over
And I've always asked
Am I the last thing on your mind
Like you even ******* cared
I still miss you
My sweet flower.

I've dreamt about you.
Before I've met you.
It's so strange to me.
The minute we met though
I knew it had purpose
And the minute I saw you smile
I heard your laugh
And I saw the way your eyes sparkled
I knew that you weren't the girl
The girl in my dreams
She wasn't real
She wasn't who I sought you to be
Because you are so much more
So much more to me
But why?

I woke up
It was four a.m.
My room was dark as could be
I felt weight on my arm.

I knew it was you
It was the smell of your hair
And the feeling of your skin

I never thought waking up
next to someone
Could be so great.

When I threw my arm over
I knew something wasn't right
You weren't there anyone
You were never actually there

I miss you.

How is it
How is it that
I remember your smell
Your looks
Your taste
The feel
It was the least bit
Unreal
I loved the way you move your body
The way you moved your lips
The way you moved your tongue
When you talked about this
About the way we'd lay
The things we'd probably say
About how I wouldn't leave
And you would always stay
Your my diamonds
Your my gold
My life
My goal
And I hadn't met you yet
I swear I make it up
The things I think is rough
But your way beyond
My expectancy

I was 14
I lost my friends
I lost my hope
I lost my dreams
I lost my GOD
I left a town
I met some kids
I thought were my friends
I swallowed life
Mixed with every toxic chemical
I saw the light
But I'm now 20 and completely miserable
But one mistake I never made
I swallowed life instead of death
On that cold cold summer day.

As l lay down
It's like the world stopped spinning
The stars stayed in place
We rolled around
We laughed
We smiled
We yelled
I got more comfortable
I miss your smell
I miss your face
I miss your touch
I held you close
So close
So close
I pricked myself
My little rose

I'm only scared because I've lost you
Not you or you
But you
You're the glisten in my eye
The air to my breath
The touch to my skin
And the smell to my taste
The thought of you is great
But from now until then I couldn't say
I miss you more than anything
And that's what's wrong with me

my life took a turn around
one for the worst
my biggest nightmare
became my reality
my dreams
were stripped away
so im grabbing a gun
just to say
that I

Isn't it the worst
When you care
More than she does
Or when things don't work out
Or when things just seem wrong
I constantly think of you
But do you do the same?
Do you ever wish what I wish
Or dream what I dream
Do you ever wake up
Run your fingers across the seams
Throwing your blanket around
Looking for me
Because I do

I think about you
I miss you
Eyes miss you
I talk about you
someone told me you're just a phase
but I cant imagine what would be next
and it couldnt be better

I've been sleeping for days
I miss you
I've hit rock bottom
I left my heart
Somewhere hidden
Somewhere safe
It's in the keyhole
That opens the door
To your room
The room that I spent less time in
Than more
To be as close to you
I would have attempted to sleep on the floor
Poor poor me
Is all I have to say

It's close to four
I'm riding shotgun
Thinking of all the things I've said
And all the things i could have done
Miles and miles
I've dreamt nights of things
Maybe the feel of your skin
On the tips of my fingers
The threads of hair
In-between
Your smile
Your eyes
The dreams of the gap
Between your thighs
It's not the prize
That lays inside
It's the thought of being close
So close
To you my dear
Those eyes
Your lips
Take me away
To that place
The bliss of your kiss
The blush on your face
Miles away
You make my heart race

Laying down
As I lay down
I know that this would happen
Plenty of liquor
Now a bottle of water
I miss you more
Than I used to
I need you more
Than I should though
You're great
You're perfect
You're not
You're real
You're worth it

As I sit here
A quarter to three
I sit with friends
And think and think
How I hope to lay with you
And spend my hottest and coldest of nights
Your lips look sweet
Like a child's delight
Your hips feel right
Your hairs so long
Skins so soft
And your eyes
I've gotten lost
Night and night
I can't help but to be short of breath
Because I've run miles in my dreams
To be close to you my dear
My dear
My dear
Your smile and those eyes

It seems like these nights have gotten longer

Colder

Lonelier

But it's times like this I've gotten stronger
I miss you dearly
More then I should
Sometimes these feelings take over
And have me thinking
Will she like me because I'm honest
Or will she hate me because I'm crude

Every time I lay awake
Counting the miles
Counting days
I miss you more
Every single day

I just can't wait to dial
I can't wait to type
I can't wait to see that face  
that smile
and those eyes

Just a young boy

A free spirit

A lost voice

I find hope in a lot of places
I try to call home
But still find it hard to stay calm
It's so strange that my loneliest night
I had felt so warm

I miss every single word you'd say
I wish I could have stuck around for just one last day
The glimmer and your eyes
And there is nothing like your smile

I swear I lost my thoughts
Every time you spoke with me
I don't mean to seem so struck
But my hearts bigger than my head
Sometimes I think I fall for someone blindly

I feel like somehow some way
You'd Teach me how to move past my problems
3 years
3 years
It's taken for me
To open my eyes
And begin to see
What happened then
Was meant to be

So please for the love of god

Take my hand

And i will handle you with care
Hold you lightly And make sure
To let you know that no matter what
Dear dear dear
Your worth is so much **more