as we told each other the greatest things we could think to share
we could all tell
the greatest things we held within ourselves,
strength
attitude
illness
recovery
friends
mom
loss
li­fe
grandma
love-
we know, now, what word the center of our being holds-
we had thought of each other as creatures that spun with the world
around the point that is our own being
everyone else a nameless, faceless being that turns and leaves in orbit
with no center of gravity, no word inscribed on their hearts
that kept them grounded to this earth
but we were wrong.
the world spun,
and we were all still there together.

No, you don't understand.
You were not the one
who crawled out of bed
in the middle of the night.
You were not the one
opening the bottle of pills
and cursing when three fell to the floor.
You were not the one
with the repetition of
"Just do it!" playing in your head.
You were not the one
holding the cold glass
of water in your shaking hand.
You were not the one
putting five, six, seven pills
past your trembling lips.
You were not the one
who climbed back into bed,
waiting impatiently for death.
You were not the one
who unfortunately woke the next afternoon
with a dry mouth and aching body.
No, you don't understand.

peace cannot lead to change
if we do not have peace now (which we don't)
we must build tension until the world changes
peace can only come from change
meet them with opposition, force, and violence of passions
that eventually will turn the Earth.
it can't turn on its own-
and for all the batons and pepper spray in the world,
you can't stop it from spinning once it starts.

it feels as though I'm constantly going a little crazy
it seems as though those who keep it inside do not burn with the same force
as I do, for who could withstand a swirling, twisting, turning vortex
a hurricane of thought and constant lyrics and themes and destruction
as the galaxies swirl inside my mind, they pain me more and more because
the black hole in the center is not strong enough
to withstand the centrifugal force, neurons are firing too fast and
they must escape, they must work their will on the world
it must be torturous for those who keep their minds trapped in their minds
it must be a crucifixion to not let the planets fly free, spinning into
the dark universe, someone with an IQ of 148 must create,
create or burn, burn down like the building you spent your life carving
it seems to be that the lesser genius is the one that does not impact
for if you do not impact, does it really hurt that much? if your mind
is not exploding and tearing at the edges of your existence, is it
really a genius? if your galaxy is dividing and throbbing and overturning
like mine is, how can you keep it in? why would you want to?
those who tame their passions show only that their passions are
weak enough to be tamed- I am not weak enough to be tamed
my river courses beyond the bounds of its banks
and it is too forceful to keep it in, it breaks the levee
wreaks its wrath on the city, it cannot only shape the silt and serve its purpose
it must do more, it must do more, it must do more
and so it marks its legacy on the annals of history in the textbooks
taunting the dreams of children, it is by far the greater genius
for if it is great, then there is no way that it can be contained
your eyes must burn with the fire for your art and your hands must
shake when they touch the instrument, your mind must race with words
for your poetry, your brain must see the calculations as the numbers
dance behind your eyes for there is nothing you can do to get away from it
you must talk about it as though there is nothing in the world
if it does not strain you to escape then it must not exist
the true genius is not tempered, it is obsessive, it burns and burns and burns,
we are a dying star spitting its sparks, it
compulses, whirls, throws its light across the sea, and turns,
the world would be darker without it, and the true genius knows that
so the true genius burns.

I have learned how to love from a distance
and every love
teaches me more of who I am
as I take my stepping stones
to the Great and Final love
at the end of my earthly life.

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere"*
This is what he tells me
He says that we need equality in our world
But this is the same man who is against homosexuals
And I honestly believe he is a hypocrite.
The words he says behind these are beautiful but
That doesn't give him the right to
Say something he doesn't
Mean.

let's all just sit together,
without any discomfort, and
hold each other,
warm,
with a fire,
no time limits, no one to schedule or yell,
with the crisp air biting our noses-
it will be beautiful
no one will ever have to go home.

he’s telling me about the girl at school
he can’t get out of his head,
and how he feels like
it’s always this chain of
"i don’t want all these people that want me,"
(i winced)
“and the one person i want doesn’t want me
in the same way.”
(i inhaled sharply)

i told him he’s overthinking it,
and when he asked, “how do you not?”
(i forgot to breathe)

my eyes got watery, but i blinked quickly
before they could settle
(i exhaled)

and replied,
“i'll let you know.”

I'm sick
of being hit
with your
sharpened daggers.
What makes you
think that
my heart
is protected by an
impenetrable
shield?
It's covered in scars,
bruised and damaged.
The slightest mention
of an insecurity
and I'll break,
crash,
and burn.
You don't even care.
You don't even *see.