I look back for once
And I'm proud of myself
For not breaking down
Where I stood

I wonder what free-falling feels like
When its not into dark thoughts
I wonder what sinking feels like
When it’s not beneath a hundred worries
I wonder what waking feels like
When you’re not dreading the day ahead
I wonder what someone’s day is like
When they don’t panic in a crowd
I wonder what someone’s night is like
When they get to sleep through
I wonder what it’s like to look in a mirror
When what you see feels wrong
I wonder what a life feels like
When you don’t wish it would end

i don't remember when
the lies became defining
but i know they were as necessary
as the cheap cigarettes.
the sky wasn't the only blue
the day you returned all my things.
i lost the plot last summer and you
(saw the Christmas lights without me).
you tell me fix myself
i told you it's only temporarily crippling,
the sadness, but i can't take another hit.

I look in the mirror
And it feels wrong
The person in there Isn't me
The person in there
Has messy Brown hair
And dark ringed eyes
And he looks like he's been
punched a few thousand times
His hair is too long
And the oversized shirt
Hangs of the overweight body
More than it should
The weight never bothered him
And it never will
That's not what he's teased for
Or bullied for at all
The band teeshirts rarely surface anymore
Even though they were his favourite before
The cut off shorts stay folded in a draw
Because they show to many scars
That would rather be ignored
And the boots haven't been
out the wardrobe in months
The person looking back
Should be happy and carefree
Wearing an ACDC shirt
And torn up jeans
with Scuffed up docs
And a flannel flung
carelessly over a shoulder
The messy hair shaved short at the sides
And smiling eyes
That aren't sunken like that guys
He shouldn't look sleep deprived
Or upset
I wish I could backpeddle
a couple of months
To when I was happy and loud
And my friends thought I was high
All the time
Disclamer I've never been high
But I was pretty much hyper
Every day of my life
Now there's no energy left to spare
Except for breathing and sleeping
And writing whatever **** this is.

Nobodies perfect
They tell me
But she looks pretty untouchable
From where I'm standing

I'm not perfect
I tell myself
But I look pretty untouchable
To everyone else

If we are made of stardust
Why do we feel lost in space?