What do I have to worry about? I have found some type of peace within myself and am creating a girl I adore. But I hate myself so much.
Then again, what if I become 'high on life' and happy all the time.
Is that normal?
I hear people speak of it, but I have never experienced not being sad.
My mind wanders much too far.

let me come back home, because without you, I am forgetting how to feel.

Laying here engulfed in your arms,
              nothing could seem more perfect.
As my hand slowly makes its way up your  
              perfectly defined chest,        
                            I wonder.
How could I become so lucky to have you?
                    I find your chest hair.
                         Then your eyes.
              Intensity fills the moment               So much about you leaves me breathless.
                    I can't get enough.
Love, affection, and lust fulfill our actions     for the rest of the night.
                        Breathless.

I would like to write but right now that's not going to happen.
I cannot grasp nearly enough words to describe how I feel.
sad, disappointed, confused, hurt, alone
Those are some, but only scratch the surface. So for now I will continue searching.
Not only for words, but for myself, and how to live without you.

It's like I was a sprout waiting for water. And you came and poured down on me and I sprouted instantly. You cared for me, gave me everything I needed. Taught me some lessons on how to survive the hottest and coolest times. I took in all of what you said, it was always in the back of my head. Then before you know it, slowly but surely I became the sunflower that wouldn't turn towards the sun, knowing it would harm me. Waiting for the sun to come to me. Disregarding all you said, constantly telling my conscience to shut up. I knew what I had to do to make it by, but I was afraid. The sun is so beautiful and provides us with heat and what not, but it burns, for it is fire, and I became scared of beautiful things. Afraid to turn away from the darkness into the light. Solely because in the dark you can't see that much, yourself and your thoughts. But in the light you can see anything you open your eyes to, which is terrifying. Either way I knew I had to do what made me happy. That's what you taught me, and I never thought I'd truly have to make myself happy until now.