I urge you to yell!

for our lives are not defined by simple little whispers,

rather roaring exclamations of life and love!

tell me you want to live,

but make sure all can hear it!

tell someone you love them

but make sure they believe it!

for love is only sincere when it is loud!

A bush had wished to be a beautiful tree
to be tall, tower above others, and see
see heights that none other could

but alas it was born a bush

but it wished to be a tree

for there is always a pain felt when a tree is cut down

when its leaves and branches fail themselves

yet no one winces when a bush is trimmed, nor torn from its roots

when a tree grows into what it is meant to be, it is admired upon

when a bush tries to do the same, it is adjusted into something it is not

and yet it is only when no one cares for the bush any longer does it begin to thicken

a thickening bush is what this bush wishes to be

aside from perhaps a beautiful tree

I took note of the wind that bristled through my hair

She whispered secrets
Echoed thoughts
and even dared

To speak up so that others could hear
Yet another arbitrary fear

Of whom else's but mine alone
for the wind's feelings were mine to own

Or so I thought, at the time
I thought that we were doing fine

And yes we were
Both of us simply open letters
then she wrote to me
"But we can do so much better"

and so I let her.

I let the world know who wind was, and she told the world to listen close

"It is I whom you take in, it is I whom you depend on, and as you listen to my solemn prose, know that it is I whom none can get wrong"

She spoke some more, and they all listened
and as more did, the less I took the wind in.

Thank you wind for all you've done

Finally, a new journey for me has begun.
A better one.

I'd cut my veins open

and swim in the pool of my own blood

if it meant that I was getting better at
being who I am

you worry that I'll drown

you can't save me from myself

but if I came out to dry

fully realized

would you be the one to hand me the towel

or would you have already gone

When you decide that breathing

Has become too taxing for your heart

I beg of you to think of others

And give yourself another start

When you decide that breathing

Is too much of a burden to bear

I ask oh so kindly, to keep yourself here

For I have lost one like you without ever expecting it
Now I go day by day never not regretting it

When you decide that breathing

Is no longer your friend

I hope you know and I hope you remember that I still am

And that I will be till the end.

Don't end so soon, please please don't

For every breath you bravely take, is another sign of hope

So when you decide that your breathing

Has become too much for you to order

Remind yourself that hope is only right around the corner

As God asks us to sing as a part of his choir

It's no fun, there is no dancing required

I am no heathen, nor filled with nefarious intent

I simply prefer to dance to
the rhythms of the fire

I am so so broken.

I feel like I'm grieving everything every night.

I even grieve things that haven't even happened yet,

still, I know how this ends.

I die, or you die, we die, or they die

and what can you do?

I don't need to be made to feel better about this

I don't need to be made to be cheered up.

I need to be broken down and understood

that my grief is who I am

and it is all anyone ever ends up being

so instead of trying to fix it

can we just carry each other

and tell each other

that pain wouldn't be the same without you

we hang out at bars

and drink and
laugh and
cry and
fight

the conversations I have with myself

to make sure I'm able

to do these things with you guys

I set aside the red inside

because if I bare my sleeve

what will that do

but inconvenience the simplicity of it all

so I talk it through

and pretend it's you I'm talking to

catharsis is a feeling I am familiar with

even if it is a feeling I feel on my own

if I told you that I feel

then it would all get too real

we congregate to escape

I get that

but then when I am alone

it feels like a trap

and I can't escape that

life persists, of course, even after we go

though how life works

most have yet to know

it is not something studied

in books, lessons, or other

it is experienced

in the clouds
and in the gutter

this intrinsic desire to understand how life works

it is not something learned over under or through

it is only ever understood

when you accept that life

must first work you

Kindness takes you further than you may think
and yes I know you've likely heard this all before

But the difference between moving forward and holding open the door

It sparks something wonderful, it sparks something good

and from those sparks we fan the flames

Changing something from a "could have done this" to a
"I know that I should"

I know I speak to cynics, those who know the world for what it is

I know it is hard, it is harsh, cold and
it rarely ever forgives

In spite of all this, and I know it may sound mad,

I implore you to give

Give your time, your touch, even a passing smile

And make this world we live in, make our lives

A little more worthwhile

I say there's something there

She says the stars wouldn't agree

But the stars are only there for us to see

still, I humor her

she hurts me good

because she knows that she should

if she don't

it gets too real

love's the last thing she wants to feel

so let her live

and let her go

there's nothing you can say

she doesn't already know

getting under someone else

is the solution

so she says

it isn't something

she says with her chest

still,

she goes on

and does what she needs to do

and so I will too.

i met someone today

i did not know what to say

but she carried me with her words

and in the passion in her eyes

I saw myself in them

and in those eyes is where I wanted to stay

she'll ask me what I thought of her

the night that we had met

and I will say to her

that I do not know yet

but I know that I did not want it to end

and so I hope

that she asks me

what I thought of her

the first time that we met

you cannot stay here

the sun is waiting to rise

to gleam into your eyes

and steal you from the blue night

the burning in your heart

is yearning to be matched with the dawning of the day

wander into light

and leave me in the dark

it is okay to love

even if yesterday took so much from you already

it is my fault

I do not mean to leave

but the night had called me

and I could not say no

leave me in the night

allow yourself to shed the hardened skin

along with the tears

that will be dried by the sun in the morn'

I called someone beautiful today
and I didn't know their name

But I called someone beautiful today,
and so beauty came

We give and we receive

Give without expectation, nor explanation

Give for the thrill
the rush of it

For some beauty is better than none

For beauty is there
we make it by choice

If nothing else,

Give beauty a chance

And beauty is sure to come

Sometimes, I feel like a gray cloud

On the verge of such a terrible storm that will hurt and whisk away everyone, I care about.

So violent, ill-tempered, and really scared.

I roar thunderously.  strike you with lightning, scarring and burning you

And I am sorry.

Those that pass through me are drenched with the same worries as I

And it's not as if you can hold me

Because I am not entirely there

You see me and perceive me

But to feel me, I wouldn't ask that of anyone

Even so,

Storms pass as storms do

I've no right to be optimistic about most things

But I am, nonetheless.





I am a grey cloud now,

But let me storm

Let me rain





And if you can dance in my rain,






then one day


You might end up seeing my rain come into the roots of your favorite flowers,
or trees




And then,
when it is time for you to take to the sky and storm on me








I will gladly dance with you
And become drenched

Because clothes dry


And

Because sometimes

The grass is greener not when and where you water it,








It is when and where you decide to start dancing in the rain itself

Be wary of the thoughts you let roam inside your mind

They only serve to bring you old joy, love, and pain

For a time.

They allow you to be so lost, in a fruitful world long gone

Reminiscing at night, waking you at dawn.

And when you wake you find yourself alone, laid across your cold hard bed

And so the thought comes through your troubled mind, “am I simply better off dead?”

No.

You are not.

I urge you from my grave of which your tears have dried upon
To find the will to carry on.

For while my heart may not be beating any longer for you to listen close

I hope the words that I expressed to you during my final days will  let you know

That I loved you more than most.

So please, I ask once more from you from beyond my aging grave that misses you so

Be wary of the thoughts that roam inside your mind, and learn to


let them go.

Do you remember 3 years ago, when you told me that you loved me

I was scared
And I didn't really understand

That's when we had something.

Do you remember 3 months ago,

When you said congratulations

I was happy and assured
That our voices could still be heard

Do you remember three days ago,

When I told you congratulations

You said thanks and we spoke

I don't know how you had felt

But likely not the same as I

Of course, I understood why

I remember three minutes ago when you crossed my mind again

You will never know this

You will never know this

I will never forget

Though you are only just a friend

I set my palms on the cheeks of your face,
looking into your eyes

I searched for something and found nothing at all

Your thoughts read of nothing

In fact, you were avoiding my eyes as I tried to look into you

Afraid that I might see the truth

and the truth is that I did
and the truth is that the truth hurt

But it helped.

The truth, the truth is but an abscess of lies

you avoided the medication to rid yourself of the swelling pain

You never loved me

You avoided my eyes,
because you were convinced of my truth

You were always so presumptuous

If you had looked into my eyes, if you had dared...

no, I won't tell you what was there.

Eyes tell a story that words never could


I am done reading you
i will not finish your chapter
i am not going to allow you the chance of redemption,
of some coming ****** that will keep me intrigued

I will stop at the flaws of your character

No bookmark needed, no folding of the page to come back to

In My Eyes

you are finished,
you are read
no story left to tell

you showed me where we came from

the dirt in all of its glory

in the end, you said, we all have the same old story

from the dirt, we come from

to the dirt, we go

such a thought did grieve me so

you took my hand

not letting go
"what is dirt but where one grows

not only where we always go"

you kissed me then

and you were gone

the dirt is where you now belong

yes, i grieve you,
and wait anxiously for dirt to grant me its *****, holy access

meanwhile, I will take some seeds

and
grow flowers in your absence

I don't believe in love

the way that others might

color me a cynic
I won't put up a fight

I fear affection
the touch of another is so foreign

to be held with meaning
with intent

I fear wanting to let more in

But I've never wanted anything

I thought it to be selfish, almost weak

to want something, anything at all

nothing has even been for me

But then I look into your eyes to see myself

and in your eyes is where I want to stay

and I think that is okay,
and in fact, that is when I feel strong

So I think for just a moment,
that maybe I am wrong

Still, I don't believe in love

not the way that others might

but when you sit near me

and we watch the sun set into the night

you unknowingly protest my beliefs

and at that moment,

I believe that you are right

I was younger when I loved one

At first sight, or so they say

But now that I am older

I ask that you love me on the way

For love is fragile, fleeting, and yet strong

And it costs too much for us to get it wrong

Cultivate the love, and allow it to be present

Face it toward the sun.

Take your time with this great love
as we get old and grow so gray

for these feelings are much more felt

when you love me on the way

oh my love

how you tore my heart in two

served on a plate for yourself

and for someone I never knew.

funny how they both were you.

and now i sit still

the reach of your hand

i avoid

for it is a sickness

that turns me to a boy.

i don't need you i don't need you

but i wish you wanted me to.

The hills on which I've died have only grown in height

No matter how large they may get, they will never make me right.

I look at all the people who beg me to come back to the ground

But I'm simply too far up, too late go back down


The fall is far too great, past due on all life's bills


So now I stay atop, only a martyr to the hills

You learn to miss people

As you and they go to join fray's of different sets

You learn that where they are and you,
neither has gotten there yet

You get older and you mature, never certain of improvement

But as you learn to miss people, that's the only way to prove it

People say that never missing is a sign of getting wiser
that, you understand the ways of the world

But people always miss people.

People always miss people.

My little moon rose

You go when the moon goes

Will you think of me?

When you're blooming and not?

Only a night's worth of thoughts

I hope that you think of me

Oh, if I had a moon rose for every moment

I thought of you

I would only ever have one

You are all I've ever loved

And so when the moon goes, I will too in my own way

You are all I've ever loved

And I think that is enough

stubborn old man

stuck in your ways

only a set number of days

still,

your crudeness

your harsh ways

I'd rather that

than see you

succumbing to your age

I've been in a fog lately

and I'm scared that all of my friends hate me

I am more than what I decide to show you

I am more than all I had to go through

do not tell me you know who I am

when I have yet to figure it out for myself

I do not need a plan

much less any help

say that I am lost, it is true
and I am all that I have got

but better to know that I am lost

than to convince myself that I am not

an ode to the dirt under my feet!

you will one day consume me, your own personal treat

I become you
you become me

soil never to soil

from my bones life come again

into my favorite flower

an ode to the dirt under my feet!

in all of its beautiful power

The flowers you refused had begun to wilt when you had left

Something more that you should know is I refused to get them wet

I let them wither and discolor, forgotten they existed

Wouldn’t you consider that cold, and rather twisted?

Well, wouldn’t you agree?


I see.

I hold in my hands the last of you I'll ever know

You seep through my fingers tips

And with the wind, you go

And as you go to join the fray

Of lovers lost

I wonder,
what was I to you

A liberator

A traitor
Or a friend

You're all so different
But all the same

In the end.

Sometimes it feels like you're not real

And I think that's the best thing about you

I feel the touch of your hand and it is scarily foreign

You are made of dirt as am I, still you scare me

I feel you when you hold me, and pray you won't let go

I'm scared of losing you more than I am of not knowing you

For even as a stranger, you are more me when I know you less and less

So please be the stranger that I know you to be

But please don't leave

The greys in my mother's hair.

Is more than I alone can bear.

To see her age beyond repair

It delivers quite the scare.

I always wished I had more time

To do right by her.

To show her what I can do and be

But it's only getting harder for her to see.

I think back on the times I broke her heart

How her little miracle didn't care then.

Oh how I wish I could restart

I'd never break her heart again.

But now I sit and wish and stare

Wondering how I can rid the grey in my mother's hair.

I've never held my head unto that of another's

Never felt their breath come into me and mine into them

I have never not needed words to feel anything at all

and so silence scares me

Silence is so open-ended, and leaves a mind to wander

My mind wanders often

and now, my body grows old beyond the physical sense

I feel my mind and will failing me,
and
if Death were to come to me now,

I think death would hesitate,

perhaps,
kneel down toward me and put my head unto theirs,

fill my lungs with their breath,

and hold me



and then I would likely ask them:

Will you help me to keep moving?



Death, in their silence, would
take my arm into theirs

walk me home

put me into bed

and turn out the light

and as they leave my home
I will thank death

and death will be sure to leave the door open on their way out

Oh how rude time can be

I see myself as the same child I was when I was three

And time has the nerve to disagree

Time has done me no favors

and I don't believe it ever will

Time forces upon me many labors

and Time has yet to stay still

They shove me forward, opening the door of age with no choice of going back

"Off you go", Time says

They've done this many times before, I've begun to lose track

Time hasn't forgiven me for how I've used it so

The idling, the hesitations, the waiting

Time can't seem to let it go

Then one day, time seemed less pressing than before

and where once there was one, there are now two open doors

Time wasn't there, forcing me through whichever one

And so it was the case that Time's work with me was done

in the morning i took her waist

and the curvature of her body indicated to me

a movement beyond the treeline

what will be said when all has been done?

I take her as she takes me

a rawness to her flesh

I consume her whole

and lay her to rest

now she lay in peace

in the covers of my bed

never more alive than where she is now

flowers growing around her

she is nutrients

I, the soil

you saw right through me, like a flame to a thin sheet of paper

you got close,
and I was afraid to catch fire

but your flames only ever served to bring me warmth

you saw me for who I was,
and refused to believe in the monster I convinced myself to be.

I see now,
love is a fragrant flame that only ever burns when you get too close

a cool breeze can make it stronger,
and a strong wind will put it out

I ask that we weather the winds together,
and put our hands over the flame when it gets too much

and if we should burn,

I ask that we burn together

and let our ashes go with the winds that seek to strengthen what we had.

How lucky we are that we can be so ugly

So imperfect and ugly

I can hardly remember a day when my love for you was not so flawed, so messy, so cruel, and unfinished

you returned the favor so

I endured it and I hated it

How could I love so much that it burned me inside, that I should be subjected to a fire that only love could ever make me feel,
I never understood it until I did.

Love is so ugly.

And Love is everything we wish it weren't, painful
scorching
sorrowful
scary.

Love stands beyond the tree line, begging for nutrients that take a toll on the soul

It promises a tree, the only promise that is guaranteed

And what an absolutely ugly tree that that tree will be

To grow beyond the tree line,
what a lucky ugly deed indeed.

what difference would it have made,

if you had gone or if you had stayed


you wrangled your way into my skin

and tightened at the core

it pains me, yes it does, this ungodly pain within,

yet I keep you inside, wanting more and more and more

this decadent, sweetening sin

What was I to you

Other than to teach you something new.

Never to be your something old

yet another story only to be told

never a story kept

oh and I wept

all I've learned;
there are those who leave

and those who know how to be  left

What sort of character is Death?

Are they funny, mad, or lucid?

Do they comfort you when passing, similar to what you did?

Do you find them lying next to you once your soul awakes, both of you surrounded by darkness?
Or do they swiftly take you, pulled into the dark that only hearkens.

What awaits us when we die, we won’t know until we do.

Though I can find comfort in the idea of death
if death is anything like you.