Left in the wake of the aftermath that was a turbulent relationship,
Here I am
Was it all a dream
Or am I dreaming now?
Does it even matter?
It must have been a dream
Pardon the cliché but
Had it not been a dream,
You would not have existed

Now that I have awaken, what now?
Here I am
But why?
Should I attempt to move forward?
Again, does it even matter?
I will get out of this bed
Only to sleep in another bed years from now
Forever

A spark
A thought
Forever?
Wasn't it you who said that word?
Forever?
I guess you didn't mean it...

... then again
It was all a dream, wasn't it?

You haunt me
You are all I think about
You consume me
You are all I care about
You... I love you
Because you are everything I wish I was

I am never on your mind
I was an option, never a priority
I am consumed by you
I only care for you
I... I hate you
Because you remind me of everything I hate about myself

More than anything, I wish I couldn't remember the last time I was happy
Because I know it was with you
And that will haunt me forever

Maybe* you will read this but probably not
Maybe you give a **** but that isn't likely either
Maybe you're just as hurt as I am but there's just
No
Way
You're as ****** up as me
But maybe I'm wrong
Maybe you really do care just a bit
No. That's not a possibility.
Where was I going with this...?
****

Oh, that's right, maybe you hate me and my music and my writing
Or the way you still think of me how I think of you
And maybe we're both just sick of it and want it to *******
STOP

*But maybe
Just maybe
I don't give a **** and it's time for me to care for myself the way you never could nor will

It's damning, you know?
Thoughts of what used to be
Memory upon memories
All the places you used to go

All of the people you thought had your back
Only to leave you a knife
Then they walked out of your life
Uncaring to whether your sight faded to black

It's damning to know
That we are born and die
Everyday again and again without reason why
While on the outside, it's never shown

Through all of it
I find some salvation
Within myself and my damnation
Through all of the *******

I say, "Well ****, since I'm here
I'll enjoy myself and I'll just raise hell
I'll give everyone some stories to tell"
... It's damning how we go through our own damnations without fear.

As I lay here like an insomniac
I can’t help but wonder and ponder
Over possible regrets and if I could go back
To any period of time, which would I wander?

Would I return to my childhood?
A time without responsibilities
Would all be well and good
As I climbed up countless trees?

Or would I worry too much
About what was to come
Pre-adolescence and other such
Troubling times in which I couldn’t see the sun

Times where I couldn’t find a guiding light
And every moment of truth
Made me feel like I lived a worthless life
Even in my youth

Would I venture to just the other year
Of teenage loves and heartaches
Where I began to find what I hold dear
And what it take for my heart to break

When I learned my heart was not inside of me
But rather on my sleeve
That I was a helpless romantic and thought wishfully
That a girl would come along and never leave

Would I comfort myself in the time shortly after
In which I felt that my beliefs
Were all fabrications and that I was a walking disaster
And that I had been deceived

Would I tell myself to never love again
In order to escape the pain?
Or would I say "Continue to love as you have been"
While unable to explain.

No. I wouldn’t change one piece of my history
To change my situation today
For it is the person inside who will remain the same, blissfully
Come whatever may