Jesse Adams

Jesse Adams Jan 2012

I haven't written in so long
Let you in for so long
It's because letting you in means you see the real me
And I feel being me is so wrong

Seven shots of this,
A few bottles of that is
Just what I need put my mind back at ease
Oh how I missed...

This. Feeling numb
Painless and then some
The pain just started to get much too intense
So I decided to drink myself until kingdom come

You can take that anyway you want to
No matter what, it's what you're going to do
You can judge me by my every sentence
Yet know as much about me as I know of you

Let's face it, you don't care
That I'm getting faded because I'm scared
To face the demons I have, the burdens I carry
What I am when I am bare

And I'm not asking you to give a ****
Or even to understand
I guess I pathetically want someone to listen before I'm buried
Six feet under everything I hate about me from which I ran

But my legs have given out and I can't run anymore
So I'll rest in this hole I dug myself into Forevermore

Jesse Adams Jan 2012

Rambling

I think I lost my mind somewhere between
My expectations and reality
Between being in love and not being loved
Thinking of you and never being thought of

"It's whatever"

That's what I'll say without hesitation
I don't want to let you in, excuse my frustration
I just can't let you do what you always do to me
Make me stay while you run away, you're so cruel to me

"Cruelty is caring"

So I guess you are crazy about me and I'm the love of your life
The man of your dreams, the one to take you as my wife
All because you're so cruel to me that it must mean you love me
All while I wish I was your God so that you'd put no one else above me

"... Yet you do"

And it's just common for you to do so, you do it all the time
That's why I'm so sick of writing all of these lines
Because no matter how gorgeous I attempt to write you out to be
You're still the beast that tore my heart out for pleasure in reality

"Take care"

Jesse Adams Dec 2011

Reflect and Refract

You are of no use to anyone
Just another son of a son
Like all the other men around you.
You're lost and no one has found you.

Is it any wonder as to why this is?
Take a look at your strengthening wrists.
It took a long time for them to heal.
You are just a man, not the man of steel.

You hide behind a mask. You still think
It works but people see the kinks
And knicks and scratches and battle scars,
A tortured soul and, on your sleeve, a broken heart.

Who do you still wear it for?
Can you even feel it anymore?
Do you feel it when you are on your own
Breaking sweat and breaking your bones?

All in vain attempts to feel alive.
Without taking up in arms and knives.
Only taking up pencils and pens, a literary warrior
Writing stories, who do you write these stories for?

The people you say? YOU ARE A LIAR
Will they stand up for you when it comes down to the wire?
No, and why should they? To them, you're an unknown
They want to be left like you are... alone

So pack up your supplies and pick up your shame
If you can carry it, that is, and scrape your name
Up off of the ground. Realize the truth.
You can't save or help anyone when **YOU CAN'T EVEN FIX YOU

Jesse Adams Dec 2011

Knowledge

The adage goes
"Knowledge is power"
I wonder what you know
You Infernal shower

Fall upon me again
You learned everything about me
And I let you in
Fool! And now tell me, am I happy?

No.
This is not what I wanted
Certainly not what I needed
Go
You got what you wanted
Took from me and left me depleted

Of every last breath which I would have given freely to you and gladly
And I knew I never had you, but I'll be ****** if you ever say you never had
Me...

I know I'm not much
I'm nothing
I'm stupid and ******* up
And I know one more thing

I wanted you and you alone
Then I could've died
Peacefully. Soul no longer restless. I should have known
That when you made your promises
You lied.

Jesse Adams Dec 2011

A Scene From A Musician's Life

The page, a canvas
The pen, the brush
Creativity, the medium
Heartbreak, the inspiration

A coffee mug and a Monster, both empty
Paper everywhere
Where are the pens, again?
It has to be black ink
This is a routine, it is sacred

Scribbled and crossed out words
Some to correct rhythm
Others to hold back
'Restrain
Contain your thoughts
Don't lie, stay true.
But don't give too much of you'
Avoid vulnerability, but don't be cold
Approach the microphone
Watch out. Almost hit the guitar on the wall...
Again.
Turn this level up, this one down
Turn everything else off and just

Listen
Is that your best?
Another take?
No, we're done
You're done
You're the only one here
Close up shop
Go home
Oh, you already are home
Thank god it's not an office job
Leave the room and wash up
Water on skin replaces the sweat
Soap attempts to make you feel clean
Don't look up when you get out of the shower

Music, the only mirror you will hold up to see yourself in
Your reflection,
A man and a monster
Both empty

Jesse Adams Dec 2011

Portrait

He has returned to his room again,
The familiarity of the smell of coming home
Fills the air and sends him on a trip that would rival that of any drug

He greets his guitars like you would greet old friends
Caresses the strings of each lightly
As if the nickel where not nickel but rather velvet

Touch. Touch. Touch.
Memories flood.
Can not suppress the slightest grin.
"How long has it been?"

'Remember this... and that... ooh, but not that.
That still stings a little'

Silence

Time to strike pose.
What a lovely smile.
So unfortunate that it's fake when he's so genuine...
It's probably the reason why there's such a difference in the title of this work of art.
The objective was to call the painting by what was seen inside...

Most call it "The Boy in his Musical Metropolis"

He calls it "The Tortured Artist in the Empty Room"

Jesse Adams Dec 2011

Park Bench

So I sit here waiting
Always waiting aren't I?
Sitting, contemplating
Over who, and why
I am. Who am I?

Just a man on a bench
Looking at his watch
Wondering where the time went
Time is all I've got
And the time is now

I will stand again
On my own two legs
Stretch and run to the end
Of the park until my heart begs

For mercy, for rest
From beating hard in my chest
And as I nearly fall to my knees I find
My religion. In your arms, my salvation, I'm blind

You're my guiding light and faith
You're my saving grace