I got a new lease on life
The only thing is
Its more expensive than it was the day before

I pay with my emotions
Until I don’t feel my surroundings
I pay with my mentality
Until I cant think of how to take care of myself
And stay healthy.

I got a new lease on life
But the landlord is Depression
And he doesn’t want anything
Other than everything.

I'm stuck in this lease
Ill continue to pay with everything I have
But understand
This lease won't always last

There will be an ending
A day that I don’t have to pay.
A day Depression isn't knocking on my front door
Taking everything I already have
But always asking for more.

I hate this place
And the way its decorated
It leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling.
It's like seeing a terrifying stranger
But being able to recognize their face.

So, I'll lay here and stare and the ceiling
Counting the days I have remaining
As if they were the only days I have left.
Counting them as if I was counting my own breathing.

So soon, Depression
I wont be one of your tenants.
I will move out of this ******* you gave me
I will pack all of my ****
And leave that very second.

I'm just waiting for the day
The day my new lease ends.
That’s the day,
The day my new life begins.

Can you be a has been if you never were?

Can you even compete, when you've already lost the war?

Can you make your soul bleed if you're made of stone?

Can you speak the words without your words coming out like tar?

These are questions I don't know
I guess Ill find out as things unfold.
I hope for the best.
And wish nothing but love.

Hopefully more is to come.

She was as beautiful as the night sky
But was brighter than the sun when she shined
Looking at her
Is like watching the sun set and rise
All at the same time

She doesn't have to try
But when she is present around you
You notice the small things in life

The way the light reflects just right
In that perfect moment
On the perfect night
Its where my mind goes when
She sits there making "perfect"
Look just right

A goddess that towers over the rest of us.

She won't ever notice me
Or even really see me
And if Im being honest
I dont really care.

As long as I have that chance
Maybe once a week
Or Hell, even once a year
To see her glowing beauty

Well, I'd say thats just enough for me.

Why am I writing this?
Who is gonna see it?
Will it make me feel complete?

One can only dream..

If loneliness had a definition
There would be a picture of me
Just to emphasize the words they wrote.

You needn't worry,
Im learning in my loneliness.

Ive learned more about love
After I fell out of love.
Ive learned more about friendship
When I was all alone.
Ive learned more about happiness
When I was in my deepest depression.

What other lessons are to come?
Will I learn to help others more?
Or learn to help myself so I can grow?

If Im being completely honest..
I just want to learn how to be ME.
And thats all I know.